How do you learn to cope with an affair?

I think you have to talk. For someone to step outside a marriage or a committed relationship - something was missing. For the spouse to rush to a lawyer is is a mistake.
People fall in love and marry for a reason - tehy want to be together forever, through the good and the bad. So - you have to really REALLY talk to your partner, and search yourself. Is the affair over? What caused the affair? can you be completely honest and willing to start over? Also - a great place to start is with a counselor. They will help maneuver you through the feelings that you have. You are NOT stupid for taking your partner back - you LOVE them enough to take them back. I personally knew several couples who have went through this, and their marriages are now STRONGER because they did NOT divorce.

Just don't rush right off and do anything that you will regret - a revenge affair, a divorce, etc. You made need space, and time to think. But talk - and reset some ground rules and boundaries.

I think this in itself says you do love and respect yourself and your relationship enough to know that NOTHING wil ever tear it apart, that you value this institution above all else.

Good luck.

I have tried all the forgiveness trips and the understanding and the patience and the being the bigger person and all that happened was that I got hurt more and ended up with him telling me that he doesn't want me anymore.
I don't know if there's a way but one thing I have learned is that both parties have to want to fix it and both parties have to be honest with each other. If there's any doubt, cut your losses coz it'll eat away at you and only get worse

Leave him.

I VERY rarely give black-and-white advice, but if he would hurt you like that then he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him.

Unless you can realistically remain happy in such a relationship, you need to find someone who won't be so cavalier with your trust.

You dont really learn either you do or you dont. There would be no coping here because my butt would be on the phone with my attorney and packing.

Dump the cheater and Begin new life ;)

Respect yourself enough to leave and find someone that respects you enough to be faithful.

mtclllb is right... DIVORCE

You don't! You call a divorce lawyer & a moving service.

let the person explain

You don't. I would never be able to trust the person again. Once a cheater always a cheater I would be divorce bound.

MissBlue DITTO

Very sound advice as people say they know what they are going to do but when the moment happens or they find out it happens, attitudes change as reality sets in.

There are a lot of no fault states out there and no body really wins in that case...

Our society has put a VERY HIGH view on sex within the marriage and for those that stray.

Some couples encourage each other to be with others, swingers and the like.

It is just how people view it and how much importance thy put on it.

Like MissBlue suggests, why did the affair happen? What led up to it?

The most important thing is that nobody knows the right thing to do except you. I know and have been there. You will get so many different types of advice from so many different people, and at a time when you are looking for answers. But what it all boils down to in the end, is that only you will know what is right for you and your own relationship.

If you choose to stay, the most important thing is that your partner break off all contact with the other person and for the two of you to begin to rebuild trust and friendship.

If you choose to leave, the most important thing is to make a clean break and concentrate on you and where you want to go from here and to realize that you will be okay.

The choice to leave or stay, only you can find within your heart. But either way, you WILL be okay.

You don't COPE at all. You flick them off.

How can you learn to cope with an affair? if you really loved eachother, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. you shouldn't be put in a position where you have to try and cope with it.

You can only awnser this no one else. But for me I will say this cause I have been there before. First you got to face hard reality and ask yourself could you possible trust him again in time. If the awnser is yes then counseling is a great opportunity to save the marrage. If you belive this will torment you for life then all you can do is say goodbye, walk away, and try to heal. Learn form the experience and hope for better times.