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My mom is dying and I have learned a lot about family and family friends in the past few months. My oldest brother won't even visit because he's too scared and too much of a wuss... the middle one will visit but does other stuff around the house so he won't have to see mom so sick the entire visit, and then the other one will do EVERYTHING... he's here all the time helping out. My little sister does a lot, too. Some family and friends will visit and then others can't face it so they just withdraw themselves from the situation. How do you react?
flyawayhome flyawayhome 22-25, F 11 Answers Aug 12, 2009

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Very sorry to hear about your mother...in these times you really find out how stong people are...and how much empathy they are capable of...unfortunately it is normal for people to retreat,others go above and beyond in being there for the ill person..A couple of years ago, my mother in law had aggressive breast cancer, my partner when he found out, was distraught, but the whole time of her treatment he never saw her and only managed a couple of calls..everyone was shocked by his reaciton he is the middle child of 3..the only boy...but he just couldn't cope with the reality...after 2 bouts of chemo and radiation and and operation to remove a large portion of her breast, she recovered and has been cancer free for 5 years...but sadly she never will forget the way her son abandonned her in her time of need...the closest I have come was nursing my terminally ill grandfather for 6 months in his rapid decline, I reacted by being there as much as I could and giving as much love as I could and letting them go peacefully, then I grieved for many months...but happy they were no longer suffering...big hugs to you and your family at this time..do all you can, and know when you need a rest as it can be very draining...pray, get alot of support, talk about it with your family, share the load..

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It's hard to deal with... it takes a lot of inner strength. Some peeps just can't handle it... they just don't know what to say or do. <br />
When my grandma got sick... I was really the one to be by her side, to take her to the doctors... and when she ended up in a convalescent hospital, it was me who was there hanging out even when she slept. She kept telling me how her hubby (my grandfather who had passed a couple of years prior) kept coming to her and standing by her bed. I told her that grandpa was there to take her with him and it was okay... she could go. She laughed and we talked for a bit, I gave her a kiss, said I love you and she passed on a few days later.<br />
hugs honey bunny.... xoxo

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some people have no experience with grief - sans empathy they have no fr<x>ame of reference with which to act......it's not their fault ........ people who have been there will generally do all in their power to lend what ever support is needed.......

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So sorry to hear about your mom. When my mom was dying it was the first time I had experienced this and my contribution was to run all the errands and paperwork for my dad who wouldn't leave my mother's side. My brother was just in his early teens and he caved in but he was there for me, offering silent support.<br />
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Last year my hubby almost died and I did practically everything from rushing him to the ER to watching over him during confinement to doing all the necessary paperwork to post-hospitalization care.<br />
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It's nerve-wracking to say the very least, and it makes you rethink your views on your own and everyone else's mortality. That said, your mother is lucky to have you and your siblings doing what they can to help out. Big hugs to you all.

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I wish there were a specific answer we could all give you!

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