I don't know about anyone else, but my anger and resentment has, over time, become pity. I have had time to assess my life without these people and looking at it as ob<x>jectively as I can, I realized my life is better for their absence. That might sound harsh, but trying to 'reconcile' or 'repair' the relationships has actually caused me far more pain and stress. <br />
Any energy put forth in the way of hatred, guilt, envy, etc., expressed toward people who have hurt you is wasted energy. Spending time being upset gives your power away to people who have hurt you. It puts them in control of your feelings and how you express them. Don't give your power away. <br />
People come and go in our lives many times throughout our lifetime, spending time hating someone steals your happiness and time better spent on positive things. Meanwhile, that person who was careless enough to hurt you, isn't effected whatsoever by your hostile feelings, but you are miserable.<br />
Good Luck in dealing with your situation.
There are two things that are needed to stop hating a person that has hurt you. Time and space. You have to be physically separated from the person who did you harm. This is difficult to do when the hate is a result of family feuds or work place issues but it has to be done. Time will pass all by itself with little intervention from you of course but getting space between you and your enemy is your job. This means not seeing this person anywhere including Facebook or any other social networking sites. If you can achieve this then you are halfway there. Getting time and space away from the person is key to getting over the problem because as long as we can see the person we will continue to relive the incident that caused the hate over and over again. I truly don't believe it is possible to get over someone without completely extracting them from your life. For this reason you have to put yourself first, even if this person has mutual friends with you or is a family member you have to tell those friends and family that you have to think about yourself and keep that person's face out of your view for as long as it takes to gain control of your emotions. You will find that after time passes and the person has not been in your view or your life including via Internet that you will be able to see the situation from a more ob<x>jective standpoint. You may never forgive this person you may never find an acceptable excuse for their actions but you will be able to see the situation from a non emotional perspective and soon apathy will be achieved. People underestimate the damage that they are doing to themselves when they do not give themselves the time and space they need. We see no harm in a quick look at his or her public Facebook page. We think it's alright to ask around about how the person is doing or maybe frequent places they like to hang out. These are all moves toward emotional suicide and if you truly want to be happy again you are going to have to crack down on your own temptations and do the work that needs to be done to heal.
Well for one thing you could stop and think if their really worth all of the effort of hating at all and just use all of that energy towards something that makes you happy instead , don't waist your time on them . Paschar UPDATE : Sometimes old scars take longer to heal than others and since it's a three year old issue anyway and if you can't contact him or do not wish to then just stop letting it eat away at you as if it were a cancer eating away at your will .
Take a good look at your answer to Paschar: "It's just that I feel guilty that I let him do it ;/ when I could have stopped it. it's just that I didn't think of the consequences ;/ So I guess it's sense of guilt and hate at the same time. I forgot about him, 3 years have passed, something stirred my mind - and there it is again - that awful feeling!"<br />
This tells me that you've surpressed your feelings and instead of getting over everything, you've let it fester. How about trying something that sounds kind of dumb?<br />
First write him a letter telling him everything. Don't leave out a single detail. Then burn it. Writing it helps to put things into perspective. Burning it helps to release some of your feelings.<br />
Then take some time to be by yourself. Make sure nobody's around. Then scream at him, say all the hateful things you want to say, but haven't and cry and beat your bed and your pillow with your fists or a tennis racket or something until you can't do it anymore. Put all those bad feelings with all their passion into it, until you're exhausted. That helps.<br />
If you still find yourself with those feelings, see if you can find a person you trust, whether a friend or a counsellor and talk it out with them.<br />
Any one of these things might work for you, especially if your feelings are very deep. Then you can start to forgive, even though you never forget. It won't hold the emotions that it does and it can recede into the past as a sad, but no longer powerful memory.
The opposite of love is not hate ....it is indifference.<br />
By holding the anger you have relinquished control to the person you are angry at.<br />
To regain control you should forgive ...yes but you should also diminish how you feel for the person<br />
until it becomes indifference.<br />
Before you can forgive him you have to forgive yourself for your allowing it to happen.<br />
You are just as responsible as he is for the outcome and you are aware of that truth
Forgive them, then move on.. Someday you will thank them for making you strong.
I keep in mind...they are NOT worth the effort it takes to maintain 'hate' Give myself an occassional grin at their (unknowing) expense with silent quips, IE: I don't mind because they don't matter. Hate is such a hungry emotion..it needs to be fed constantly...and I have found, for myself, that those people truly are soooo not worth the time and effort.
I had a girlfriend that cheated on me 3 times with the same guy. i hate her guts so bad. how i got over it. kept my self busy and didn't give her any thoughts to my mind. 4 months later i realized who she really was.<br />
Now i moved on and its off to the next 1. just keep yourself busy and give no thought to that parson.
you need to forgive, although you may never truly forget you do need to forgive because while you may hold on to a grudge whoever you may have been hurt by is living their life as if nothing ever happend
the only way is to forgive them because if you can not how are you going to move on with your life and get rid of the hurt
Never ever let him know how much he has hurt you. Don't let him know that he occupies your thoughts. He is unworthy of your attention. Hate him if you want to, but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you care. Then do your best to forget him. Be happy. That works for me.
I have tried to forgive, but it a lie. I had my wife abandon me during two heart surgeries and a brain surgery and begin a relationship with another man when I was in surgery. I was served divorce papers two days before my 2nd surgery. This was on the heels of losing my Dad to cancer and being terminated at my job. I spent 3 1/2 years in therapy and 3 years in a property and custody battle spending 2/3 of my retirement funds to pay $300k in legal fees and settlement to my ex. I have two children, aged 1 & 3 during this trauma. The hate endures because when I see her(often, because of shared custody) it rekindles the trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the cascading of events in 2008. I wrote a memoir as therapy and as documentation of my life for my boys as adults. I hope that time brings my hate from hate to a profound dislike. Hate is my coping therapy for the time being.
I'm reading a book where it says that you have to follow two steps to forgive: (1) let the anger flow; (2) find forgiveness in your heart.<br />
I just googled "how to stop hating someone that really hurt you" and didn't find anything useful. This is what I did and worked:<br />
Step 1. As someone mentioned earlier: let it all out! Write a letter where you say EVERYTHING, write all those things that you know that you shouldn't say to anyone. But, don't worry, because no one will ever read this letter. Let it all out.<br />
Step 2. Try to see if there is a pattern here, is this the first time that something like this happens to you? What do you think that you did to help this situation to happen? Was it really all the other's person fault? Is there anything you can learn from this to not to happen again? Does this person in fact represent another person that you have issues with? Like your parents? siblings? Why are you that angry to this person really?<br />
Don't expect to figure all this out in 10 minutes, it can take days, weeks, even months. Don't push your self, just let this questions flow in your system and give your self time.
Consider the possibility that they didn't mean to hurt you.
just think to yourself... there arse***** and not even worth thinking about after tht :P. Your much better than they'll ever be an your a strog person!!!
by trying to stop hating them your going against your emotions just let your emotions express themselves without acting on them . just let them be . i think when you realise that hating doesnt help you in the slightest it loses its importance .
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha
You forgive them and move on. Its not worth holding the hate in...it will eat you alive.