I think the problem is that people feel that they should be able to forget or get over things. When you love someone and give them a piece of your heart, I don't believe you ever get it back.<br />
You will always love them and care about them, the solution is time. Time makes it easier to look at it level headed and realize that although you love and care about them, the relationship wasn't meant to be. It didn't work out for a reason, because the two of you were not compatible. <br />
Whether thats becaue he/she had no ambition in life and you did, or because he/she treated people like crap and you were caring, you aren't compatible for whatever those reasons are.<br />
I still think about my first love, 15 years later. I still love him and will never forget about the times we shared. He also hurt me and I know now, after time and having so many real relationships since then, that it was for the best. <br />
He asked me to come back so many times only to return to being the same old person. Luckily for me I dug my heels in and didn't return after 2 years and moved on with my life.<br />
I spent many days crying and still even dream about him to this day. I know that I will never forget him and I will always love the person I knew he could be.<br />
Most people return because they see that inner person and they love them. They know their potential and want so bad to be good enough to help them, to be loved enough by that person for them to change.<br />
The problem is that those people don't love themselves enough to change so no matter how much you love them, it will never work. And at some point you simply become an enabler, you keep going back and they see that they don't have to change in order to get what they want.<br />
I know time is not an answer you want to hear right now. It certainly wasn't for me. It gives you no control and you want so badly to stop hurting. However, time DOES heal all wounds. You just have to learn what healing means for you and realize that healing isn't forgetting or not caring anymore but recognizing how to deal with those memories and accepting them.
I really like what was written. Feels like your talk about me and my feeling right now. I love someone so so much but he cannot show me the same. I feel like I am the only one holding the relationship together. I know I love him very much. I cannot stop thinking about him. But he hurts me with his words so so much. I really do not think he truly knows me or love me because his words are so hurtful.
Well also going through the same situation but after reading this i think il be able to cope and try to move on
Love is something you cant turn on and off like a faucet. You have a choice to continue to allow yourself to be in the love triangle or you can take a good self evaluation and realize that love is what love does. People say love does not hurt. That's not TRUE love does hurt but its up to you to care for the wound properly. In order for it to heal. Loving. Yourself. Is the best medicine. You continue in the relationship Because of fear. Fear of starting over fear of being alone.noone likes being hurt.to stay in a relationship that is causing you hurt will do more damage to your mental state. Than you can afford. To pay for. GET OUT FREE YOURSELF HE/SHE IS NOT WORTH YOU MISSING. OUT ON SOMETHING OR SOMEOME WONDERFUL THAT AWAITS YOU.TAKE TIME OUT TO REPAIR YOURSELF THEN MOVE FORWARD AND NEVER STOP LOVING BECAUSE. YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE REAL LOVE IS. BE THANKFUL FOR THE TIME YOU SHARED AND LEARN FROM LIFES LITTLE LESSONS.
Well said.......I agree totally.
I started dating this individual 1994 and married him in 2001. I endured so much during that time but, I still loved him inspite of it all. I've experienced a lot as a child and didn't want to take myself through that only to be living like that now. This man has blatently disrespected me time and time again. I divorced him 2008 and was doing great being single and he begged to come back into my life and the children's lives only to do it all over again. I am working on moving out away from him again never to look back! I love him but this is not working for me, I deserve to be happy and so does the children. This is helping me.
How are the children hurt? I don't understand? Isn't it between you and him? And why did you stay with him for so long?
Children are always affected by the contents of their environment. What the parents suffer, the child suffers as well. I know this all too well having grown up in home where there were arguments and strife. Children need healthy environments to grow and mature the right way. Sometimes leaving is best for everyone involved.
Draw yourself a list. All the good points and all the bad points. See which one outweighs the other. There is no problem still caring for someone, but you will see that this person is not worthy of your love....some one else out there is who wont hurt you.
That's so true. He LIED to me. Like they said, if he can just throw away the memories we shared, the babies we could've made and the house we built together, then I do not know what kind of human/person is that. You don't throw away a pwrson you supposedly love because you think there is someone better or prettier! How evil is that?! We had so many inimacies too! Special my ***!
Find some one better than him/her. I believe you will easily forget about him/her.
hi... i feel so stupid for writing this but, how doi i turn it off because i know theres an off switch you know there has to be but i can never find it.<br />
my question is how can i stop hurting my self because of someone else?
I found this hard but then I realised that it was exactly what he wanted me to do- be miserable without him. It helped that I was told this by someone. I told myself I wouldn't let him get what he wanted. I was going to happy and successful without him. <br />
Honestly I still feel a twang when I see/ hear/ think about him but its more anger- at him and at myself for continuing to let him do it to me. I'm NOT saying you should blame yourself for him being a loser but it's kind of like emotional boot camp! :)
You will never get all the way over it. Just try to learn to live with the memories. I was divorced well over twenty years ago, been remarried twice, but still have thoughts about my first wife. When all the old emotions start coming back I find it helpful to just get busy doing something.
Ugh - this is really tough to do. <br />
1. No contact - no emails, phone calls, etc. EVER. EVER. EVER. This means blocking their phone number, emails, changing addresses, maybe moving, etc. Depends on the experience.<br />
2. You Grieve - and you FULLY allow yourself to go through all the stages of this - anger / denial / etc. DON'T RUSH THIS PART - this is extremely important. <br />
3. Forgive yourself -- sometimes this is the hardest part to do (no - we are not stupid for who we chose to love, we just try to blame ourselves for it). <br />
And be gentle to yourself - treat yourself like a close friend who has been hurt. <br />
And lastly - maybe dive head first into some project you have always wanted to do.
You 'leave, grieve, and start over @ 'start loving yourself'. :)<br />
It's not easy but believe me 'u can do it' :)<br />
I'm 6 years in recovery, i have scars, but i'm a survivor and better off with out 'him".<br />
(u never 'get over it' but learn from it and are wiser from it)<br />
Bless u from Feflower<br />
p,s i have 'grown @ changed' but he hasn't and i see the pain in his new wifes eyes. (i wish u all the best) :) :)
i don't have any answers....i am in a relationship where my lover has promised for the past 5 years to come be with me and face life together....i am still waiting<br />
my friends tell me to stop...i am not sure how to do that
I know my husband 25+ years. Through the years there have been problems with trust and respect. and i was always the one finding the 'solution', the 'way we could work it out' so we could remain together. 2 years ago i found him ************ to internet **** in his office while i was home in my office! I felt confused, betrayed, numb, sad, disgusted... There is a list of a rush of emotions... At that time i didn't understand what internet **** addiction was or even that it existed so i basically said 'i know guys do it but i don't understand why you are doing it with me in the house, wouldn't you rather be with me?' he reassured me that he wouldn't do it again.<br />
Over the last few years our relationship grew distant. I expressed my concerns to him but he kept telling me he loves me and never wants to be without me. This past month i saw the history on his computer for the last year.. It was a **** fest. Also there was dating sites and online text sex sites, a hand towel in his file cabinet and lotion. I investigated further and saw that it was going on since 2008. The same time i felt our relationship changing. When i confronted him, he said the date and sex text sites popped up on their own. He expressed how sorry he was and how he felt he wanted to stop but couldn't. So the little problem fixer in me searched out internet **** addition and wow was i surprised of all the people who have this problem.<br />
Ok so i show it to him. He is on board with it. Admits his problem and made changes so that he will not view it again. But this all got me thinking that there must a reason why he went to ****. We do some reading, of course i am the one finding info and forums, and come across some psych books for couples about **** addiction and healing. The more i delve into this the more i see a pattern of broken trust issues and betrayal. I want out but the problem is i still love him, or the thought of the love we once shared. Or i thought we shared. Right now every broken trust and lie makes me question 'who is he?'
How do you deal with a family especially father that is doing all the wrong things...he is ruining my self esteem and self worth.
I was with someone for 5 yrs he would steal money from me on and off and come back two months later.It will be three years this December that we have been apart. For the first time in June we found another and he apologized, we are both in relationships however Ive never stopped loving him and think about him everyday. I want to believe we were young and we both have grown. I want to be with him maybe I should reach out??
What if the person you love your parent, and they have hurt you a great deal over the years to the point where you don't want to rely on them for happiness anymore? Do you forget about them? And learn to be happy without them?
i still love him. he broke up with me coz of his mom. but i still want that one fine day we will again meet and wud hug each other. i always wanted him to mb my lyf partner but this wont happen but i have a hope that he will come back.
Hello the problem is I have a child of 13 years. I do not want to break the familiy but its awful to continue . She does not care for me . She has her own life .If i say I do not want to live , she says that I am blackmailing her .Its a tremendous tug of war between the frusrtarion of my failed love which wants to kill me and the responsibility and love for my child which is continuously fighting within me ; Do not know how to survive .
i can understand you well because i am going through the same problem.
To stop loving someone who hurts you over and over again, is not easy to do but can be done. TIME is what heals all. You have to take the first step and you have to be strong within yourself. Look at your relationship with this person, ask yourself questions, talk to yourself, talk to anyone whom you feel can give you support in a positive way. What I mean by positive is someone who is not judgmental about your situation! Just remember that only you can change your situation
You can't make yourself stop loving them. You have no control over that matter. All you can really do is distract yourself by talking to some close friends, meeting new people, hanging out with friends and family. Do stuff that you normally wouldn't - nothing bad though, of course! I'm going through the exact same thing right now. But i just still like the guy, i don't love him. He hurt me and i've tried to let it go for 7 months now. I guess i just really like him that much and he was my biggest crush. Now he's my ex crush. He played me and got a gf a week after our "relationship" that lasted two months. He's lost his virginity at a young age. He's a teenager but an adult teenager. It really just takes time. Time for your heart to heal and your mind to distract itself, or at least try to. Make sure to cut off all contact with the person as well.
He didn't lose it to his gf though. He says he lost it to a wh*re at a wh*rehouse. He flirts with his gf and other girls too. His rebound that's his gf just doesn't know it. Sadly we both go to the same high school. He's a senior and im a junior