How do you think overbearing/strict parents effects a child?

Asked By: BlueWhaleMeatMcFacer 3 years ago

Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):

freeflyinangel - 36-40 years old - female

Posted by freeflyinangel Jan 14th, 2011 at 11:59PM

I know how it affected me. I was over sensitive, terrified of making mistakes. I had no social skills and still have a hard time just talking to people in person or on the phone because I was never allowed to go to social functions/dances at school or go anywhere with friends. I had really no friends. Sometimes one for awhile but never managed to maintain a friendship for too long because I could never keep in contact with them, even if they just lived around the block. I was a paranoid, straight A student and ended up dropping out of school my senior year and running away from home. When I was finally talked into coming back months later, my parents didn't want to scare me off again and let me to anything I wanted after that which was too much freedom. Then I did EVERYTHING, including getting pregnant. Imagine all the things you try as a teenager but waiting until you are 17 and then trying them all within 4-5 months. It was overkill...I went from strict controlled environment for 17 years and then do whatever you want and wreckless. I went nuts and got myself into trouble. I swore to never be that way with my kids and so far they are doing okay. Both are in college now. Not perfect, but I think they are doing better than I was at that age.

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Reply by mediastudent1 May 8th, 2012 at 3:54PM

how old are you now?
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26 Answers to "How do you think overbearing/strict parents effects a child?"

Posted by aloneathome Apr 7th, 2011 at 12:31AM

Strict parents steal your confidence, they don't let you develop properly and find your inner self. They make it difficult for you to be an adult who knows what he or she wants you are so scared to have an opnion of your own. It affects your relationships with boyfriends and mates. As you are afraid to speak out for yourself, so you end up as a door mat. Speaking from experience the mind is fragile. Overbearing parents do such harm to their little ones. They need to be able to find the world on their own, they need to experience things and learn how to cope with sadness, happiness, sharing, and all the lessons you must learn when you are wee. Emtionally you can't develop into a strong well balanced person if your parents are shadowing your every more. It instills fear at times and there are enough things in life that are scary without having your parents stop you from becomming as wonderful as you can be by controlling your every move. The control mechanisim is done out of fear, and insecurity on their part. It is sad to think that they are so confused this way, but unfortunatley it has life long effects if they are not taught to be better parents. We can learn that is the good part. If the parents recognise what they are doing early on they can learn to do better, and their wonderful little bundle of happines, will blossom!!

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Reply by iamnotarobot Apr 6th, 2012 at 10:34PM

Yes, exactly!
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Reply by ThereisnoFreedom Apr 10th, 2012 at 8:42AM

yeah. and now i still fear driving car because of super strict parent that control my every move. i can't even use chat program like hamachi. i was restricted so much that i was " You are true Altair. Nothing is true, everything is permitted "
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Posted by goldie25 Jan 12th, 2011 at 6:54PM

being too strict definitely f's up your kids. It makes them rebel and then it also stagnates them from making the real decisions they need to make when they are free of their parents because they always doubt themselves. To this day i am always looking for acceptance and always second guessing myself because my parents were alwasy so on top of me. Its like you dont want them on top of you to begin with but then when they arent anymore you dont even know what to do with your self, you dont even trust your own judgement becuase they always told you you were wrong.

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Posted by Happymickey Jan 2nd, 2011 at 8:42PM

My parents were like this. I was never allowed to do anything, except go to school. My parents were not very affectionate as well. I became distant from the family and dreamt of the day I would get away. When I finally did, I got into a messy relationship. All I wanted was to be accepted and I put up with alot of s**** from him because of this. The result is that I have made mistake after mistake, trying to do the right thing, because I have always looked for the love that I never received as a child. I now live on my own and have resigned myself to the fact that this is probably the best thing as it seems I am better off that way. Authority scares me so much and doing the right thing is drilled into my brain so much that I go overboard. So yes strict and overbearing parents affect a child in a negative way.

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Posted by poedmusician Apr 7th, 2011 at 12:33AM

From my experiences as a child and teenager, most of my friends with the strict parents were the ones that were into all the bad things (underage drinking, drugs, getting girls pregnant, the girls themselves getting preggers, stealing from stores, vandalism....etc...). Especially the kids with fundamentalist parents. Oh hammering them in the head with the Holy Bible really taught them how to behave (snicker).

The more you restrict as a parent, the more the kid wants to rebel. I know this, as I got to experience this type of parenting first hand in the southern school system, and let me tell you, I was like Jeykl and Hyde between the two. I would have referrals, detentions, low grades, in class fights, out of class fights, skip school, and defy my teachers.....then I'd go home, and whole-heartedly get along fine with my family when it came to everything else....and why, because those teachers, or really, the fat idiot bureaucrats above them felt the need for a 3" thick rulebook enforced by trained wannabe Hitlers.

And it is through this that good parenting does not come from being an overbearing and strict idiot who intends to shelter their child from life, but rather someone who is willing to INFORM them on what is out there so they can make good decisions...and even then, good decision is in the eye of the beholder, for the most part at least.

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Posted by ManMovingForward Jan 12th, 2011 at 6:54PM

My dad bullied me constantly. He tried to control my every second. I was forced to play all sports, mow grass for all the neighbors, shovel snow in the winter, have a paper route, go to work at age 15, was also in the school band. I was exhausted. Plus when I got a free moment, he told me I was lazy!!
He criticized my hair, my clothes, my music, my friends and everything I had. My mom locked me out of the house when I was 18 or 19 because she didn't like my girlfriend and I was pretty much on my own since then.
I still am often depressed. A little paranoid. I have done well for myself financially through working hard, but my wife spends it faster than I can earn it. I spent years trying to please her, with nothing but coldness in return.
At 43 I still feel like there is someone over my shoulder criticizing me.
I feel like I have missed out on so much in life.

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Reply by g8rgirl65 Feb 9th, 2012 at 6:11PM

I can totally relate, as my parents were strict on me where I literally had "classroom" friends only-otherwords, once school was over, I went back to just being alone, riding a school bus up until I graduated high school and college-oh it wasnt an option so I was told to go to work but they had to teach an 18 year old how to drive first!! I had no boyfriends, no regular friends-just my wandering mind in some make believe world. here I am in my 40's, just now going to college but it is never too late. I had bad marriages due to being a doormat because I succombed to control of spouses just like that of my parents.
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Reply by rebean Apr 14th, 2012 at 11:12AM

I totally know what you mean. My father and mother wanted me to go to school and thats about it. They wanted everything their own way. I was never good enough for anything I did. I had no confidence and had problems everywhere I went. I could never do the jobs i wanted. It alwayds had to be using my education. Anyway I married a woman who had a good job , unfortunately I never had a good job that paid well. i minded the kids when she worked. Now the kids are older I can go back to scraping up money to help pay all the debt we are in. I wish I was 18 again I could make the changes to my life that i cannot do now. The first thing I would do is tell my parents to f*** off and then I would develop my own like the way I would see fit. I will have to pick up the pieces and live out whats left. I wont let my son suffer the way I did if i can help it!
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Posted by cyberkitty Jan 2nd, 2011 at 8:46PM

I think as soon as the child is old enough to be independent of their parents, they would rebel, drinking, taking drugs and generally getting up to no good.

As Newton said, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

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Posted by RobertaSunset Jan 2nd, 2011 at 8:41PM

I have had a strict up bringing, partly from my own parents and partly from my grandparents. I think I was very timid and shy and I believe it was one of the factors which contributed to me being bullied. Another effect was that nothing I ever did seemed to be enough and I was always striving to be better, a good thing in some ways, I am quite academic and didn't get into trouble at school because I was too scared of what my folks would think. But it has also meant that I felt bad about myself, with a lack of confidence and that I was never good enough.

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Posted by runnawayjoy Apr 7th, 2011 at 12:35AM

I love my parents and im happy they worry about me :) but having strict parents affected me more than i realized. Growing up as a kid i remember staying home for weeks unending. I was alone and isolated every day. i missed out on alot of things.I didn't really have any friends and I was super shy. I couldn't go anywhere and it was just killing me inside.when i got a little older i had a hard time talking to people or making friends.i found my self socially awkward and boring. I had depression as a teenager. And i felt that noone could help me. After school ended i meet more people and got to go to so many more places. Around that time was when i blossomed (: But still even now i find myself feeling alone. I promised when i had kids i would never trap them in the house like caged animals..ever!)"

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Posted by Maggiefirenice Jan 2nd, 2011 at 8:47PM

The children become overbearing strict parents, it's a perpetual cycle, unless you take note of your parents behaviour, how it affected you and try not to repeat their mistakes - get help if necessary !

You have to try and reach a balance of discipline and fun :-)

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Posted by donewiththis Apr 7th, 2011 at 12:36AM

I agree with Dontask----I've seenit happen allot! so much of what has been said is so true---as parents we have to let our kids grow, protect them to a degree, but, they have to learn to live.

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Posted by jerrica Jan 2nd, 2011 at 8:47PM

if you don't allow kids to have some freedom, room to breathe, it can be a disaster. a friend i went to high school had parents like this. she wasn't allowed to date or really socialize with anyone outside of school. all she did was school and babysit her nieces and nephews. long story short, she ended up getting involved with her sisters bf and getting pregnant, but had an abortion. i have to wonder if her parents had given her some freedom and allowed her to socialize with the opposite sex, she wouldn't have jumped for the first guy who showed her some attention.

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Posted by peterson1964 Nov 15th, 2010 at 11:31PM

Teenage angst and rebellion is a classic theme of youth every where. When a young person is coming of age, they want to assert themselves and they want to have control of their own lives. As a parent, I personally am proud when I see this in my child, it shows me that he is ready to stand up to the world outside and that he is not afraid. Attempting to be overbearing/strict in an attempt to force your values and morals onto another human is pure folley in my opinion. All it is going to do is give your child clear directions on what to do next time they are angry at you and want to either, exact some sort of revenge, or manipulate your emotions/behaviors.

I'm not saying that you should not share your thoughts and values with you children. Clearly, you should. But, I think that attempting to control children through intimidation and fear will only back-fire in the end. That sort of thing might work with a small child, but once they reach a certain age, it will only give them the ammo they need to fight for their freedom.

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Posted by mediastudent1 May 8th, 2012 at 4:01PM

Hi, I'm a year 13 student (17 years old) from Marlborough Girls' College in New Zealand. I am currently doing a Media Studies assessment at school in which we are required to produce a feature article on a topic of our choice. The topic for my article is parenting and different parenting styles and the impacts on their children. The main parenting style I will focus on is over protecting parents that control their children’s lives with strict rules and making decisions on their child’s behalf. If anyone would be able to help me by answering a few questions and giving their own experiences and opinions i would really REALLY appreciate it!

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Posted by strictparent Apr 21st, 2012 at 8:47AM

due to overstrictness of my father I used to feel guilty even in the smallest wrong things i did . . .due to depression wasted college final year plus one more year. . they were so stupid that they couldn't even read the hidden pain in my eyes.
Did job for 2 years like a Zombie . . ****** up wid my boss nd left job, had unprotected sex with a boy (shameful isn't it ) . . .and kept testing till 10 months due to fear of hiv (luckily came negative). . .in future if my result comes positive I will definitely jump from a 14 storeyed building. . . and wud write a letter blaming my parents

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Posted by rebean Apr 14th, 2012 at 11:33AM

Yes It definitely effects you. If you rebel which you are supposed to then, you will be made feel guilty. I left college with a degree that was useless because I only stayed in college to keep my folks happy. I didnt leave because I didnt have the confidence at the time. Anyway I moved to LA from London at the time and had three years of mayhem. I surfed, played guitar,screwed around took a heap of substances and returned to reality a much more rounded confident individual. I really enjoyed myself and at one stage slept in my car as I thought the rent was excessive. I drove to San Francisco and lived there for 6 months where I did everything above again and even got into the grateful dead (which I knew nothing about). I returned home and my parents tried to make me get a job when I decided to go away again. I worked in London where I did what I wanted. When I finally did move back closer to home I worked as a decorator for years. I returned to fulltime education and enjoyed being a mature student. I look back on my childhood as a miserable experience. My parents were catholic and everything enjoyable was wrong. Life was full of doom and gloom.Sex was a sin and a load of other tripe that is not worth remembering. I am a much more rounded person now and hope to let my own kids grow up in a liberal atmosphere away from religious tripe, guilt, and all the rest of the sh**e that surrounds us. I may never be able to go back to being 12 and change my life but I can remember those days and it probably helps me play better music and sing with more conviction.

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Posted by iamnotarobot Apr 12th, 2012 at 8:02AM

I have very strict parents. Now that I am older, I am starting to notice problems with myself..personality disorder/social anxiety. I know it is not 100% because of them, but locking me up in my house still brings more fuel to the flames rather than alleviating them..but i am afraid it is too late for them to change. They are old and set in their "our culture is the right way". If its so great mom and dad, why do I feel miserable every second of my life? I love them but they are drowning in their own ignorance.

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Posted by XxdrybreadxX Mar 7th, 2012 at 7:19PM

It can affect a child's self esteem, confidence, stability, decision making, social skills, growth-- in other words: Their whole life. (Then, now, and later...) It's taken me almost 30 years to recognize and understand just how deeply impacted my life is (and has been affected) by overbearing and narcissistic parents who have never dealt with their own issues. I don't wish this on anyone. It's horrible...

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Posted by magicgal92 Mar 4th, 2012 at 11:33PM

I am 20 years old, and most parents tell me they "wish" their children were like me. I graduated from high school with two scholarships, and two or three awards, especially one for community service. I have 3000 volunteer hours, my goals are things like making a positive difference in the world, i'm super active. studying full time, working one job and occationally get other temporary jobs, always volunteering at atleast two different organizations including whatevery school or institute i study at. I have a pet at home and I take full care of it. financially and spending quality time with it every single day. Everyone EXCEPT my family things I'm hard working, organized, determined, smart, always ready to face anything, very mature, respectful of others, etc.
My family on the other hand thinks i'm lazy, irresponsible, careless, unorganized, an absolute idiot, cannot be trusted with anything important, etc. My parents are extremely bossy and and dont like anything i do. They especially dont like me volunteering, having social life, having my own opinions and beliefs. I enjoy things I do but I tend to feel compelled to rebel. I seriously am very rebellious. because I want to achieve great things in life and i dont want to spend my 80's crying over things i didnt achieve or cursing my parents for all the things they didnt let me do. Sometimes it's way too much. They feel that they are always right and just because I'm younger I have to be wrong. They constantly make every effort to prove to me and to themselves that I'm stupid so they don't feel inferior. They force me to follow the same culture and live the same life that they did as a child. My dad moved out to finish his PhD in a different country but wouldnt let me move out anywhere for any reason because I'm a girl, because I'm young, because I'm "stupid," because i need their "protection." They made it perfectly clear that the only time I move out is when I get married. I have no intentions of getting married. In fact it's gotten to a point that I'm developing a fear of marriages cuz I dont want to lose my independence. They criticize me on everything I do and say no to everything i mension that I want to do just to feel they are still in power.

My dad would tell me to exercise but I never had time or didnt feel like it. I have recently found the sport of my interest. It has completely inspired me and just for that one more sport I have started going to the gym, I have started going for runs, I have joined a fitness class, and occasionally do other dropin fitness classes. This sport has motivated me to challenge myself even more. not just in physical fitness but also in my acedemics and other aspects of life. when my dad saw my commitment to this, he said, you're not allowed to do this sport anymore and that's it. I hated doing this but I said, "i didn't ask for your opinion" and walked away. I am too scared to move out by taking legal action. What should I do? It

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Posted by pangia3806 Feb 2nd, 2012 at 2:01PM

I am 39 years old going on 40 and I had a very strict upbringing due to my culture. So much so I had no friends growing up I was only allowed to go to movies malls ect.... with my mom or my 2 brothers I was never allowed to leave after I got into Adult hood at that point it was about me getting a job to support them pay their rent bills car payments I did manage to find some one on the internet and marry them when I was 29 but that did not last he left me after 6 months for my lack of social skills as I stated I am now 39 with no hope of ever leaving them or their house all my income goes to them that if I ask for 10 Dollars its a big deal. Over bearing parents may not seem like a big problem to most of you but what it does in the long run is create defective people and hopeless people with no self worth confidence social skills. There is no hope for me I am to old and doomed but I hope this story gives any one in my situation who is young the courage to brake out and leave their over bearing overly strict parents before your life is used up and over like mine

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Reply by Jeryl2006 Feb 24th, 2012 at 3:52PM

I am 52..I don't feel that my life is over. You are still so young, really you are. I know you've had some major setbacks, but I think you can come to a place where you want to be! I will hope for you that you will move out, get your own place and start your own life!
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