Stop being "momalways" and start being a person unto yourself. Befriend her, instead of trying to mold her. He married her for a reason, your job is FINISHED! Now its her time to torture him
Yeah. Leave her to beaver. I have two DILs and I'm not too concerned if they like me or not, but I hope they really do love my sons!
Im sorry-but correct me if Im wrong...but you say "Kill her with kindness"....what does that suggest? That your "kindness" is actually with wrong intention. If you dont like her and are this gaurded towards her then she probably feel the same way too. And if you agree with hippiechick, that since you are older and know more-well then by all means LEAD the way oh so knowledgeable mother. Have you thought of asking your son specifically or even just observed, the reasons why he loves her so much?? How she makes him happy?? Maybe that would help you appreciate her more.
coming from a woman in the "I hate my daughter in law" experience.. <br />
maybe try to change your attitude about her first.. that will help greatly. <br />
The rest will come naturally.. you can't force love.
Why try so hard?<br />
Be yourself, be kind and thoughtful...treat her like everone else.<br />
Other than that say hello and goodbye and live your life to please you!
In a lost relationship for doing just that with my daughter in law, I couldn't of treated her any better when she was over or been any nicer. It was never good enough so I did just what you suggested and greeted her hello and was pleasant with her when need to be and went on my own way. Well that landed me in hot water with my son not talking to us and cutting all ties with his hole family because she no longer felt a part of us. Seven years later we still don't see him or talk to him. But I have never quit trying. Maybe it is to be this way with some people that can't feel secure with themselves i don't know. But I am sure opened to suggestions
Yes I can relate to this. Always tried to help but she doesn't want me or my husband to part of the family or see our grandchildren only on a few occasions a year. Its all her family. Heartbroken.
We have tried off and on mostly off for seven years to rebuild a relationship with our son, sense he married the queen of destruction. We were always close all through his life, and sense he married the bottom fell out of us being his family. Us as in everyone on his side. He has spoke of" it is just easier this way Mom" but I can't see why it has to be like this. They have two grandchildren of ours one that I took care of all the time until she was 2 and the other we have not had the pleasure of meeting yet and is now six.It is not easy as suggested to just forget them when you don't understand and you love this person so much. The walking away is all I had left and it never to this day has helped at all. I believe out of sight out of mind is what she loves.
OMG i so relate to you. Ithink this is always a problem with sons. The daughter-in-laws family always takes over and it take a certain kind of son not to let this happen. Its so sad as we have so much to give our grandchildren. Selfish isn't the word. I wish I had had grandparents to help me when I had mine but my son is the same i am not wanted. He only has one grannie the daughter-in-laws mum and i only get to see mine about four times a year. Heartbreaking. I'm cried out have tried everything. No answer. They have all the weapons.
my mil wants to win me over too. she thinks she "tries so hard". the problem is that she tries in the wrong direction. she always wants to be there for us, always "help", always give us presents we don't need.<br />
( plus other offences -- she's judgmental even if she tries not to, she plays victim etc etc; that's just who she is )<br />
She doesn't see that i don't want her as a shadow in my life and that she should do less, not more, to win me over
Its not your job to win her over and its not her to win you either, you both love the same man, it is your job to love him, so you have a common ground. Being in the I hate my daughter in law category says alot, are you sure you hate her, or do you hate her past and your holding on to who she has been? I think the best you can do is to be yourself around her but try to let go of any past feelings that may still be there. Start over, try to get to know her again but as a new person. The thing is, if you feel this way about her, it is likely her feelings about you might match. I believe in conversation, honest converstation. Maybe telling her that you would like to have a pleasant relationship with her someday and that you are willing to let go of the past if she is, then try doing something together that you both enjoy, as friends. Lunch, shopping, a movie.<br />
Just because you want to fix it doesnt mean she will, she is younger and as we all know from our own experiences, young people arent so smart yet...if she isnt ready there really is nothing you can do but continue to be you. Just try looking at her without prejudice, if she makes your son happy that is what is really important.
Just sit back and wait for the divorce.
You are competing for ownership of the same guy. (Your son, her husband) You need to formally hand over the keys and collar to her and defer to her. (Assuming you want to make her an ally.)<br />
When she makes you a grandmother will be plenty of time for revenge.
Are you a man or a woman ?