Usually the submissive female, upon sensing the Dominant male will leave a few clues, such as the way she conducts herself...quiet, somewhat repressed, following his lead, waiting for him to decide...what to do, where to go, what to do....she will never interrupt him, she dresses conservatively, generally..and wants no attention drawn to herself. The Dom of course, may subtlety question her her, testing her all the while..trying to get her to make a decision..which she will pass to him..."you decide"..he may tease..and offer a spanking..and in return get a "promises, promises"....he will notice that her glance is usually down..unless interested..wanting him..his protection, her desire to be "taken in hand"...she wants his trust...his devotion..his protection...and most of all the excitement of the relationship where she can give herself fully...where she can do away with the societal mores..and release her inner vixen..her inner ****...and just be his woman...to be taken..where he decides, when he decides, and how he decides...as the relationship grows. And i differ with Eligible Owner in his response, that Munches are "scene" events, lol! Munches are just what they sound like, a meal..where people of like minds gather and talk....and since they are held in public restaurants, with straight vanilla people also dining...i believe it might be dificult, and ultimately embarassing to roll out a St. Andrews Cross, at the local Chinese Buffet, to conduct a "scene" and whip some butt!! i don't think that would go over too well!!<br />
there are many attractions to the lifestyle..all different for each. you must first ask yourself why you think you are attracted..do you wish to be held? kept prisoner? tied..raped, used? maybe you wish to be owned? and if you are saddled with resposibility, you may wish to be released from it all...give it to your master...and then give yourself to him...in turn..!!

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The first step in finding a submissive female is to determine if you truly are a dominant male to begin with. Many men, young and old, assume they have what it takes to manage and lead a woman, but find out (or worse yet, never realize) that they have been played and duped by clever, subversive females only good at posturing in such a vein. <br />
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If you are keen to the ways females manipulate men and seduce them from their own self-sovereignty, if you are in control of your own libidinous desires and are not easily swayed by the common tactics of XX chromosome sycophants, then you're ready to "see" submissive women for what they are, not simply what women appear to be on the surface. <br />
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With that in mind, submissive women can appear as anything on the surface. The simple fact of the matter is submission is often contextual to the personality of another. Beyond this, a humble, quiet, and deferring nature, gleaned over a long period of time (not simply a snapshot happenstance), is a fairly good indicator of submissiveness. As for finding them, they are everywhere, really. Internet networks, colleges, your local church, dating sites, etc., are all sources in finding women with the "bug," so to speak. It's the *actualized* female in her own submission you may wish to find, and if so, I'd highly suggest sites like Fetlife.com or (our site) HumbledFemales.net<br />
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I wish you luck in your endeavors.

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I definitely agree with the statement that being submissive depends on the right person. It is not possible with everyone.

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Humbled females almost sounds scholarly on this. I thought I wanted this, Dom/sub relationship, but after talking to, questioning and listening to several of each here on EP, I can't in good conscience attempt it. The emotional dependence, really of both parties, would overwhelm me. It might be a nice weekend fantasy role play, but not a lifestyle. Whatever a sub is, that's not my wife. Whatever a Dom is, that's not me. Wait, I didn't think of reversing those rolls, mmmm?

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@johnlava
Emotional dependence is not something the dominant male must find himself inevitably held under in such relationships by matter of fact. In fact, it's quite the opposite: the actualized dominant male does NOT dilute his self-sovereignty. He does NOT allow his feelings to make him weak and dependent. You simply can't be dominant—authentically in control—if this is so, and if it's so, that's when the nice weekend fantasy extends itself across the entire lifestyle. It becomes a bit of a private game that both parties tacitly acknowledge and often which the female party, in particular, will grow to have a certain contempt for it (if she values and desires real dominance, that is).

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I agree with this...I am a sub and found my Dom on www.fetlife.com

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this something I now know I need in my life and must find in my next relationship, the sub-female. the question is where can I best increase the chances of meeting her.

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hello. I am normally a dominant person in every sense. I have 2 admit that when my Dom told me that I was perfect 2 be his submissive I thought he was full of crap. but I have come 2 realize all I want is 2 make him happy. and completely give myself 2 his wants, needs. it. is mind blowing and intense and I am his submissive. however, away from him I'm dominant again. is it possible 2. walk this fine line and be happy?

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THIS ........is exactly what I was illastrating! &amp; YES you can be encreadably happy and fufilled in THIS relationship... If you are honest with your self as to who and what you are!

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Thank u 4 answering. It seemed like every note/story I read says 1 thing...that the submissive is her 1 personality trait. I was more unsure of myself

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some people are not really "submissive" personality types, but have been bullied into "submitting" to abuse. A sexual submissive isn't a mindless sponge. A sponge, maybe. ;= D

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I LOVE to grab an ALPHA ***** by the hair and slam her face in a pillow.......... Then while holding her firmly by the hair....... Gently kissing her neck &amp;......... Well read my story "fetish"

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O I certainly will!

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A she wolf is submissive to her alpha but she can still go out and kick but all day long.

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When you submit, you are giving something to your Dom. And if you have nothing to give, that doesn't make for a very interesting relationship. If you truly believe you are nothing, then you give nothing. However, if you acknowledge everything great about yourself, and then proceed to give yourself, this high-valued person who doesn't get stepped on in every day life, to the Dom, this means that much more to him.

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In general most women are submissive in their own way. We find ourselves as the ones who follow his every thoughts and being of life. I didn't know I was that way until I found a Dom and he proved me wrong. I didn't realize that I was waiting for his response, waiting for his questions, allowing him to use me at his will and never really looking at him until he asked me too. He knew I was when he looked at me and I found myself looking down from his eyes from the first and very first glance and eye contact. When he touched me on my shoulder, I didn't move until he gave me a gentle push. He didn't rush me into anything but it became easy. He was in control and took it with such demand that I was truly happy to give it to him. He said that at first glance he knew I would be His and that I would be His submissive. <br />
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There are Dom men out there but the real ones are truly hard to find. I find that it's not a lifestyle but a true to just plain life. It's something that you don't have to figure out it's just done. Nothing is asked, it's a demand from the beginning of your first conversation with him. A submissive woman can tell when he first speak because you will never dominate the conversation with a true Dom.

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I sincerely disagree with you, Privatesubmissive. I don't think most women are submissive. If 'twere so, wouldn't more people know it? I think most people aren't either one, but just some people.

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Some women are submissive in there own way. It's the way we gear up towards a Dom when he is around. Everyone can't show this side of them because it takes the right Dom to show her what she is. As I said I had no clue until her sat me down and asked if I realized that I couldn't look at him until her said "Lift your head and look directly at me" beside even if we are, there is no sub without her Dom

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I think a bell shaped curve is in order here.

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A true Dom male can spot them in a lineup with one glance. They have it in in their blood.

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So I have heard. I tried a relationship once with a man I thought was a "Dom". But he seemed to think I was a mind reader. Partly my problem, I guess.

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ha that's cute but i like it...j in MA dom

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I'm 25, a man from Canada.<br />
<br />
The matter of being dominant has a ton of irreverent assumptions. <br />
<br />
The most commen being height and age. I have never had the alpha aura. I was the class clown in highschool, work ext... <br />
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I learned from experiance with girls that I am a dominant male as a person truly. <br />
<br />
From lightly grasping tender necks to fastening limbs to furniture, I have dominated girls since I've been 16. <br />
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In actual life I am the nicest, funny, warm hearted individual. <br />
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The difference between me and the average Dom is that I respect the female race. <br />
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I understand nature however and that every female young or old deserves a chance to prove worthy as a submissive.<br />
<br />
Dominants asking for help to find submissives Is an oxymoron. <br />
<br />
Hastverk1@gmail.com<br />
<br />
How is this spam?<br />
HERE IS MY EDIT.

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Hastverkl, I admit that your missive turned me on! But, did you mean "irreverent" or "irrelevant"?

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One super reliable way:<br />
Dance with them.<br />
You will feel it in her body whether she responds by listening and surrendering into your direction fully or by making her own physical voice louder and trying to get that sort of back and forth going.<br />
I danced with the most AMAZING sub. At first I didn't realize what I had, but then I noticed how much her body softly yielded to my every movement. She wasn't just doing the moves I was telling her, she had a stillness about her in the in betweens, waiting and listening quietly to my body talk, when I discovered what she was doing I let my body roar :)<br />
It was beautiful and raw and powerful, I knew at the end of the song because of how much of a man it made me feel and from the awestruck and beaming smile on her face I knew she felt like a woman in my arms.<br />
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Every woman dancer wants to be led, but not all are truly a sub. I just dance and relish those beautiful moments when I stumble upon one.<br />
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Note, I have not personally experienced the BDSM lifestyle, my perspective comes from being a Tango/Blues dancer who privately dabbles in Tantra and internal martial arts. There's a bit of crossover of the dance and BDSM scenes where I live.

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I am a submissive woman and I can detect dominant men dancing too. The way a man leads me can be so attractive. I can just feel it. I just found my Latin dom recently. We clicked right away when we hung out: our conversations, smile, gaze, everything. I had never been with a truly dominant man who would just act on it, and he did the first time we were together and I liked it. We just connect so well out of bed too. He is caring and affectionate and just enjoys my company. He is also generous and can just hang out with me for hours. I think I found the perfect combo. I have a profession, interesting activities & hobbies, etc. I feel in control of other aspects of my life, but when I am with him, I give up that control to him and surrender to his every wishes.

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i am very new to this but im looking for a dom and i have no clue as to when, where or how to look. im not a very submissive people in life. and i feel like i need a dom to remind me how to be a woman again. in fact im the dominant one most of my relationships but when im with a dominant person it surprises me how submissive i am and i like it. where do i start. looking to be put in my place

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Dear Sir, Where are you from? If I may be so bold as to ask. It always seems that every real dom I meet on line is either from another part of the country or isn't really real.

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I've heard that that is what is usual; submissive in private to sort of "balance" the rest of your life. I don't know if that is true or not. But it is in my case. I would NEVER leave a conversation without at least trying to get the last word! But, sex? Totally dif.

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I'm from SA and you?

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I'm from SA and you?

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You should look at the whole guy, the full package and then if that is what you want dig in a little deeper to his uniqueness. Talk - Make Love ( hard & gentle ) Toung Time, let him give you a good workout.

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I am a Man.. and sometimes the Male dominant will act as a understand sometimes submissive partner, until he knows he has her under his will. Then unleash his true sexual dominance over her .. both inside and outside the bed...

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When an ALPHA male is near females the strongest ******* become loving and tender... IF HE IS WORTHY...... If he is truly (in his soul) not alpha the female will eventialy turn bitter as her instincts to be w an ALPHA over ride her cultural inperitive to be with the "nice" guy......... So to answer the question simply...... THE MORE ALPHA TENDANCYS HE HAS THE LESS HE HAS TO "look" ....... Even fairly submisive girls are bitchy around a punk where as the coralary is, even ALPHA females are demure around true ALPHA men.

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It seems likely. But then, aren't non-alpha males ALSO willing to defer to an ALPHA male? I don't mean sexually.

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hi, i was thinking the same thing. im totally new but uve always wanted to be in a D/s relationship. im a tital beginner and ive alot to learn but at the same time i know what i want. firstly i dont want to go to parties with people on leads wearing rubber and gimp mask nor do i want a sadist or just a domineering person. i want a experienced master. a dominant who has taken time to learn. attended workshops or seminars perhaps. a man who evercises complete control but in a subtle way. an authoritarion, caring but powerful. shows respect consideration &empathy who takes time for everyone. who can teach me through encouragement not threats. who understands as a new submissive i will be wary but teaches me gently allowing trust. someone i can put first. pay attention too. to accept their authority care and nuture and show my desire to submit intimatly. is such D/s even real or can i only find such a dom in my fantasy?

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You won't find one overnight, but they do exist. Take your time getting to know someone. If they push you into a relationship before you are ready, they are not who you are looking for:)

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Depending on where you are, BDSM groups sometimes hold 'munches' which are social gatherings so that new people can get to know those in the scene on a social level, chat and perhaps be invited to a more intimate get-together.<br />
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My introduction to the scene was like this, after which I went to a rope workshop and was fortunate enough to be invited to try my learning on the partner of one of those there. My then wife had been worried that I wouldn't look after her and didn't want anything to do with going.<br />
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Sometimes it's more about a submissive female recognising a dom male and making an approach.<br />
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The net has meant that it's easier than ever to find like minded people and resources.<br />
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The "why am I attracted to the lifestyle" question depends lots on your environment now, your upbringing and early influences. When living a very busy life with no time for self, sometimes it feels great to hand responsibility to someone else to make the decisions, and focus on pleasing them. Opening trust to another at a really deep level is freeing, exciting, scary, stimulating and never dull. I lived more in 3 years like that than I had all the years before. My character has changed somewhat over the recent 3 years, but I still have subbie tendancies.<br />
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Happy to hear more about what troubles you about having these desires....

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If you're a submissive woman who wants to let dominant men know, there are subtle, and not-so-subtle, clues you can give through jewelry. Here are a couple of examples:<br />
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A subtle "O" necklace:<br />
http://www.artfire.com/uploads/product/5/665/17665/6517665/6517665/large/bdsm_submissive_o_ring_day_collar_6mm_in_black_only_lobster_claw_clasp_de541a06.jpg<br />
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A not-so-subtle bracelet:<br />
http://www.artfire.com/admin/product_images/thumbs/--90000--69683_product_186684644_2_thumb_large.jpg

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Now that I never considered:)

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Yes! Great questions! Where do men and women go to meet their match and... to play? I've struck up relationships with perhaps a dozen submissive women on Fetlife. The relationships last a while then ebb away due to many reasons... women wanting a lover not a DOM, women wanting to be slaves rather than a sub, women not being able to get away from their husbands, women working at jobs with incompatable hours, women looking for a husband, etc. It is always a shame to see a BDSM opportunity wasted since it takes a long time to develop a close relationship. Communications are so important!!! My last experience ended because we lost the place we played.<br />
<br />
Jacob in Burien

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marleysghost - sounds like it's always "the woman's fault" that your relationships don't last. Really, a sex-based relationship doesn't last, even with vanillas. It either evolves or dies. It's not the wrong woman; it's your lack of gratitude.

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Hi, Im very confused on what to do. Im only just now starting to realize I do things in very submissive tendencies. Not only am I currently in a relationship but he is so far from a Dom you might as well be comparing black and white. I cant just forget my submissive personality because it just 'is'. Whats your opinion on this Im so upset over thinking this isn't the relationship for me and making him unhappy.

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You can try BDSM.com.. I am a submissive female.. And I met my Dom there.!!

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I'm using a regular dating site and a Dom has approached me, aggressively so. I'm intrigued because I have no use for meek, mild mannered men at all. But I also know that I'm obstinate, bratty, and sassy...he already told me that just judging from my profile he is definitely interested and is demanding that we meet. I'm frankly a little bit afraid, but also don't want to miss this opportunity...what to do...

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meet in an open neutral place where there are plenty of other people. Be safe about this.

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Be shure that he uses safe words and is ethical!

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Mmm, I know exactly the dilemma you are facing. Sometimes in the past I have refused, or avoided, going to meet a demanding man because his manner was too bossy rather than having an edge of erotica about it. I felt that perhaps he did not understand what being dominant is all about and thought that bossy was the same thing..which it is not. This may be why you are nervous about meeting. The other reason may be that you don't trust him to lead you once you meet. In which case I suggest you surrender your nerves, avoidance and concern to him and just, slowly, do as he asks. It may be the most beautiful thing in the world and an experience you wouldn't want to miss.

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When real life meeting a man you met on-line, ALWAYS be careful. He may be your future. BUT he could also be a serial killer (of course, so could your neighbor -difference is, you know where your neighbor lives). You should have someone you know nearby.

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She gets nervous when you talk to her.

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mydomination.com

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