See a mental health specialist before you add to your problems by further self medicating with alcohol.
That is the paranoia talking; recognize this and proceed anyway. Any licensed therapist is forbidden to share ANYTHING you say with the exception of an intent to harm yourself or another.
Medication and therapy, not alcohol.
Going by what you've said in the comments, you're in the same boat I am.
I'm so tired of dealing with all this stuff but I can't trust anyone. Therapy and meds are out of the question because I wont be able to trust the therapist and I wont trust wants in whatever they give me. It could be anything. I think that's been the goal for at least a few years now, getting me to tell them everything and take "medication" and **** my brain up even more than they already did. It almost worked too...
drinking as you already know is not the answer ... you have to learn to trust again. . Trust is something that should be earned
I go to AA several times a week, it's the only thing that has helped me. I've been less paranoid and don't have to worry about drinking.
I didn't either until I walked into a meeting to support a loved one, next thing I knew I was a regular member.
give it a try,you have nothing to lose-and so much to gain!