See a mental health specialist before you add to your problems by further self medicating with alcohol.
That is the paranoia talking; recognize this and proceed anyway. Any licensed therapist is forbidden to share ANYTHING you say with the exception of an intent to harm yourself or another.
drinking as you already know is not the answer ... you have to learn to trust again. . Trust is something that should be earned
I go to AA several times a week, it's the only thing that has helped me. I've been less paranoid and don't have to worry about drinking.
I didn't either until I walked into a meeting to support a loved one, next thing I knew I was a regular member.
give it a try,you have nothing to lose-and so much to gain!