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LonelyMe7 LonelyMe7 26-30, F 14 Answers Apr 25, 2012

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if both partners are truly content, it's fine. <br />
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if one feels it's too much or not enough, or feels their needs are somehow not being met, then it's not necessarily a matter of frequency.<br />
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sex isn't just about *******. it isn't a numbers game. it's not just a mechanical "cleaning of the pipes" or a workout.<br />
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it's about communication, letting down one's guard, being real to one another, experiencing a non-verbal exchange together that conveys a perspective and a state of being and gives you both a barometer of the health of the relationship in a way that no amount of talking can match...<br />
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forget frequency and focus on quality, and on communication in general.

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Yes I totally agree! It's not so much the act itself for me but what it brings to the relationship. The closeness that only it can bring, assurance, knowing you are still desirable, etc...

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To much becomes a chore and I think it should happen just when you and other half want to more enjoyable 😊<br />
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All depends on you how long do u think it should happen or not happen ?

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It's not so much the frequency, but the quality. If both the frequency and quality aren't there, it's an intimacy issue.

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Yes, I definitely agree!

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After four years of marriage and one year of living together I've come to the conclusion that both are missing. My wife recently said to me that she'll never initiate sex because it's not part of her personality. That hurt like hell.

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When it gets to be less than once per week, on a regular basis, that's too infrequent for a healthy marriage with me.<br />
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To a nympho, twice per day or less might be too little! :)<br />
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I need sex because that's how I can best please my partner. Pleasing her pleases me! If I don't get to do it often enough, it makes me lose interest in her. Why be married if you're no longer interested in your spouse??? Life is short. We have the right to be happy. I'll find someone else to please.

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Yes but if you truly love her can you truly throw it all away over lack of sex? Trust me I know how horrible and devestating it can be but I just personally don't see me divorcing over it. I don't want to live out my life unsatisfied and unhappy either though...

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Yes, I can divorce her despite my deep love and respect for her. Here's why. Love comes in many forms. There's the love between husband and wife, father and son, man and his pet, between best friends, and so on. I would still love her and hope that we can be friends. She could no longer be my wife because I have sexual needs that she can't satisfy. I need sex often, no question about that. If I must go elsewhere for sex, it would be wrong to do it while still married unless my wife and I both agreed that it's okay for me to have sex with someone else while we remain married. That's not likely to happen.

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I hear you. But what's worse? Living in an empty marriage or throwing the dice again in hopes of something better?

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Yes Lightpainter, if you still greatly love this person but you aren't getting your sexual needs met you take that same risk of it happening again with someone else if you leave AND the risk that you wouldn't love the new person nearly as much.
I couldn't leave my husband solely based on him not meeting my sexual needs.
I know that's a huge thing, I do but I could never personally leave him over that issue alone. I do love him too much for that.

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Then you're stuck in a sexless marriage. Is your willpower strong enough to prevent you from EVER cheating on your husband? Also, there's a chance that your husband has lost interest in you because he's already cheating on you. In my opinion, it's not wise to stay married if there's no sex between you two. Lastly, are you sure it's love that's keeping you with him, or is it need (financial or emotional)?

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2 More Responses

depends on what both people want, but for me personally...less than once a week.

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Infrequently enough for you not to be happy.

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Less than once a week is not enough.

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Agreed!

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it will always depend on the couple - if both are not happy , something is wrong.

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Very very true!

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Anything less than 7x a week?? ;)

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Amen!!! ;)

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sex does not define a marriage. best friend, love, closeness, and respect do. don't get the two confused.

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Yes trust me I know this. But without the very vital intimacy that only sex can bring, you get resentment and distance. It can destroy an otherwise healthy marriage.
If both people are ok not having sex that's one thing but if one person is not getting their needs met and the other person doesn't seem to care then it is VERY destructive to the person who is being neglected and to the marriage itself.

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only if they let it happen. as adults, we should be able to control the things that upset us. An occasional tryst may be called for, but discression is a must. It is extremely difficult to find a partner that will respect a sexual encounter with no expections. I would love to have a f--- buddy that only wanted sex, and that is all, but I don't believe they exist.

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I have a person who I KNOW would be game to be my F buddy but I just personally couldn't do that. My husband would not go for it and I would feel too guilty even if he did...

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I know someone too, but like you guilt would do me in.

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Sex is a small part, but an important part. Once that leaves, you're just roomates.

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I agree totally. You just defined my marriage.

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3 More Responses

It has to be so sporadic you don't remember or even miss it . One time a year

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