Its abuse guys. Do not spank your children. Believe me i would know. I hate my mom for doing it.
I agree that it can sometimes be abuse, but I don't understand why so many people and just flat out against spanking. Could you tell my why you are?
I was spanked (not beaten). People make such a fuss over nothing.
I agree. I will spank my daughter if she misbehaves. I don't care what people say. I am the one living with her. so what do people care if I spank my daughter if you aren't around her.
I doubt I want children but I could never spank as I see it as glorified hitting or even assault
Abused children somewhat inevitably become abusers. Spanked is not a phrase with which I am familiar, however thrashed with tree saplings, bruised from my ankles to the small of my back was commonplace. Inflicting pain on any creature unable to understand the reason is never a good policy.
well said. In fact, very well said.
I agree. I feel like you were more than just spanked. You were beaten and I am not ok with that. I was spanked as a child, even. Into teenage years, and while some crossed the line, none were as bad as you describe here. With that said, I don't feel I am in any way damaged because of it. Just the opposite and as an adult, I still like being spanked.
I was abused every way possible and I have never abused my children. Infact, I had professionals say that I'm an ideal mother.i don't think it's fair to generalize. I don't think inflicting pain, is right
i don't agree with your first sentence, because i was abused and i never abused my children. If you read my reply on this thread you will understand what i mean ok. I'm so sorry that you were abused as well.
I was spanked by my parents. They didnt play around. Very Strict. I spanked my own two children and they were disciplined strictly and taught manners early. My upbringing has made me a better person and I have two daughters that I am so proud of. it didnt cause low self esteem and depression. I knew if I did not follow the rules what the consequences would be. Tough Love and consistency
My kids are very polite and were taught manners, by my example to how I treated them and others. My kids are very well behaved and I only spanked my daughter once when she was 5. I never spanked my son and won't ever and I have gotten many compliments on how respectful he is
I'm glad for the discipline I received from my parents and will correct my children when they need it. Why do you ask? Don't go by what anonymous people on EP say. Choose for yourself.
I used to lightly tap my daughters hand when she was small and persisted in doing things that were dangerous, but that was before she was old enough to be reasoned with. When she reached 3 or so, I found withdrawing privelages/attention a more effective discipline tool
I have no intention of spanking my kids the way I was spanked. I was spanked for stupid stuff and accidents, stuff that was out of my control . . . and when I needed a parent to be there for me, often nobody in sight.
I was spanked on the bare ad with a belt and belt buckle if an adult hit another adult it would be an ASSAULT!!! .To spank on the bare is demeaning, humiliating, and disgusting. I admit I spanked my daughter once when she was 5, That was with my hand and over her jeans, I did it privately. She didn't cry. I felt so guilty, that I intentionally broke my wrist, She then cried. I asked her why then. She said it upset her to see me hurt myself. That was almost 8 yrs ago.She has hardly misbehaved since. I haven't and never will spank my son. When either of them misbehave I talk to them, ground them, or take away something they like for a period of time.A parent who hits their kid and says it's for discipline, punishment, or good parenting is rationalizing violence. I have written this online and spoke to real people about this. A parent is supposed to use his/her hand for patting their kid on the back, wiping away tears, and for hugging. A parent is to comfort their kid when he/she cries, not to be the cause. Learning is painful enough without causing physical pain.
intentionally broke your wrist. Do you think abusing yourself like this is healthy? Everyone makes mistakes and it's good that you realized it, and changed your ways. Don't beat yourself up over one silly mistake. Well serious one. But still silly.
I have spanked our children. It was never the first punishment to be used. There are times when you can't reason with a child, and what they want to do is not going to happen. So, with some warnings, if they chose not to listen to my wife and I. They got a bare bottom hand spanking. Nothing over the top, but they were crying after I was done.<br />
There's nothing wrong with loving discipline even if that disciplinary tool is a spanking. It's how I was raised, and I love my parents very much.
I agree and there are times when I wish I didn't have to wait to get spanked when I feel I need it.
I was spanked when I did wrong. no lasting trauma. kids need discipline.
Not me. Not As long as I have control over my emotions.
No way. My child got one light swat from me and that was it. I never spanked her and I never will. I don't even yell at her. I'm here to teach her good communication skills and forgiveness, which includes control of ones anger and hate or displeasure of another. We don't selfishly get everything we want and that includes parents.
I was spanked as a kid, but it was never very severe. Normally a quick swat or two on the behind to get us to stop what we were doing or for minor misbehavior. ("I've been calling you for five minutes. You were supposed to back here at 8." Swat Swat. That sort of thing.)<br />
Occasionally, my mom would whack us on the behind with a wooden spoon or spatula if she was in the kitchen, but again, it was never more than a few...five or six at the most. <br />
And my dad basically used his hand. Again, never more than half a dozen or so for really misbehaving. And never on the bare or while draped over someone's knee.<br />
All of my aunts and uncles and grandparents did the same. If we were bad or overly disrespectful, we got a quick pop on the behind. <br />
I was never slapped by either parent, though my younger sister was once for calling my mom a f***ing b***h. <br />
And I remember getting my mouth washed out with soap once when I was five for saying some pretty offensive words.<br />
In the end, I think it was good. I hated the spankings and they did keep me from doing a lot of stuff. And I also hated the disappointment in their voice as well.<br />
I don't have kids, though I did date a woman who had a daughter (that's another story) but I would probably spank my kids if they really got out of hand, but never for a long time and never when I was angry.<br />
Both of my sisters have kids and my older one doesn't spank her son at all. In fact, she went off on me when I slapped his hand for touching something he'd been specifically told to leave alone. (She and I had some strong words and I refuse to babysite the brat.) He's a royal pain and a spoiled little prig. <br />
My younger sister doesn't spank, though she's not adverse to slapping a hand or even once a slap to the cheek for being mouthy. And her kids are much better behaved and better overall people...<br />
I dateda girl who's mom worked for the local Children's Division of the County and she told me that spanking IS legal, but a severe beating is not. Basically, if you don't cause permenant physical harm or break the skin or use a deadly weapon, spanking is legal. Around here.
When we were in England my kids got their fair share of spankings. But now we're in Spain we can't spank them as it's illegal, and I know they are 'missing' it. They hate being grounded.
how do you know they are missing it? and if they hate being grounded, then it's a good thing. It means it's working.
When my step son was quite young - in diapers and training pants - we'd swat him on the butt occasionally - with the diaper or training pants on, but it was never very effective and it quickly went byt the wayside - standing in the corner was effective tho!
People have overreacted to the spanking of children way too much. I was spanked-Not Abused- as a child and have no resentment to my parents for doing it. I got hand spankings and the belt- all bare butt. Yeah it hurt like hell and you're mad for a while but you get over it. I spanked both my boys when they were younger and my oldest just finished his first semester in an honors program at college with a 4.0 GPA, I did not create a monster and neither will you if you warm the backside of a bratty kid.
If I made my mother mad, she asked my dad to spank me.
Clearly, my mother ran the house.
My father was a quiet, determined man. He was kind, and not quick to anger by any means. I never did anything to try and make him angry - if I messed up, all it took was a sideways look to straighten me out.
But, he did not ever stand up to my mother. He never told her how things were going to be. He'd listen to her yell and scream, then calmly present his thoughts, and listen to her yell and scream again. I admire his ability not to loose his cool, despite her atrocious attitude. I do think, though, that I might have been spared a lot of teenage and 20's growing pains if he's spoken up a little more.
My mother was quick to anger. She tried her best to be a good christian housewife (except, you know, the respect your husband part). She put so much stress on herself to be someone she wasn't (in more ways than religious), and was attempting to homeschool 2 girls and later a boy at the same time. She was stressed out all the time, which made out home stressful and angry most of the time. She found solace in perfection.
She'd request that my father spank me, generally toward the end of the day, when he was almost home. Many times, I was not told exactly why I was being spanked, except to say I'd been disobedient. I don't remember being told the reasons why I should not do what I was told not to do or to do - just that since I didn't do as I was told, I was going to be spanked.
It wasn't the pain of the spanking that stuck with me into adulthood - it was the idea that when my mother got angry, I got spanked.
So, I made the association that hitting is OK if you're angry. I hit my sisters and brother - even boyfriends, into my early 20's!!
I'm not saying it's completely wrong to use corporal punishment. I am saying that it is incredibly important that spanking be used as a clear consequence for something in particular, not just as a punishment for making mom or dad angry. Children always do what they see or experience, never just what they're told.
The irony of this story is that I recall that many of my spankings were for hitting my sister.
Perhaps if I'd have been spoken with about my behavior more times than spanked for it, I'd have developed a healthy understanding of how to work out right and wrong for myself, with the least amount of damage to myself and other people.
I've come to believe that the childhood deficit in discussion of right and wrong contributed to incorrectly assessing the choices presented to me as a young adult. Helping your child understand age-appropriate choices is more important than simply forcing them to "obey".
Another thing that helped me desire wrong choices was a distinct distrust in my mother. She did not have my best interest at heart, and I knew it from an early age. She was only interested in getting her way! Her way was always the only way, and I never had a valid opinion, even into my teens. I stopped listening to her because I was sure she had an ulterior motive - one that would not be beneficial to me in any way.
From that, parents, please be sure your child knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are always disciplining them to help them - not because you are angry, or you think they're annoying, or because you "never should have become a mother" and don't know how to handle being one.
Having a relationship with your child that communicates their value to them is the most important thing you can do for your child. You might mess everything else up - but if you maintain that they are the most important people in your life, you'll get it right.
If I ever have any. I will not subject them to that ****.
I was certainly spanked growing up and I brought up my children the same way.<br />
I agree with spanking but totally disagree with public humiliation which I think is far worse to a child's self esteem.<br />
I think a spanking should be a private thing, or at least only with close family there.<br />