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Thank you all for your comments to my question. My problem is my husband likes to be a leader and likes to make rules for the house, which are fine with me. But he never follows his own rules or acts like a leader. Then turn around expect me to respect him. For what??? He doesn’t like to be criticized (positive or negative) for what he does. He doesn’t take responsible for his own words or actions. He stretches out the truth to his favor. He will get mad for every thing if he doesn’t get his way. He wants all or nothing and doesn’t like to compromise. Maybe I am too black or white as he said. Yes, maybe he was like this before… and maybe I was too naïve back then (my first love) and fell into his fake charm. BTW, he has ability to talk anyone into his favor with his never end reasons, which I never know which one is real. And he has ability to make people believe/see he cares/loves me, but the truth behinds that show is counted and only he and I know what happens.
jasmine101 jasmine101 36-40 22 Answers Jul 8, 2009

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You can't change another person, you can only change what you do in response to another person. Example: If someone hurts you you can't make them stop hurting you if they wish to hurt you and you allow them to do so they will continue for as long as they like and as long as you allow it. You only have the power to end the allowing of the action. The person can't hurt you anymore if they are no longer in your life, but the only things anyone can chnage about another person is how they effect our own life. We only have the power to end the connection with that person and make the thing they do which is unexceptable to us stop. But we can't chnage who they are inside, they make try to cange, or fake it for awaile, but in the end they will return to who they really are in the first place.

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I totally disagree with purified. Don´t ever try to use a baby as a way to change somebody. Babies are not people testers. They deserve to have good parents, not two people playing house. <br />
Tell your husband you are not his mother and thus you expect him to behave as your partner not your child, and treat him accordingly. If that doesn´t work, start thinking of finding better luck elsewhere.

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I am in a similar situation, but I'm the dictator. Before I realized what I was doing I was the same as ur husband. Making rules and breaking while expecting everyone to do as I say .. Or else threw tantrums when things didn't go my way, but he hung in there and kept praying for me.. And now I'm working day after day to change them. But now I face an immature man that has no ambition to make a better life and would rather have someone take care of him( he does not realize this) but those are his everyday actions..<br />
As he hung in there for me.. I'm going to hang in there for him. And through research I believe men are afraid of dealing with feelings that could trigger a possible argument. So keep ur cool about ur feelings.. And make ur actions to seem as what they are.. You on his side.. He will be more likely to listen.. To best of luck.. Don't give up!

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I'm stuck between a rock n hard place too! I have never meant anyone that acts like my husband! You will talk til ur blue! He won't get it he has to care to get it! Most of them are selfish a-holes, they don't care how they make u feel until they want something from you. They have expectations of you and all you can expect of them Is their butts to kiss! Men change for the worst at some point in the relationship and by time we find out we're inlove! When you find that you can no longer be nice to him, when hearing his voice ****** you off, then you had all you can take and not even prayer can help. It just wasn't meant to be.

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Everyone always diverts to run or leave him. That is not the answer. That is the reason why the divorce rate is so high. Love is not just a feeling its a choice. You chose it and so did he. What the two of you need is to pray together and grow in the Lord together. God in you life is like a triangle. God is at the top and the two of you are on each corner. The closer the two of you grow to the Lord the closer you get to each other and the stronger you get as a couple. But the further away either one or both are from God the farther you will be from one another. God can change you both into the spouse you should be and help you both put each other before yourself.

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Many of the commenters here don't really understand the ramifications of dealing with a grown man who frequently reverts to emotional childishness, complete with tantrums and tears. It isn't about compromise; such men don't have the ability to compromise because everything is always about them. <br />
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Your best bet is to leave him. If that isn't an option, then you'll have to learn how to effectively deal with his immaturity, which won't be easy. Either way, in the long run it will kill your love for him.

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Wow! Here I am 62. Years old and realizing that the man I am married too will never stop being 10 years old! If I had seen this behavior as (childish) I would have run like hell. Tell your daughters - I have tried to reason with him - like talking to a child - go to your room! Living with this is too stressful - RUN!

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People don't change by themselves. The change has to come within yourself in order to change the dynamics with other people. You have the power, you decide to keep it or give it away. We're living in times and in a environment where everything should be done in a flash, our way or the highway or where we find everything to be disposable and replaceable. <br />
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Love is about nurturing, caring, patience, loyalty, understanding and compassion.<br />
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The moment we start to point the fingers and not see our own mistakes, that's the moment we need to look in the mirror and ask if what we see it's the truth. We only have your side of the story....<br />
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If you love him and if you sincerely think that he is immature, then if you really care to save your relationship, go to counseling. It takes TWO....<br />
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There are parents that become the children and the children become the parents, but who lets that happened? Perhaps, you're reinforcing the child in him, perhaps you are falling out of love and he has been like this all the time.....<br />
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Counseling has helped many....Perhaps you will like to give it a try....Good Luck!

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Personally, I don't think it's possible. That has been my experience. Besides, you can't change anyone except yourself.

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You're too late, unless you scare the **** out of him and walk out on his ***. Then again sometimes that doesn;t work. You've tried this long, question is "How much longer can you deal with it?".

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There are lots of self help books. I recomend "we can work it out", you can find it on amazon for as low as 6 dollars. It teaches you how to solve such issues. They may help you orginize your thoughts and give you the best idea on how to go about it. It saved my long term relationship of four years and i was amazed that by me changing he started to change and I understood a completely differnt way to communicate our differences. Hope this helps:)

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You should marry them when they are mature. If childish you are only risking a potential future of him never growing up.

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you have to accept your husband exactly as he is and let him do his own growing. BUT if he knows you love him and you continue to love him he will grow as a person...

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You can't change him. You can simply state the facts of the problem which I'm sure you've probably already tried. Sometimes telling someone something in more than one way works, but you must also consider the timing( like when he's most likely to be responsive). If he is unresponsive to all attempts then you could tell him you need a man and not a child so grow up or I'll be forced to look elswhere for a man.

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I agree with the others that said you can't change someone else == we can only change ourselves, if it is a huge problem go find a mature man-- before you marry him.

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You will NEVER change a childish man. Never. He's too old to change his ways. You're just going to have to accept what you married.

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jasmine101,<br />
Treat him just like a child. Determine what the "age" that you feel best represents his behavior and treat him just like you would a child at that age. This should include all the same rules and consesequenses that a child lives by and none of the freedoms and benefits that a real adult enjoys. And don't hide the fact that he needs to be treated as a child and have the same structured life as a child from family and friends.<br />
If you married him you must love him and you must have known he was a child. If your willing to do this you may find it very satisfying "bring him up" and making him into the type of adult you want.

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well, seeing your age range is 36-40 if he is in the same age as you.. then I doubt he will be doing too much changing!!! <br />
I imagine that when you married him he was the same way. I highly doubt he was mature and then became immature. Did you think he would change? <br />
And what do you mean by immature? Maybe he is mature, but in your eyes he just isn't good enough and no matter how hard he tries he may never be good enough for you... I don't know....<br />
I guess you can tell him to Man Up and start acting whatever way you feel he should act... AND Maybe you could try to find the KID in you and then possibly you two could meet somewhere in the Middle!!! Marriage is about compromise!!!<br />
Good luck!!!!!

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Have a baby...if that doesn't work nothing will. and that's meant to be a little humorous but it usually does take some type of extreme to make a man grow up. It's a very daunting task to take on.

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