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I "discovered" that one of the kids in the youth group I'm leader of, is alcoholic. Fist before I knew about it, we decided to have a dinner at one of the kids' house, his parents were out for dinner. As usual me and two adult girls (my assistants) were forced to be there because parents wont send their kids without me being with them.. So here we go, the girl got drunk secretly, got caught of those who provided her the alcohol, after further inquiries I was told that she's totally alcoholic, and after tons of disasters she provoked that night, she slept and woke up crying. How to deal with this problem?
The13thLostSoul The13thLostSoul 22-25, M 18 Answers Jun 18, 2012

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I doubt very much that a girl of that age is an alcoholic and branding her as one won't help.<br />
A quiet word with the parents would be my advice.

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I know.. he's right, but the state in which she was is dreadful, and she seems to have a reputation for being an alcoholic ..

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Someone definitely has to talk to her because she's throwing her life away. It definitely IS a symptom of a larger problem it was for me because I've been there. Does any of her friends or peers know? If so then it's time for an intervention. What's going on at her home? I'd nose around there too. Chances are it's probably not too happy over there.

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you're 1000% right, there must be a larger problem going on, and yes as I did lots of talking with the kids in my group, everyone knows it inside and outside the group and at her school too, now about her parents I just don't know, but they're friends with my parents, and are young lively and very very nice people ...

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Whatever you do, LS13, if she stops drinking then relapses, don't come down on her like a ton of bricks. It will only give her one more reason to drink, if she loses friends.

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No I won't don't worry about it, you're right and I don't want to make her lose friends because of it, it'll make it worse ...

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Confront her about her behaviour and ask her to get help and have the issue resolved<br />
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if the person still does not try to resolve the behaviour, talk to your higherups about it

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Well, I gave the problem for my 2 assistants (2 adult girls) to solve as I always do with all "girls problems" but the issue is huge and is causing dispute among kids, so you're right but talking to my higherups is not a good idea, he's leader of the church where my group is based, I don't like him around with kids he's irresponsible and really is stupid ... me and my assistants are thinking about involving a psychologist ... but is it the right thing?

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I would get her parents as well as a counsellor involved

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She needs a lot of help! She probably has been taken advantage of and is only drinking to cover up what she can't tell anyone. This is only a possiblity. <br />
She is depressed to be crying. I would say seeing a counselor or psychiatrist would be in order.

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you're right she might have tons of problems, didn't expect this from this kid as she's lively and always happy, I guess there's always a dark side .. you're right, we're talking about seeing a psychologist, is it the right thing to do?

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I would first suggest to be thankful that the girl is drinking and not smoking crack. So are we talking about a rather very normal teenage girl who wants to drink? Or are we truly talking about an alcoholic? I am not going to say it is right, nor am I going to try to defend anyone, but even though it is illegal it is quite normal for a young teenager to want to get into the alcohol. It is practically a right of passage to be underage and drinking. What I might suggest is to find someone that DOES have a disputable reputation to add to your counsel. They would offer far more insight to the situation than to only have those with indisputable reputations.

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we are currently talking about the situation with a psychologist, and she's telling us how to talk with her and what to do, if it does not work, she'll take over the situation ..

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Thank you for caring, for asking for ideas, and for showing preparedness to help. You are in the right job. This girl needs a rock of support.

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well, EP is the right place for these questions, can't ask anyone outside because they'll say how can you be responsible for 30 kids aged 13-17 and don't know how to deal with something like this, like if it was easy, trying to see what's right... confrontation? parents? psychologist? social assistant?

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Alcoholism is a big problem requiring expert care and the willingness of the individual to submit to therapy. So I suggest al a teen and providing her with support to attend.

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Umm what the hell is with you and this question? I am not saying alcohol is how they should be dealing with the obvious problems they are having, but going and b******* and saying 'what the hell'? is really quite rude. Either try and help or butt out of it.

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She belongs in AA for teens -after rehab... But she's NOT your child,and there's nothing that you can do with an alchoholic unless that person is motivated to change. At her age, she's going to REALLY have to 'hit the wall' or have life-changing event for that to happen. It's frustrating,for sure, but hounding her about it will only makes things worse,since it's out of your 'jurisdiction', as it were. The only thing that you CAN do is ostracize her from your group, which could possibly save other teens from joing her in her addiction. That won't be 'great' for her, but her addiction has to run its course. Better to do good for the whole than the one,I think.

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I know she's not my child but she has a problem that has to be solved, and I can;t ostracize her from the group, because she has tons of friends there and this will cause a problem, as she has grown up within this group more than 2 years ago ...

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I feel sorry for you because I know that you don't have the authority to do anything about the situation. You sound like a good person, and it must be really hard on you. At least you don't have a hoard of misbehaving teens!

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thanks my friend ... yeah it's really really hard because I don't have any authority to do anything about it, the problem is still carrying on right now, it's better but she has drank again at least once and got drunk, she messaged one of my assistants about it ... haha yeah at least they all come from good families and are not misbehaving, I generally have problems with cursing that's all ...

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You definitely need to talk to her parents, despite the possible repercussions.

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Talk to the young lady and ask her what got or happen to cause her to drink. And try taking her camping, hiking stuff that involve alot of physical activity and it should be an alcohol free environent.

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we have tons of activities and all are alcohol and tobacco free, they just love activities and I spend my time planning these ... and I feel it'll help when we'll have our 5 days camping trip where there's no way she'd get alcohol ... going to see how she'd do ..

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Perfect!

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consult the parents

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okay ... OKC OKC OKC .. lol good luck for game 4

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If she is an alcoholic this young , she could also become pregnant and in the future an abuser of drugs. <br />
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Speak with her parents and have one of your assistants with you for support.<br />
Call al anon or aa and see what they can do for you.<br />
If you are a youth leader, than I assume you are in church. Use your resources and see if there are any psychiatrists or doctors or nurses available to consult. They see this everyday and they could help. Even a police officer or fireman can help. They deal with issues like this as well. They can point you in the right direction.<br />
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Good Luck and don't quit on her...

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Educate her about how ugly she will look, even before she hits thirty, if she doesn't take care of herself. Guys won't want to date her.<br />
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I am 62 years old. All the heavy drinkers, whom I knew in my younger years, have either died or have become immobilized in their older years due to chronic health problems.<br />
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Educate teenagers, so that they understand the long-term consequence to one's health.

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I Was A Alcoholic By Twelve Beating It Wasn't Easy I Did It On My Own. So If You Really Want To Help Her Talk To Her And Let Her Know You'll Be By Her Side. Get Her To Realize That She Won't Have To Do It Alone And Get To The Bottom Of Why She's Doing So. When I Drank I Drank To Get Away From My Problems. Each Person Has Different Reasons And If You Can't Get To The Bottom Of The Why Doing Anything Else Is Pointless.

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we just don't know why she's doing this ... I'm sure you're right there's something behind all this ... but can't figure out what ... I think it may be abuse or something bad from childhood, and the idea is freaking me out ..

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Talk To Her... Get Her Talking And Let Her Talk. She Might Not Want To Tell You Or Won't Directly Say What It Is But Her Unconscious Mind Will. If You Listen Close To What She's Saying You'll Get It When People Get To Caught Up In Talking Sometimes Their Unconscious Minds Takes Over Causing Them To Say Something Off Something They Never Meant To Say.

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That's a tough one. I'd have to ask more questions to get a better idea of what life at home is like

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ask and I'll answer my friend ...

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Biggest 2 things jump in my mind are abuse, and parents allowing access to alcohol. That'd make a difference on whether I came to the parents about this problem or not. Might be a good idea either way to contact human/social services and see what they say

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abuse I don't know, but from her parents no, they are extremely nice and polite, young too .. about 39 or something like this .. access to alcohol might be the case ...

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I wish I knew what to tell you. I still think contacting the DHS with this question is the best way to go

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well, we're currently taking advice from a psychologist, she's telling us exactly what to do and what to talk, if things stay the same she'll take over ...

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That's good to know. I hope everything works out for the best for all people involved

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