I am a mother in law and my DIL doesn't speak to me. If I tried to talk with her, I was "too pushy." Now I am "uninvolved." Not saying this is your fault. Sadly it seems to be a lose-lose situation. Have you talk to your hubby? She is his mom and you don't want to make him feel like he has to choose. (although he already did when he married you!) I would just encourage him to have a good relationship with her, be polite, there when she needs you, but not get more involved than you have to.
"I would just encourage him to have a good relationship with her, be polite, there when she needs you, but not get more involved than you have to."
Most inportant thing is to not let her bug you. She will know how to push your buttons and will. When she says or does negative things to you laugh or call her out. If she is truly manipulative she has lost her power over you straight away. Unless you are manipulative yourself you will not be able to beat her at her own game so end it. And never argue with your partner about it etc it will give her more of a chance to interfere. Trust me.
Im in a similar situation - my ma in law started off being nice but pushy and now is downright rude and offensive. She has a huge chip on her shoulder and its clear she see's me as an extension of her family because as my own person she couldnt conceive someone who would stand up to her. She actually sneakily deceived me into continuing with a pregnancy that made me miserable and nearly killed baby and I, moving towns to find a cheaper rent - that happens to be in the middle of nowhere and is down the road from her - and she uses money to control our lives. Ive told my husband over and over that her behaviour is not acceptable, it even makes me suicidle.... I guess just sticking to your guns and putting the responsibility back onto your husband is all you can do. I dont know about you but when I married I didnt agree to give up my independence, my career, my happiness or my personality so that some threatened old bat could bully me for the rest of my days. As for livibg with her ... Leave now.
try stay away much as possable. don t cut her up to much to your spouce. as hard as it is. and don t let her get to you get thicker skin. my mother in law hated me for years she now loves me. i just remind my self i married my wife not her. and not wifes fault her ma nuts!
beleave me she hated me for lot years!!! i took her only daughter and moved to anther state and did lot other horable things. she beleaved
either ignore her, don't spend time with her or have your spouse deal with her.
lastly, get a new one.
*sigh* I kind of expected as much :(
I'm also going to guess that you two are fairly newly married. Spouses frequently come with in-laws. Living with them can pose some unique challenges (as you are learning).
Pushy and manipulative are common traits, without knowing more, I'd say she is trying to be helpful even if it doesn't appear that way. Do you work or go to school or are you tending to a baby?
Here is what I suggest, try to organize your day, and leave time for her "talks" and input. Be time specific, let her know that you can allot her "X" amount of time, between the hours or (for example) 12-2 pm (so lunch will be included and make it more bearable). Any other time should be greeted with "I'm sorry, but I don't have time to talk now, lets do this tomorrow". The 'let do this tomorrow' is very important, I won't go into the psychology of it.
Always remember (as I expect you're living rent free) her house, her rules. That doesn't mean you should have to be constantly peppered with her input.
I have no idea what country you are from or where you are, but some countries (and religions) have deep rooted family hierarchies in which the matriarch leads the family. more later I hope I remember to get back to you. One can't be expected to apply western culture to everything.
Try and have little contact with her. You try being the same to her.
My mother-in-law handles my husband's salary even now. I.e even after 10yrs of our marriage. I am sick nd tired of this nd finally made up my mind to talk and settle this matter. She wants to control everything on earth. Any suggestions, let me know