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I love my best friend but her constant drama is dragging me down. I feel sad and I weep for her every time she chooses some loser guy and ends up in very bad situations. My husband says her behavior is wearing on me and he's right, but I find myself drawn back into her problems all the time. I want to help, but she keeps making terrible choices and she doesn't listen to any advice from loved ones. Now she has two babies for a deadbeat. I'm getting so weary of her draining nonsense, but I love her too much to walk away. She was my maid of honor at her wedding and I was very involved in her first pregnancy.
BGer BGer 31-35, F 9 Answers Dec 19, 2012 in Family Struggles

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Lay some ground rules for her. Tell her what she's doing to you. Tell her what you need from her and explain to her what you are willing to do in return. It is time that you took control of that relationship since you are unwilling to leave it but are torn apart by it.

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I have a friend EXACTLY like this. We have been friends for 36 years.<br />
Her problems never go away. There is always drama that she creates.<br />
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Distance yourself from her for awhile. Let her know you care about her but for her bigger problems she needs to talk to a therapist.<br />
This is hard but she will get the idea.

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I have a friend like that. Last year her issues became too much for me. I love her so much and just seeing her with the idiot she was with and sticking with him after he had done so much to her, I just couldn't handle it any more. So I told her that I love her but I had to distance myself from her for a minute. We used to have the occasional lunch but that has been a while. However, she is still with him and I miss her but I can't deal with his behavior towards her. I will always be there for her if she needs me. I just can't be a part of her current world. So we text, email and Facebook message each other. So seems like you should maybe distance yourself for a little while and see how that goes.

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tell her to go back to school and get a anti depresent. it flubbung works like a flubberbutt

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I have the same problem with my sister. She was psychologically abused as a little girl by our mother. As an adult woman she's a doormat for abusive and even sadistic narcissist men. She recently discovered a YouTube channel made by an author who educates people about the mind of abusive sadistic narcissists: 'samvaknin'.This seemed to enlighten and empower her enough to see the futility in her relationship with her current live-in abusive sadistic narcissistic lover and kick him and his two children out of her house and to the curb. I love my sister and can't let her go. She isn't toxic but quite the opposite. But perhaps this YouTube channel could help your girlfriend see what she is up against.

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I used to be the same before I met my husband because of abuse. Therapy helped and I began to choose better. I never let any of the fools in the past impregnate me though; I was always diligent about birth control.

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My sister has spent thousands and thousands of dollars on therapy. And she never had any children either but did have one abortion that I know of with her ex husband. After this last guy I think she's about ready to give up on men and get a dog. Does your friend have a brain in her head other than the one she uses to select the deadbeats that impregnate her? Is she capable of building a career for herself?

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She's capable and she is about to start working on a career. She has two babies to support after all.

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Good for her! Keep encouraging her and maybe she'll learn to make better choices.

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Don't totally neglect her. But taking some space from her and her drama, let her know you're there for her when she's ready to fix up.

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Life can be so cruel...it's hard to turn your back...but it sounds like you should

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