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I%u2019ve recently started dating this great guy whom I%u2019ve known now for a few weeks, he owns a house and has 3 children a 3, 4 and 8 year old. I just recently was invited to his house and although he mentioned that he had cleaned it for me to come over the house was filthy, the carpet was full of stains there was dusty every where, the bathroom was dirty the floor.. well it was nasty, he is a single father who shares full custody with his ex-wife and he allows his babysitter to care for a couple of other children in his home and from his complains he seems to get a bit frustrated with her messiness. The whole situation sets off an alarm in my mind, one concern is the fact that the children are in that mess, although I know that they create it they still need to live in a clean home particularly since they suffer from resp. issues, it also concerns me as to what type of person he is. He just divorced last year
meoliver meoliver 26-30 22 Answers Aug 24, 2009

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He is a pretty normal guy. At least he tries to be a good father.

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I have a close friend who is married. They have two kids and have had me babysit several times. Everytime I do I end up doing the dishes just so the kids have something to eat off of and drink out of. One day I couldn't stand it any more and was direct with my friend about the cleanliness of his apartment and how it wasn't fair for his kids to have put up with that. All he could say is that both he and his wife work (though opposite shifts -so I dont see how thats and argument) and that I wouldn't understand till I have kids.<br />
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The point of the story is that even if you tell the guy you probably will never change his habits. People are going to do, what they do. Just feel sorry for the kids

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say "hmm i cant wait to see your house after we get through this sh*thole"<br />
or<br />
"so who won the war in here"<br />
or<br />
"YOU my friend are a FU*CKING DISGRACE, clean this house you filthy scum"

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"So, I'm just gonna leave these scouring pads here and head off...."

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you might have to offer your help and clean . or jump on board to dumpsville. those small kids like that is tiresome the will mess it up terrible.

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Be blunt and say it. They usually don't care and don't have a clue where to start. If you "help" they will just watch or run in circles. Even if given explicit directions they won't see the dirt. <br />
My interpretation of an adult is someone who can take care of themselves physically, monitarily and take care of what they own. How can they care for you if they don't respect or care for their own stuff? I overlooked my own advice and tried this several times. (While cleanly,I'm a slow learner) #1 i nagged. #2 i constantly picked up#3 was surprisingly fine. #4While a wonderful guy over the longterm my initial ideas were right on.

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I am dating a single divorced man around my age and has no children. he invited me over for dinner one night and i could not believe the filth in his home or how he could invite anyone over for any reason the way it looked. dirt, filth, clutter, dust 2 inches thick, clothes all over the place, bathroom toilet was the only thing pretty decent. floors stained, tiles, so much crud on them from probably the 15 years he lived there. I got the heebie jeebies being there. not one spot on the coffee table to put my drink. clutter, dust, empty glasses from long time, papers, wrappers....need i say more? i like this guy, nice, attractive, polite...not like the ones i have been meeting. we connect....how do i tell him i am never walking back into his place ever again....tactfully!???? I've never had to do this to anyone. I don't want him to think I am trying to change him, but i have issues sitting is a smelling filthy home. <br />
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suggestions welcome!!! please!!

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there is no nice way to say it. just dont drink or sit and then they may get the message

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I would be open with him. If he really likes you then he should appreciate your honesty. Tell him that you're telling him because you care and because you are concerned for the kids and then offer to help him. This will be a good way to bond with him. I also wouldn't take it personally that he has a messy home. It's hard to take care of 3 kids and work and be a single dad!!!! I would praise him for being their for his kids!!

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He might not know how to clean - he might not know his vacuum bag is full etc. If you think he is that good, then cut him some slack and help him. If you teach him, he will know your standards - good starting point.<br />
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So don't beat about the bush just tell him you have issues with the cleanliness of his place and if you are going to be together it has to be sorted.<br />
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Relationships are all about communication, he will thank you for it - maybe not immediately. As heart2heart states, involve the children.

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After eying the shambles, say 'I love what you've done with the place.' say this when giving the P.U. look. or while walking around the overflowing fountain of trash in the kitchen. if all else fails, dont keep inviting yourself over their out of sheer niceness. Trust me they will get the message.

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Time to contact Niecy Nash and the Clean House crew. Maybe he will win a complete home makeover.

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OMG the same thing with MY friend. but also just because there is dust and the floor is messy doesn't mean they are necessarily FILTHY. I think we would need a picture of it to understand where you are coming from. but maybe you can invite him and his kids to YOUR place for dinner or something and when he sees how neat your place is he will understand

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Hello! Maybe since he's already having problems with the sitter, why not find one that is willing to clean a bit too. Will obviously have to pay a little more, but would be completely worth it! If he has someone once a week, that would be a tremendous help. Also, it may be easier to say something as you two get to know each other better. Good Luck hun!:-D

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This is really difficult and should be handled with kid gloves...He obviously doesn't realize the extent of his mess and it will take a while to allow him to adjust...<br />
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Ok Here goes...you just started dating and he is a great guy...Normally I'd say that every woman goes through a similar process...find man...analyze changes needed...slowly, methodically change the environment. It's like the frog analogy...put it in hot water and it will jump out...put it in room temp water and slowly turn up the temp...and you can have frog stew....<br />
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In this case....Let's try something different...Why not offer a "labor of love"...You can offer to clean one of the rooms...the kitchen maybe...maybe a different room the next week...possibly enlist the help of the kids...<br />
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Could be a fun learning project....you can even reward the kids with ice cream or anything! Good luck...

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i would go in and say ''wow'' looks like your hands have been realy full'', let me help you get organised and then we can have a few beers,, its the least i can do for a friend'', i know you would do it for me, we can have it sparkling in no time,lets make a choar list and the kids can help to. this will maby incurage him to keep it clean. he probably doesent realy know how to clean,,a lot of guys dont.

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smooth it over his ego kinda<br />
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like...i know you work really hard single parent and all that but your place is a tip..i understand its not your fault etc.....do some kind of thing maybe you could both make a day out of cleaning it up

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Easy jump Up one night, start screaming and ask was that a cockroach!

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