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After a very dramatic break-up, I cant seem to trust men anymore. I receive lots of compliments and even received a confession three months ago (one day after The Dramatic Break-up). But I cant seem to be able to trust anyone who would declare himself especially like that, almost stalk me and be in touch with me almost permanently (+/- 1 day out of 90 there was no contact). The more this person insists, the more I mistrust, even though i feel at times that he might be honest. But my disbelief takes always over...How can I trust again?
diaphane diaphane 26-30, F 6 Answers Jun 21 in Dating & Relationships

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That's a tough one Diaphane. My wife left me for my best friend around eleven years ago. I would have taken a bullet for either one of them. I was really messed up for years.<br />
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I guess somewhere down the line I decided that my life is better when I trust people. I'm very open and trusting until someone gives me reason to regret my trust. At that point, I'm done. It feels much better to me to be able, in my mind, to move on when trust has been breached.<br />
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As painful and dramatic as the break-up was, as yourself if you were a better and happier person when you took men at their word. If the answer is yes, keep trusting until you find the man who deserves it.

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I dont trust you enough to tell you.

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nice one

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You need some alone time and time to heal. Don't date for awhile and just work on you. You will know when you are ready to date again. And men have to prove that they are trustworthy. It's not something that you just do without their proof.

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actually this person is a very good friend and we "get" each other...but the moment he told me that he had a crush on me, I dont see him as a friend anymore, but a man in the first place. He is constantly complimenting me, says that I am amazing and says that things with me are simple and effortless, as if happiness is simple with me and that I make him happy. I want to believe the friend that I see in him, but I dont seem to be able to jump into the dating game again anytime soon...although he was there for me from Day 1 after the Break-up, always trying to make me smile, to boost my ego. And I must say he was successful at it. I should have been still crying over my break-up if it was not for him...But now I realize how much I was wrong and how my ex did not deserve me in the first place. Im in a lot of doubt...

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What is the worst thing that could happen if you trust your friend? It sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship and you may risk losing your friend if you try. On the other hand, what is the potential gain for you if you and your friend do build a romantic relationship? Maybe there is more that he can do to help you recover when you're ready to move on. Good luck.

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Then don't. You'll be better off. The more you trust, the more they hurt you.

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and I can still be happy?

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Yeah as long as you're not torturing yourself over it. I mean you can learn to trust again but just prepare yourself to be in this position again.

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I tell to myself that after what my ex did, I am really ready for everything...but im trying hard to see into things, anticipate, over-think..I understand what you are saying...not sure if I can risk my sanity right now...

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Thats understandable. I hope you overcome this.

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So di I...I usually am a trusting person until the trust capital is getting to a point of no return...But every single time it is harder to trust and even more painful to rebuild myself. I trust my friend, but I am scared to trust the man from within him . He said that he would never hurt me...I have an answer for this affirmation, already. Judge the man by his actions and not his words...So far, he is sporless, but when things are too nice, it just generated a warning sign in my mind. It is just a tiring conflict between mind and emotions.

Thank you so much, ThereIsNoName for your input

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Welcome. :)

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3 More Responses

Tequila helps.

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:) Tequila lies...

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Never!

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:D

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