maddieaz maddieaz 36-40, F 8 Answers May 27, 2009

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We take "time outs". When we are arguing we try to monitor our own feelings (particularly anger). If anyone of us gets too upset, we simply admit it, say it: "this is just too much for me" "I can't handle that kind of comment" "I'm about to say something I may regret so let's just leave it here for now" and then we stop it right there. It's not easy.

We take time out, each one goes to a different room or outside for a walk to calm down. Later (it could be 5 minutes to a couple of hours) we talk with a better disposition and we usually are able to work it out when we do this.

I warn you, it is difficult to achieve. We used to have long and horrible fights, but for us to get to this point where, we have fights but we work them out quickly and respectfully... it took a lot of effort from both partners and we had to make several agreements to stick to this strategy, but I'm glad because we are a lot happier now.

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well if you were the one that was wrong what would it hurt to say hey hun i am sorry for ????? and i hope you can forgive me for it.

if he started it try to talk to him about it and the way it made you feel..

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If your the husband: apoligize for getting it wrong whatever it was and yes you lose the argument. Do not apoligize hold your ground and she will not interact with you for a long time again you lose. The first is quicker and easier.

If your the wife: apoligize first and he will not forget he was right, it happens so few times, he will want to bask in the moment.

Wait for him to apoligize may take awhile and there will be strings attached and some old history to justify his behavior, maybe even possibly your fault.

I hope this clears it all up.

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Usually I am, probably because I'm the one that does something that need apologizing.

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My husband likes to argue, so I usually tell him that I'm not arguing about this with him....and I either go to another room of the house, take a bath...go to Starbuck's....depends on the time of day.....If he tries to argue at night, before bed, I tell him it's too late to get into such a heavy discussion, and we'll talk about it tomorrow....(advice of a therapist, and it really works out well)

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My spouse has his own way of explaining he is not against me he is for me,But the way I take it is thinking he is against me.Then he says I don't went to be your enemy I love you,and I say back I love you too.For me sometimes I might cry a little.He then says come here,I sit on ths lap,he holds me close then we kiss and it's over.

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One of us will usually reach out to touch the other... Whether it be an arm around the other in bed, or taking their hand- whatever. Touch is amazing and usually we both end up apologizing and feeling better regardless of who initiated it.

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