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I am helping this young girl at church who was disowned by family.
AncientTurkey AncientTurkey 66-70, F 19 Answers Jun 8, 2012

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You move on. God gives you a family that you are born into. They are there to help you become self-reliant. It is nice when they are supportive but not all families have cultivated the skill of nurturing each other. God gives us friends, some of which we love like family, so that we can be happy with the choices we make in our life and get the support we need to cultivate ourselves. She needs to learn to cultivate her family of one until she chooses to add people to her family.

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Become more awesome then my family ever was.

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:)

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My family don't wanted me . <br />
I have bipolar and i am differnet.<br />
And they can not handly the way I acted <br />
some time.<br />
And some time at the time i can not help it.<br />
And so my family has walked way .<br />
My Parents were live.<br />
They really did not wanted me .<br />
<br />
And it is sad that family do that .<br />
When you need them the most.<br />
<br />
Good luck to help this girl

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I am so sorry your family did this to you.I have a son with bipolar and it is very difficult.I will never walk away.Shame on your family.
Make sure you join a support group,NAMI(national alliance mental illness) is fantastic.They have groups and assistance in every state.They can help bring you and your family back together.This group has helped many families reunite and connect with their loved ones with bipolar.

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Thank you . My step sister grand daughter could have it and now she is see what I have.
I don't wanted back.
I am doing just fine on my own.
And some time it is hard.
But I have leaved on my own and I am doing
great now . There days I am have hard time .
But I am doing fine.
And thank you for caring about me .

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The best thing you can do, is move far away and start your own life. I moved 7000 miles away and found a better life than I could imagine. Better off without them.

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INSTEAD OF ACKNOWLEDGING THE GOOD ABOUT THEM AND IGNORING THE BAD OUT OF LOVE,I FLIPPED IT INSIDE OUT IN MY MIND AND REALIZED THAT IM SOOOO MUCH BETTER OF WITH OUT SHALLOW,HYPOCRITICAL,FAIRWEATHER MINDED SOUL SUCKERS.USED TO HURT.NOW ITS A SMIRK,A SIGH AND A SHAKE OF THE HEAD AND MOVE ON.BESIDES,WE ARE ALLLL IN THIS ALONE. ANYWAY. GOD BLESS

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Sounds like (whether she was put into foster care willingly by her family, or taken away by law, that this really doesn't have to do with her personally.<br />
<br />
In either of the situations, having a blood relative in foster causes many strong feelings: guilt, shame, blame, grief, confusion, anger, rage, helplessness, hopelessness, loss (even if the family was dysfunctional).<br />
<br />
By turning her attempt to reconnect with them down, they may simply be trying<br />
to keep the memory of those feelings, and the events that took her to foster care <br />
away. <br />
<br />
Is she a young adult? I bet she's blaming herself. She is not to blame for their<br />
lack of ability to deal with the situation. If I could, I would tell her that a thousand times every day!!! She is not to blame for their lack of ability to take her back. It's not because she's not lovable, or good enough.<br />
<br />
The problem lies with them.<br />
<br />
She, however, can think about find a small way to keep trying to test the family waters......there may be a time a year, two, or five years from now where they<br />
will mature enough to welcome her back. Perhaps a letter or greeting card once<br />
a year, with a simple sentence of "I'm thinking of you and hope all is well."<br />
<br />
Not. Her. Fault. <br />
<br />
Thanks for trying to help her!!

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Well first of all, All the names of the disowning family members are forever banned from consideration as baby names. No Grandparent Visitation. They rejected you, chances are they aren't willing or able to love any of your children. <br />
<br />
Family is then written out of the will, they will never get anything ever. They made that decision to disown, let them be lonely. <br />
<br />
Best/ Close friends are then elevated to Honorary Family , because they have proven to be good to you. My best friends then become My Brothers for all intents and purposes. <br />
<br />
Find more friends to hang out with. Many times, good friends can be better to you than your own flesh and blood. <br />
<br />
Leave the area, never look back. They will just be somebody that I used to know.

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They didn't disown me,I disowned them! Because of their greed and ruthlessness.now they're trying to come back into my life.my dad the main culprit now calls and we do talk little and my neice who is my daughter in law too!don't ask!!

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Greed can corrupt a family.

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iv never been happier i dont like my family the less i see them the better its there loss

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By trying to prove my worth.

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Just because you are born into a family doesn't mean you have to like or even love them, maybe this is an opportunity for this girl to find herself away from a bad situation. Just support her where you can and more importantly listen to her and remember nobody has all the answers.

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Sounds good. They are sour with her because when she came out of foster homes, she tried to reunite with them.

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sometimes the cloud is the silver lining, it just seems like its not. Finding a therapist for her to talk to maight be a good idea too.

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Sounds helpful, I'll take her to our church counselor.

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being alone is where everyone starts. embrace the fact the family that was is no more and a new life starts now. establish proper role models and a network of friends who will not judge and will support her. define achievable life goals and ob<x>jectives to focus energy towards. always be confident in the fact you belong in this universe and no one can take that away.

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What good advice. I will copy this to show her.

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I was recently disowned by my family. My mother has a cluster b personality disorder, perhaps a mental illness (like a schizoaffective disorder or bipolar) and is "disturbed" as my psychologist puts it. She has been and is the threshold to the rest of my family, so when she disowned me, she got the family's buy in. (Without me there to defend myself of course.) My father's side is cut off too... He married a woman (who is my age) and she basically told him that he had to choose: his new wife or his adult daughter. We haven't spoken in years. But this from my mother was more recent, and more devastating.

I've known I would be healthier without her in my life, but there is something about being rejected. I'm in my 40's, divorced, and I literally have no support system. I will be 50 in a few years and I now have to re-build my life from the ground up.

I originally "coped" by doing self-defeating things. Part of my problem is my mother told me she thought she was "enabling me" by helping me when I have financial emergencies. I am in poverty and she is a millionaire (she married into a rich family in her 50's). Her "help" was helping me help myself, it wasn't holding me back. SHE was holding me back. So now I struggle with "if I rise from the ashes, will her abuse appear legitimized?" My psychologist (who I see twice weekly) explained that once I'm in a better place mentally, that won't matter to me. She has drilled in a "Don't exist" message for 45 years into my brain, so it's not going to be undone overnight. I am frequently suicidal, especially now (after being disowned) and the HEARTBREAK... I feel like a baby left in a dumpster. Except I have the disadvantage of always remembering the abuse, the contempt she felt towards me, the abandonment. I can't tell myself lies to get past the pain. I remember the truth, and it's heart-wrenching.

I'm getting to a better place after almost 3 months of despair and intense work with my psychologist. I'm starting to realize that my worth isn't rooted in being a servant, without flaw, for her or anyone... I don't have to have a family to have a reason to get out of bed, or get groceries or clean the house. I always thought the meaning of life is love... But perhaps the meaning of life is actually to simply live it the best way you can?

The hard part of coping is not having a friend yo hold my hand, or a pace to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas. No one will celebrate my birthday. I was brutally stranger raped and strangled a year ago, and there will be a trial... But not one person to sit out there in support when I testify. But I am responsible for me. And "reintegration" is a part if the healing process, when a person like me finds their way back into society. I know of a church, been a few times... My goal these days is to connect with other humans IRL, not just online where it's "safe".

This girl you're helping, she needs to know three things... 1) being disowned is about their sickness, which clouds reality. This is their fault, not hers. A real family accepts each other, if not approves. She accepted them, despite the bad things they probably did to her, they disowned her. (I'm assuming previous abuse because healthy families love and accept, while abusive families disown and tear apart.) 2) They will NEVER, EVER change. She can not help herself if she expects them to be any different. She can change the way she's willing to interact with them, but they will ALWAYS be the way they are. In this case, hope for their love will do nothing but hurt her. 3) Love isn't exclusive to family, and for more people than most realize, there isn't love to be found in the family of origin. She needs to know that YOU love her, others she knows at church love her. It's THAT LOVE she needs to embrace.

In Transactional Analysis people with a "don't exist" belief (like me) can only be healed through affection, meaning compassionate, caring, friendly, loving others. Smiles. Hugs. Nice words. If she has this same "don't exist" belief, this isn't something she can "work through" on her own. She needs regular and frequent positive interactions with people to see that she is worthy of life, she deserves to be here.

Good luck, I'll pray for both of you.

(Sorry so long... I had a lot to say.)

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