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lovelywings lovelywings 31-35, F 22 Answers Feb 2, 2013 in Dating & Relationships

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I would feel just fine..I have to say something and you might think im an idiot or whatever but just think about it..<br />
A lot of women have a problem with their men watching **** because they get insecure in comparison with these pornstars and their "amazing bodies" or whatever.. It might be the case that a woman just dont want their man to compare them to anyone at all, period..<br />
But just think about it..<br />
Isnt it in comparison that we find, our loved ones to be most beautiful..<br />
How many times have all of us not said "i love him more than anyone"..." He is the most beautiful person of all i have met".. " I have never been touched as he touches me".. Or whatever, the possibilites are neverending.. <br />
My point is, that it is in comparison with other people that we see the unique in our loved ones (or just in general in people).. It is when we compare that we notice how beautiful and special we are in each case.. <br />
Besides that, men are very visual. They need a visual stimulant in most cases. During sex, a lot of women close their eyes, while men almost always keep theirs open. And most men would never be with a pornstar. Its just a fantasy.. He is with you because he likes you and is turned on by you.. And it is made clear to him by comparing you with others (like pornstars or ex girlfriends or even one-night stands).. Tell me if you think im crazy.

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I think you're crazy... crazy awesome that is.

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Well thank you kelnira. That is kind of you to say.. Im sure you are crazy awesome too :)

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Lol

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Hehe.. Thats all you have to say?.. No "disagree" or "agree" or anything like that?. Not even a " you are an idiot and im going to block you"?

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better than being addicted to crack or something.

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As long as he or she were still able to have awesome sex with me? no problem.

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I would be ecstatic

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that would be *SO* freakin hot

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Lol

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Happy because it would be after I asked them if they like ****.

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Indifferent

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Id feel relieved that is not something like he's having an actual affair or he's a serial killer

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It's only natural!! No problem

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Ok this is coming from a guys perspective (straight guy) it is perfectly normal to watch **** every now and than. Some more than others but ladies that's just a thing guys do its like a second language

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I would be annoyed.

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Disappointed, but realistic about these things.

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How realistic?

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Well, I cannot assign a number to it, because that would be simply meaningless. By "realistic," I mean that essentially all men (including my self -- to a lesser extent in recent years) are fascinated by looking at other people engaged in the things that **** covers. That does NOT mean that he doesn't love you ... it's more a matter of visual stimulation that harkens back to mens' hunter-gatherer days. Sorry to be so blunt, but my screen name IS AnonymousButCandid.

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embarrased

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I'd aid the women I was with in overcoming it, or learning to incorporate that media into our relationship

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I don't know but I've spent an hour trying to delete all of MY profiles and I'm nowhere NEAAR finished! Grrrrrr

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It's not hypothetical question to me. <br />
<br />
I actually love ****, I watch ****, I've done ****. When I watch **** (for fun not work) I'm half turned on, and half taking notes on her moves/skills/techniques to duplicate at earliest opportunity with a partner. Let's just say I'm open-minded, free-spirited, kinky, fun-loving and all that, but at heart I'm a monogamous gal. <br />
<br />
However!! My ex-husband of 20 years preferred **** to actual sex with me. He wouldn't come to bed with me he'd stay up all night "working" on his computer. He couldn't wait for me to leave the house so he could watch **** and call phone sex. He'd cancel social plans at the last minute so he could stay home and jerk off. Our marriage was a joke. He was not a regular-joe **** consumer, he was an ADDICT. It took me years to overcome denial that was the situation. And the way I felt about it? Angry, unattractive, weepy, jealous, damaged goods, insecure, neutered, gaslighted, betrayed, lied to, traumatized, worthless, disgusting, unloved and unloveable. <br />
<br />
It's not just me. Divorce attorneys have told me eye-poppingly attractive women clients walk in their offices every week and say "he won't have sex with me, he prefers online ****." <br />
<br />
If you are an addict or your partner is, do a google on the NoFap Challenge at Reddit and good luck to you. <br />
<br />
I dumped my **** addict husband. I watched awesome **** this afternoon.

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I was with my best friend-turned-boyfriend for the past year; we just split up and the final factor was that he was addicted to p*rn, and yeah. I'd go to bed around 11 or 12 and he'd be up till 5AM in the living room on his laptop. I was in denial. I'd lay awake and come up with excuses to go out to the kitchen so I could peep in and be like, "Uh, are you coming to bed? You work in 4 hours. What are you doing out here?"

He denied it and denied it and when I kept finding it, I'd get upset for him hiding it (and for blowing me off so he could watch **** when we'd always had *great* sex!).. I became neurotic and crazed. I'd wake up for work and immediately search every nook and cranny in his computer. It was a horrible, horrible cycle.

I've gotten to the point of missing him so much that we met up last weekend and are going to see each other again tomorrow - it's been 3 months since we split and we live a couple hours' drive apart now.

I enjoy seeing him but I'm making a choice not to invest the way I once did. Damn. Meh. I would have done anything for him. He really screwed it up. I mean, I knew his 'favorite' girls by name, I found so much of it..... ughhh.....

OK here's a question: After having a serious conversation about how it was destroying our relationship, he kept doing it and kept lying about it and kept trying to hide it. Does this mean that he never really loved me? Does this mean that he's incapable of empathy? Could he even be sociopathic, to do such damage and have no conscience about it?

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So you're problem really spoke to my situation and I wanted to offer my own insight. I'm a **** addict and my gf doesn't know. Now honestly it's not to the point of your experience, staying up every night, but it's a couple times a week. Pretty much whenever we don't have sex I leave while she's sleeping to look at it. I'm ashamed of it and want to tell her but feel I can't help it.
The things is that **** is completely different from sex. I love sex, and it's the most amazing thing when it's with the person I love. But **** is it's own entity, like a friend I've known since childhood. I try to give it up and I should, but it's the easiest and most gratifying thing, I can see how it could replace a human relationship. For most people it's no big deal, but I'm starting to find that for addicts it can come down to the point that it's choosing between yourself and your ****.
I would say the best thing for you to do, if you really care about the person, is to be understanding but confront the problem. Tell him you're worried and mostly want to help. That's just what I'd want to hear.

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I hate it. Because my husband substitutes watching **** rather than having sex with me. When we do have sex, I feel like it's boring and it's just him using my body to get off instead of us having an intimate relationship.

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