Husband suggest I have sex with someone (M or F) to spice up OUR sex life. Would you?
Married 11 yrs...have one child...open minded husband, me not so much. Have to say I'm a little interested, but not sure about it. Any insight on open marriages? How do you even find someone? Not interested in complete stranger or "adult finder" service. He'd want to meet the other person and says he'd be willing to participate or let me go it alone. He says he's not expecting anything in return since I've told him, if the tables were turned I wouldn't want him to be with another woman. I know it may sound like someone's dream come true....
We've had a lot of problems in past, primarily my lack of interest in sex. No libido, for lots of reasons, so he's saying he's willing to do "whatever it takes" to find "catalyst" in resparking our marriage. So?....
32 Answers to "Husband suggest I have sex with someone (M or F) to spice up OUR sex life. Would you?"
Posted by ActaNonVerba71 Jan 9th, 2010 at 7:03PM
I think that is absolutely bizarre. I could be wrong but I think that phenomenon is mostly a white guy thing. My guess (and that's all it is) is that this stems from one of the possible sources here:
1) Sincerely wants this (or, maybe, THINKS he wants this)
2) Trying to ease you into something. As in, "well, you've
been doing a., now lets try b.", then "it's only fair that I try c."
3) He cheated or is cheating and wants to assuage his guilt.
But, that's just guessing. I don't understand these sorts of things, never have. I'm pretty sure I'd go Incredible Hulk (if I was married) watching some dude rail my wife.
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Posted by Friskykat Jun 16th, 2011 at 1:12AM
I think you need to figure out what you want....forget about what pleases him.....what would turn you on?....Dont do anything just to please him...
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Posted by ShadowofDoubt Jun 16th, 2011 at 1:12AM
No, if i wanted to have sex with others, i wouldn't be in this marriage with him.
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Posted by atasteforsuffering Jun 16th, 2011 at 1:10AM
i don't think it's a good idea
sex with a stranger isn't going to spark your libido
try roll play or toys
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Posted by enna30 Aug 14th, 2010 at 4:07PM
Mismatched sex drives are very very difficult to live with in a marriage. Visit the "I Live in a Sexless Marriage" forum and you will see how desperate some of us get in the situation where a spouse is not interested in sex.
amework of comfortable boundaries.
I don't think your husband is a bad person at all - he is just trying to find a way to get you interested in sex. If this idea does not appeal, say so. No-one should exceed their own boundaries of comfort.
But please DO get help from another source to rekindle your desire for sex. Being without sex in a marriage is eventually a deal breaker for many of us. Even when the spouse is loved and appreciated for other reasons. I encourage you to take whatever steps you can to rekindle your desires within your own fr
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Posted by Sammy69 Jan 9th, 2010 at 7:03PM
NO WAY!!! Tell him to go f*** himself!!! Why should YOU have to do this? If he loves YOU then he should be happy with just YOU!! Maybe YOU do not WANT him anymore and that is why you have no DESIRE for him!!!What happens if you LOVE it and then want to be with this NEW person?? I'd think twice about my marriage , YOu WILL feel awful afterwards--Your sex life with your husband will always include ANOTHER once you do do it@@
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Posted by houzie Nov 20th, 2009 at 4:17PM
have you tried any other avenues of rekindling? visiting an erotic shop maybe? watching some ****? honestly if your in love with some you should never get bored of expressing it physically with them. i think having sex with someone else will plant a poisonous seed in your marriage... tread carefully
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Posted by 2nice Jun 16th, 2011 at 1:13AM
Tough call! Really depends on the two of you and how solid you are as a couple. I've heard of couples spicing up there sex life like that and it's worked out well for them, but I've also heard about the ones that have been disasterous. If you're both into it, set out the ground rules and give it a try. Make sure you both agree from the outset what constitutes success and failure. Personally, I can't imagine... but that's just me.
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Posted by cookiecakes Apr 16th, 2010 at 1:06AM
I think it's worth a try. Just make sure it's safe and with someone you both trust..
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Posted by college101 Apr 16th, 2010 at 1:06AM
I would totally go for it! Surprise him and bring one of each at the same time lol...
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Posted by conceptualclarity Nov 9th, 2009 at 9:36AM
I really think paragraph 3 of enna30 is the most important advice you've gotten yet. Msjen, i think your sexual rejections of your husband have driven him deeper into ****, and that **** is apparently the source of this desire to get into wife-sharing, an interest you see in a fairly huge number of male profiles on EP, and quite a many female profiles. (Don't think I've spotted any husband-sharing, yet, interestingly enough.) **** is putting in men's heads the idea that if they really love their wives they should be willing to give them opportunities to have sex with men with much bigger penises than their own. **** is also inculcating in some men a titillation about watching or hearing about another man or men doing their wives. To me this is like a guy who hears a woman say "I don't want to **** you anymore, I'm going to go grab another woman," and he goes off right away and masturbates--it's a sick, pathetic sexual masochism. I don't think you're doing him a favor by giving in to this perversion. What you need to do instead is reconnect with him totally lover to lover and tell him this wife-sharing stuff is not what you want.
It will change your marriage forever if you start being the hotwife not for him but for outside men, and he is in the role of the inferior guy who comes in afterward and has sex with you on the basis of you two daydreaming about your tryst with the superior dude who just did you. Do you want a husband who from now on will irrevocably be in the role of a beta male? If that's the marital relationship you want you, you're an unusual woman. I note in this context that you're still attached enough to him that you're unhappy at the thought of him with another woman. Don't go for this; go for marriage counseling and/or sex therapist instead.
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Posted by newman360 Oct 24th, 2009 at 10:37PM
for the life of me I can't understand why women don't excecpt sex for what it is .you don't have to love some one to fvck them.whats the big deal ladies.this crcp about waiting for mister right.go out and enjoy your self.could you have a low libido because you're not getting it at home right.go out and fvck your brains maybe your libido will change
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Posted by nobuddiesbiznessbuttmine Oct 23rd, 2009 at 12:27AM
Christers, don't you realize what a PIMP you are married to? Get a clue sister!
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Posted by gbelle11 Oct 6th, 2012 at 8:04AM
We had been married for 20 years, and for at least 10 of those i had bought up the subject of a 3 way sex with another male. She was like you, and did want to try and did not want to. We were out in Las Vegas on a short vacation and I brought the subject up again. In Vegas, the sex city, things can happen that would not happen at home. She asked how I would find someone else, and I told her that I would hire a professional male hooker. She seemed okay with the idea, and later on I did line up a guy for that evening. When I told her about him, she hit the overhead, and said no way, that she wanted to go home right now. I told her that it was arranged that we have dinner with him, and seeing that it was paid for already we might just as well eat with him. She said okay, but there was no way she was going to have sex with another man. We had dinner, and he was a real good looking gentlemen, and very nicely dressed. After we ate and a couple of drinks, he went to the mens room, and my wife surprised the hell out of me. She said if I still wanted her to get ******, by all means she would go for it, that he really looked and acted nice to her. Well told her jokingly that I didn't know if I wanted him to **** her or not. She didn't know I was joking, and said if I didn't want to join in, she would meet me later, because she was going to get ****** by him. Boy was she ever hot to go. I had never seen her like this before. I laughed and told her I was kidding, and when he gets back lets go to the room. We had a real nice night, and she let loose with every thing she had. He sure knew how to please a women, and me to. Later I told her how wonderful she looked with a **** in her **** and one in her mouth, and she laughed and said that I didn't look to bad with a **** in my mouth either, that it made her ****** again to see me suck on it.
That trip turned our sex life around completely. We now enjoy sex together more than we ever did before, and now at least 6 times a year we do a MFM and love it. She will never do a FMF, because she feels to see me ******* another women she could not handle it.
This I am sure is not for every couple, but it sounds to me like you can handle it the way you think. It is just can he handle seeing you get ******? That is the big question that you will have to answer your self.
Like (1)
Posted by paloma37 Nov 1st, 2011 at 8:12PM
Don't do it. My husband badgered me for over 20 years until I agreed to sleep with another man while my husband watched (and participated, as it turned out). We repeated the experience a number of times over a 2-year period with various individuals before I called a halt to it. Some of the experiences were exciting, but never fulfilling. I have finally realized that he was basically pimping me out for his own pleasure while claiming it was to help me feel beautiful and fulfilled, as he has ED. After that, I did not feel precious or special to him anymore. He doesn't truly treasure me if he'd let other men **** me. We are now separated, for a host of reasons of which this is only one. I am not sure we can ever repair our marriage because I don't trust him anymore.
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Posted by faeryearth Jun 16th, 2011 at 1:17AM
My hubby brought the subject up with me years ago, wanting to see me with another woman. At the time there was no way I would consider it, i'm not sharing him, nor am i doing anything with a girl. honestly i was scared i would like it with her more than him and ultimately lose him. recently the subject was broached again by me and the concerns i had and got past are now his concerns. if your hubby really wants anything of this nature you will want to talk it over with him for a while and then back off for a few months or longer and talk it over again. time changes thoughts on things, brings with it new concerns and jealousies. he may think he's ok with it now, but maybe he won't be in time. the same applies to you. I agree with the post above that suggests role-play and or toys. As someone who has a low libido, both of these have helped, maybe not as much as we hoped, but something is better than nothing.
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Posted by Digger88 Jan 30th, 2011 at 10:55PM
Depends how truly you both feel about this. If you really decide to go with it, Make sure you know the guy really good. Also make sure he,s cool about it also.
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Posted by drlesmoore Aug 29th, 2010 at 2:23PM
It is your decision to make and with that said, you should be the one to decide who you do it with if you decide to do it at all. If you do decide to do it, you might want to get far away from where you live so that if it turns out to be a mistake, it does not come back to bite you in the butt. It can be a vacation experience. Try going on a singles boat cruise and pose as brother and sister.
If you want to spend some time with me. I would be more then willing
jlesgibson@yahoo.com
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Posted by CuZn30 Aug 27th, 2010 at 4:27PM
How is this going to raise your libido? I question the value of this with you two. What is driving your desire not to have sex with your Partner? If you decide to make sure that you have studied all the problems and make ground rules. I just don't see where this would raise your libido and it may doom your marriage if you can be sensual with someone else but not your partner. You need to resolve your relationship first.
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Posted by Kadance4you Jul 30th, 2010 at 8:58PM
NO I did this one time and now that I will not do it again he ignores me and we have not had sex in 2 months we been married 5 years i have been cheated on he is 38 and im 25..........and he comes home late from work that nite i would not have sex with the other woman he left me with the kids and went off with her............its a horror story DO not do it
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