Husband suicide?

My husband & I got into a fight. He is clinical depressed and I said some really horrible things to him. He attempted suicide and said it is cause of me and the things I had said. I love my husband very much and didn't mean those things and told him that I didn't mean them and I love him. The past 2 years I have been going through his mood changes and his yelling at me for the littles things and I just got mad the other day. I want to help him. I didn't realize how serious depression is until recently. I know I need help with helping him but right now I am so hurt by what he said. Is he right am I to blame for his attempted suicide? He said he would have rather been dead then to be with me. Please help us.

Posted 2 months ago

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emperorofcali

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Actually, you don't need "professional" help. You need an answer to your question.

And the answer is: Yes. You are to blame for his attempted suicide, at least partially. You are one-half the relationship, are you not? And as this relationship appears to consist of two unhappy people blaming each other for their unhappiness, by staying in the relationship you are accomplishing two things:

1. Perpetuating your own misery, and
2. Providing a scapegoat for his misery.

The longer you stay in the relationship, the more misery you will produce. At this point, that's all the relationship is: a misery machine. It will keep on producing misery, because that's what its chemistry produces. You are like two volatile chemicals that only continue to destroy and make a mess. No "professional help" is needed. For what? So either one of you can develop a drug dependency to go along with the other problems?

You simple solution is this: simplify. You have accumulated too much, starting with each other. You can either do the uncomfortable thing and separate - a move that will be hard at first, but will open up new possibilities that may or may not be miserable - or do the comfortable thing by staying with the same misery you are used to.

Sooner or later, it will end anyway. Ending it yourself will cause the least damaging effects.

Posted 2 months ago

Other 10 Answers to Husband suicide?

rusted	Posted Sep 2nd, 2009 at 11:59AM It's not your fault. He is a sick person and is trying to manipulate you. Get some help for him. Get some help for yourself too. If he doesn't want help, get some for yourself anyway. Rated: +3Vote for this!
ZombieKitty	Posted Sep 1st, 2009 at 4:46PM The two of you need to seek professional help ASAP hon. Good luck and keep us updated. *Hugs. Rated: +2Vote for this!
SummerWind18	Posted Sep 1st, 2009 at 4:47PM No you aren't to blame, just a trigger. He just needs medications. Does he see a psychiatrist yet? I'd be suprised if not. If so, he may need to up dose, switch medications, or add another medication on. Rated: +2Vote for this!
arkansaskat	Posted Sep 2nd, 2009 at 9:13AM ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! That is called emotional blackmail at it's very worst. You are only responsible for your own actions NOT the reaction of anyone else, even if it is to something you said. He needs help, medical help. You can not eat this it is not yours!!! Understand that and believe it... no matter what he is the only person responsible for his actions. My heart goes out to you, this is a very difficult situation to be in. He does need to see a doctor right away though... you can't heal him yourself, you can only show him support and love while he gets the help he needs. Rated: +2Vote for this!
zorbas	Posted Sep 2nd, 2009 at 11:58AM I am assuming that since you described him as clinically depressed that you have already sought medical aid. The next question if this true, has he maintained his schedule of medication? If not, he will be more difficult for you to support him and you can expect other outbursts.. You are not to blame for his behavior, you are as one poster here said just a convenient target for him. This does not mean that your relationship hasn't contributed to your current crisis. We , of course are not privy to the dynamics of your marriage and consequently understand his actions.. In any case you are in a dilemma that is not an unenviable one to be sure. If he continues on his suicidal bent and is successful that is one convenient way out for you . The other way is to realize that you may not be able to or indeed strong enough to support him in this. In that case, I suggest you make arrangements to separate from the scene until he can through medication or counseling start to improve. All the affection in the world if any remains on your part can resolve his inner demons. It will be fight he can only do by himself Rated: +2Vote for this!
Bananna	Posted Sep 1st, 2009 at 4:47PM You are not really to blame for what he did, you just happen to be the closest person, the easiest target around so of course he's going to blame it on him...he's hurting so much that he wants to push everyone away and maybe make them feel some of the pain he's feeling, it might be easier for him to see you walk out on him because he pushed you to it, rather than doing it on your own...that would hurt him. Depression sucks, I have it, I treat my poor husband like doo sometimes (I don't mean to), sometimes he strikes back because he gets tired of my mood swings but I'm grateful for that in a way, it keeps me in line. You guys have to go to a councelor...is he on medications? Can he change jobs or change a little bit of his life so it's not so stressful? If you love him you need to stick by him, he really doesn't mean to hurt you but you have to be strong for the both of you so he doesn't do something stupid. Hope this helped, be strong. Rated: +1Vote for this!
TheGoldenBear	Posted Sep 1st, 2009 at 6:24PM Sounds like you both need professional help to deal with this issue. Not to blame but to understand and fix. Rated: +1Vote for this!
polysexminoh	Posted Sep 1st, 2009 at 4:51PM I'm sure his depression is not caused by you liked stated before. Encourage him to see the Dr to find some meds. Encourage him to find/make friends. Help where you can, even if it is just taking time to listen to what he says, how ever long. He may say things that you may want to reply or respond to, but offer to help him and ask him what help looks like from you. He feels isolated, I'm sure. Show him he is not going thorough it alone. It is a long journey for you both,patience and your encouragement can help. Rated: +1Vote for this!
axeman66	Posted Sep 1st, 2009 at 5:26PM you are in NO WAY to blame for your husband's suicide attempt. get counseling. if he won't go, you should go yourself. your husband's blaming you is a way of trying to control you through guilt. Rated: +1Vote for this!
HomaSapiens	Posted Sep 2nd, 2009 at 12:05PM The top answer to your question worries me quite a lot. The gentleman is correct when he says you need an answer to your question; he's absolutely wrong when he says you don't need professional help. Only professional help will give you an answer to your question. Your husband's life is too important to risk. Depression can be cured, or managed, and you will need medication to get started; it's like the cast you would put on an arm to help the broken bone heal. Rated: +1Vote for this!

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