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angelindisguise2 angelindisguise2 36-40, F 18 Answers Sep 11, 2012 in Family Struggles

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No contentious relationship is without a cause. Constant bickering and arguments are a manifestation of some greater unspoken issues that remain unresolved and will never be unless you face them down honestly.<br />
You two are sparing around and not telling one another of what is putting the strain in your relationship. You both are at fault in this.<br />
It may be as simple a the fact that you do not really like one another and should not be together. It could also be that he has found another and he now feels trapped in a mmaraige that does not equal the thrill of his romance elsewhere. He may be staying as many men do because of familial responsibilities.<br />
Step back and think seriously of why these verbal sessions start and why.

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...and work together to try to resolve it.

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You are a christian you know god is forgiving. Do what you know is best for you. if you feel you would be happier without him. Leave.

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"i am in a relationship, but i am unhappy, what do i do?" is like asking "i spilled my coffee, do i clean it up?". the answer is obvious- a marriage is meaningless if you can't make each other happy. If you're really so intent on following the "rules" of your religion, think about whether you're willing to throw away your own desires simply to abide by a pact made under conditions that no longer hold true (love, understanding, happiness, essentially all the stuff you felt when you wrote your vows). I don't think god would hate you for finding happiness- your husband may find happiness as well. I could go so far as to say that maybe your god intends for you to experience a divorce, because from this experience you will gain the knowledge necessary to truly live a christian life. Interpret my words and the situation as you like, but whatever choice you make I hope you find what you're looking for

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This is a tough one, I'm not a christian but I'm staying in a marriage with some issues too. There are some things I've come to realize. One is that every marriage has problems. Not just little ones, but big ones. I've left one marriage and am on my second so I'm really qualified to say that. You've got to think long term to make a marriage work. You also have to do some serious problem solving on your own. Men in general tend to come to marriage thinking that they are who they are and it's the woman's job to compromise. I used to give in to keep the peace. You've got to find constructive ways to stand up for yourself that start moving the interactions in a different direction. If he won't change, you have to learn how to be strong enough to get what you need and be happy. You have to set boundaries. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean screaming, but it might mean changing the way you react to what he's saying to you. Figure out what he gets out of hurting your feelings and see if you can take away the reward. I also really believe in therapy and if he won't go, go yourself. At least you'll have someone in your court, who will listen and be compassionate!

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i will try that, thank you

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What does being a Christian have to do with being unhappy? I've read the Bible from cover to cover and back again and it doesn't say any such thing.<br />
Guess the first thing to do is to open the lines of communication with your husband and let him know you aren't happy and then to devise a solution.<br />
If you can't come up with a solution or the solution doesn't work then nothing says you have to remain unhappy.<br />
Pretty sure one of Christ's messages to us was to be true to ourselves, only then can we be true to others.

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In my opinion, divorce should not be an option for christians. Seek good christian counselling.

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yes, that's what it says in the bible, that's why i am still with him

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Is he a christian?

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yes

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I will pray that the two of you will find the happiness that your looking for. Get that counselling. God wants you to be happy. Reconciliation begins will humility.

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1 More Response

I'm not a Christian, but whatever you believe, if you're not happy the way things are now, you might find your luck somewhere else. I'm not saying that you should cheat on him, maybe a really open conversation with him might help, but I don't know the main source of your unhapiness. If you're unhappy, go get your luck.

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Why aren't you happy? Should be the first question to ask yourself.

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we fight everyday

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But why :/?

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i am not sure why, but it seems like he find fault in every little thing i do

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You should probably have an honest talk with him. First time you guys are having problems?

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no, it's been at least a year, and i feel like i reached my limit

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You should tell him that..see how he reacts..mind if I ask how long you two have been married?

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3 More Responses

Don't you have to try to sort it out?

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we try everyday

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Well if you've tried everything and you're still unhappy I don't see why being a Christian condemns you to a whole life time of the same.

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have you told him how you truly feel?

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yes, but he keeps saying he's not doing anything wrong

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was he the same way when you first met him? because you cant change him

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no, he changed

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File a divorce?<br />
I don't know?

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ask god to help you

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Did you marry an unbeliever?

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he's a christian

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Define Christian,as to what denomination you belong to, if you want grounds for divorce then adultery is the the only way out , depending on how strong you are in your faith,simply facts are nobody goes to the Bible for help these days.

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No you don't have to stay with your husband. If he's abusive or a cheater, leave him.

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he's not physically abusive but verbally abusive

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That falls under mental abuse. You don't have to subject yourself to that. If you've tried to get through to him and he just won't change, you have every right to leave. I don't believe for a second God wants women to stay with abusive men, no matter what.

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thank you :)

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