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I am in the process of a divorce. My soon-to-be ex throws a big super bowl party every year. His brother wanted to come to it and flew all the way across the country. (The brother in law is a very nice guy, no drama here.) At first he told my daughter that he had to stay with me, then he relented and said he could stay there (it is HIS brother). Yesterday, my ex called his mother and told her that because of the divorce, blah, blah, blah it was not a good time for his brother to stay with him and his girlfriend. Remember he is already here. He didn't talk to his brother but called their mom. Their mom was going to send money for the brother to stay at a hotel. I told him that he is more than welcome to stay here. But I can't believe that my brother-in-law flew all the way across country to see his brother and his brother is being so uncaring. Why would he hurt someone like that? It is wrong on so many levels. These are men in their 50's we are talking about. I am so disgusted and can't understand my ex's thought processes....
banburycat banburycat 46-50, F 7 Answers Feb 3, 2012

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That's why he's your ex.

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Amazing that the brothers cannot even talk to each other -- it shows a dysfunction in that family . You are right, your ex is acting poorly and it is hard to justify under any circumstances. Offer your house to your ex-BIL and then stay out of the mess.

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That is totally my ex. He always refuses to communicate and is very passive-aggressive. Won't say anything to you face to face but will do everything behind the scenes to hurt you and try and make you as miserable as he is. I have always known that to some degree but tried to excuse it based on his childhood. The longer I am away from him the more I realize that it is him that poisons the well, and he is the only one that can change that. I am much better leading my own life and doing what I think is right. Right now that is offering my house to my ex-BIL and making his time here as nice as possible because it is the right thing to do. I don't plan to get involved in the mess because it wouldn't do any good and my ex will have to deal with his thoughts and behavior someday...not my place. I just think that he is having some mental illness spike.

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You sound well grounded and are moving on well. Bravo for you!

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Don't dwell on this, okay? Note it and move on. Don't use it as an excuse to 'hate on' your ex. For your sake, detangle yourself.

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If I wanted to hate, the laundry list would be long but hatred damages the giver not the receiver and I want my life to flow in a positive motion.

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sounds like the soon-to-be-ex is trying to please the gf that is living with him. which is so wrong.

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I think that is part of it but if they are uncomfortable about their relationship then why are they living together while he is still married. If they are so happy to be together then why not share it with his family. They might be her family someday too. But, this is a very sweet man who just wants to see his brother and his nieces. I am so ashamed that I thought so highly of my ex at one time. He is obviously an empty vessel.

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empty sounds about right. and even though you are in process of a divorce, it's pretty tacky of her to move in with him. he is still married. but if he did it to you, he will do it to her. i really feel sorry for his brother. i don't care what the situation, if my family came to see they would stay in my house!!

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They are in a bubble...misery loves company. They were together before we split up. But, it is okay because I know that I want a different life and I am happy to be able to get reacquainted with myself and build my life on the foundation of my values and beliefs and not try to fit myself into his dysfunction. My heart just breaks for his family and for the example he is setting for our children.

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i'm glad you're moving on. you are too good for him anyway. as far as the kids, just be there for them to show them how decent people live. they will learn from you.

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Those people are miserable?..i dunno..my best guess.:-)

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what did they, he, she, it do now?

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