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I am 16 years old a junior in high school and i am lost.A few months ago i was in an extreme depression that i prayed to god to kill me.I did not want to live at all.Nowi don't feel like dieing but i am still depressed.I cut myself now.I use to do it for the reason that i like how it looked but know i do it because I'm in pain. Recently i found out why i was depressed and it was that i wanted to be loved.I feelalone I am shy and i feel very ugly.I have never told a girl that i like her.I don't look at people in the eyes for some reason.When i hear people say to be yourself and girls will like you it crushes me because my real self is a monster.I want to kill people.I want to know how it feels to take a humans life.I want to first kill my mother then my father i hate them so much.Their is only one person that stops me and that is my little brother that is 5.He is the only person that i love and if i kill my parents he is going to be hurt the most.Their are more problems but I need help.
mustang15 mustang15 16-17 6 Answers Apr 27, 2012

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When I was 16, if I had had access to a gun, I would have taken it to my school. This wont mean anything now probably, but those feelings will lessen. Try not to to get involved with drugs. If you can.

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Depression is wicked in that it has to find a reason to feel bad. I wish that I could say that what you are feeling right now is unusual but unfortunately many people suffer just as you are now-and you will get through it. I think that the most important thing is to learn to understand what this type of depression is. It's a chemical imbalance and in your case most likely set off by hormone changes. I'm not a Dr. and I don't want to sound like I am but I have suffered from clinical depression so I understand how your thoughts and feelings feel like foot steps on shattered glass. The thing is, start to tell your brain to think differently. Even if you don't believe it, when you have an unkind or unpleasant thought say, "While I feel this, it is not the truth and then tell yourself the opposite. It will be exhausting at times, at times it may even feel impossible. I have two children and that was my string of sanity and my desire to live, so hang on to the truth that your brother not only needs you, he loves you. Don't accept the feelings you are having now as who you really are. And most important make a few calls and go see someone at your school who can help you through this. You are not alone. When you get past this-and you will, reach out to someone who is going through what you are and help them.

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Well the fact that you feel empathy and sympathy for your brother shows that you're not a psychopath and you're not a monster. You are a depressed kid with anger issues. Talk to a counselor about it. You have the rest of your life to look forward to. You wont be stuck in the same house as your parents forever. Death and the death of others are not the only way out. You need better coping mechanisms.

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Dear. First tell me WHY YOU WERE DEPRESSED IN THE FIRST PLACE? and i know hate your parents. but why depression.

I'd like to help you.

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It started around the beginning of the school year.All my guy friends began to have girlfriends and i was the only one that didn't.I began to think about it a lot no matter what i did or didnt do to get a girl to notice me seamed to never work.I started to feel that i will never get a girl friend. I began and still believe it.

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Hey . you know what? I never EVER had a boifriend as i went through skool . All my "girl friends" ...AND I WONDERED WHY??? how come not me?? i would "secretly" look at thier flaws physically and socially. just observe, them. Boys never bothered me. Not because i was ugly. but maybe it was i shy? or maybe...i had zero confidence. how knows. i mean ..come to think of it...GIRLS COME AND GO. right let yourself grow. don't compare yourself. EVER. its painful, i because i know. make yourself smart, being noticed? that should be last right now. i could tell you more. well. keep talking dearie. ;)

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***my girlfriends..HAD BOYFRIENDS. all of them :(... ***typo

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Call a suicide hotline. I know, you aren't talking about killing yourself, but if you tell them what you just told us, they can point you in the right direction. They will give you a number for someone who can help you.

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