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Hopesordreams Hopesordreams 26-30, F 14 Answers Feb 20, 2013 in Affairs

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First-Realize that sex is not love-

Second--try to talk& listen-so you can find out the Reason(S) he might have stepped out so YOU can help make things better!

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Very wise advice.

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I have been trying to get him to open up to me. He's a closed book. I didn't get upset or yell when I finally got it out of him. I just asked him to be open and honest with me but I usually can tell when he's hiding things from me. He is very secretive.

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Well-You should know him best--What is the best way to get him to open up--It's differant for all of us-Some folks are more talkitive after sex-some when they've been drinking/smoking-I'm thinging that You can do it(if you chose to go through the effort!

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based on the fact that you seem to know he would have hidden it from you forever.....If that was the case in my relationship...I would never be able to trust him again.

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Either decide to trust and move on or if you can't then move on before you waste more time. It's not perfect but spending years trying to restore something that isn't restoreable is a waste of both your time.

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How did you get the turth about your husband. You can't trust him. Men lie about even little dumb things.

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I made him confess. I had a feeling something was going on and told him if he can't be honest about it that our marriage will never work. Unfortunately he has hidden many things throughout our whole marriage. I also found him "sexting" another women, not the same women he was having the affair with.

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My husband tells me he gose on dating sites for ****.

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You figure that one out, let me know. My lyin, cheatin, ***** of an x-wife had an affair with a ac/dc f--kin queer. She even flew the bastard up from Florida to Virginia on my money ( of coarse, I didn't know at the time - found out later ), I'm only sorry I didn't shoot and kill the bastard when I had the chance. Trust is 'earned' and not to be given away lightly. Once someone f--ks you over you can never trust them again, because no matter what they say ( I'm sorry, etc., etc. ), "YOU KNOW" they are lying and would do it again in a heart-beat.

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An ongoing affair that he would've continued to hide indicates no guilt about doing it, just a desire not to get caught. Honestly, that would let me know I could probably never really trust him.

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I would not....you should leave his sorry @ss...

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Leave, or agree to an open marriage.



There are other reasons for a relationship than sexual faithfulness. If you have a home and a family together, that's a lot!

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That is a long journey you must go down and some tough choices you need to make, such as will he do it again and if trust can be restored, sometimes it cannot other times it can but either way, it's not an easy decision, hope the best for you

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I don't know. Does he love this other woman?

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I don't think so but I cought him messaging her a couple weeks ago. He said it started three years ago when I was pregnant with our son.

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It's pretty long term for a fling. I think (I'm sorry to say this) that he has feelings for her even if he isn't bundling them up and calling them love. You need a big think. Can you live with the shadow of this? Because I really don't think she's going away any time soon. If not, you might have to be the one that bows out. It must be agony. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

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Thank you.

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