When we married, my mom did not like my husband either. She kept her tongue however and treated him kindly. Over the years, her kindness turned to genuine love and when she died, he was one of her pall bearers. We had three sons and one son's partner I am not too fond of, but I keep in mind how grateful I was with my own mother's treatment of my husband. So I am kind to this young woman and supportive of my son's choice.
I do think your instincts for your daughter's wellbeing is something to listen to however and keep in mind. You may have good reason that at this time is a "gut feeling" that is something to heed ~ which I am sure my mother had also but she keep her counsel to herself. In many ways my mother was right, my husband was not always good to me. However, even in divorce, to this day, I am his friend and counsel and it has made it a good thing for our children and grandchildren, who do not have to choose who to love.
It all went back to Mom who wisely decided she would rather have her daughter and grandchildren in her life, than to disenfrachise anyone, so she tried to find the good things about the person I chose and then grew to love them.
Hope this helps you!
Cat In Seattle
its true, as much as you don't like the guy right now, and your acting overprotective still over your daughter. Its best to let them make there own mistakes. Only support them, whether they made good or bad choices. How else are the NEW couple going to learn what you already know.
Well, as a parent I would say my first concern about my children is their happiness. If your daughter is happy with the dude, and he doesn't abuse her, then there really isn't anything to say, is there? If she expects some sort of blessing from you, keep it vague like "if you are happy, then I wish you all the best." Become a master at changing the subject if you can't say anything nice. Trust me -- while it may feel good in the moment you will kick yourself later if you say what you really feel.
Bite it hard, even if it bleeds. If they're happy, leave them be. It is their life. If you harp on it to your daughter, you will drive her away. I know, it happened with our son! It's not worth it.
Our major concern is that he has not had a job consistantly, he and my daughter live at his parents home.Neither have great jobs, but she seems to finance his partying. His family loves my daughter and want her to marry him. She can be difficult, this makes me fond of them. I do not feel he respects or cares what we think. They will always be with his family, we do not matter. My daughter comes over and he texts her the whole time. I think I just answered my own question..but how do I proceed so she can learn from her mistake and should I invest a lot of money in this wedding ? I do not think so..please help me
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212 564 2607 ex: 2339
Mntleo you are right on...
You are not going to see eye to eye with the young man, but he will mature in time...
After all, young women often " marry their father" ... Although you wouldn't know it until the boy has matured. I was hated by my mother in law, and thought my father in law and I were nothing alike... But that was 18 years ago... How my wife picked an a-hole like her father (me!) I'll never know, but she did!
And, my MIL and I love each other now, she for the man I have become, me for the woman I see my wife becoming... (Now play Disney's Lion King "circle of life" in your head, and go give your grandchildren's daddy a big hug and tell him you like your daughter's taste!) -sxadickt
try a day out something wer u can bond but not feel pressured at the end of the day she is your daughter and could it be ur feelings such as no one is good enough for her (which are very justified feelings may i add as u are her perent) arent getting in teh way of u seeing what he is relay like. give him a shot for her sake
In a loving way, express your concerns about him to your daughter, then support her in her choices. You need to keep the lines of communication open with her and let her make her own choices and even possibly mistakes.
Does he abuse her? Is he mean to her? Is he a drunk or a junkie?
If the answers are no then you should stay out of it, if they're happy no one should break them apart.
Listen to the best advice..let it go.Why you don't like him, isn't mentioned. If it's just personality..then keep it friendly. Your daughter loves him.I didn't care that much for my son in law either. She never cared for guys I dated ..weird huh? They married with me biting my tongue. Her previous boy friend was a sweetheart.I wanted him for a son in law.So that's that. Just be polite and friendly..things can get better..Hopefully! I do get what you are experiencing.
MTV has this great show where the parents pick random actor/models and make their daughter go on dates with them while the parents and boyfriend watch the date from the comfort of their living room and throw scripted insults at one another. Then the girl has to choose one.
In the end she always chooses her boyfriend.
Maybe I just said something profound, or maybe you should just give MTV a call.
Just keep your fingers crossed. Maybe they'll break up before the wedding. Just make sure your daughter can't blame you if that happens.
Like him or not your daughter loves him.
You don't want to hurt your daughter and you shouldn't just dismiss how you feel either. Trust your daughter has made the best decision for her, know she loves you and if something happens it will be you she comes to if you don't get involved.
Know it is hard he might not be what you wanted for your daughter today but he could change we all do then you will be glad you chose to take the role of listener instead of harping or angry words *S*
So long as your daughter is happy with her future husband, no one has the right to speak against that relationship. No one will ever be good enough for your baby girl, & that's how many mothers may feel.
But fight against all those negative feelings, & embrace him like your own. He makes your daughter happy, right? Well, focus on that. Its important to remember that if you DO criticize him, 2 things may occur: Either, 1) your daughter will eventually shut you out of her life or 2) your daughter will have dozens of problems which were not previously there with her future hubby. Either way, it would bring sadness to the family. I come from a big family, & speak from experience. Be happy for your daughter, & fake smile, be polite etc...and try to find something likeable about your future son in law. Think of him more like a son, instead of "your daughter's fiance".
My parents didn't like my g/f way back when but were powerless to change things. And I didn't like my sons g/f at the time but I couldn't change things.
Best you can do is try to remember that it's not your life.
Try remembering the serenity prayer unless it's something serious that you don't like. Then you need to talk to your daughter and get things out in the open.
I just found this site hopefully someone else will be looking and help me out. I am devistated, My only child who just turned 22 and moved in with her now finance' of 6 months...who lives about 10 minutes from me and I have never been invited over being they live on his mother and father's property in a trailer behind his parent's home also whom I have never met...anyhow...my daughter sent me (A SAVE THE DATE) for this July 5th -2014 in the mail. I got it yesterday. I was a single mother did my best for her worked gave her everything. Her biological father was murdered when she was 11. He and I never were together it was she and I all those years and my parents were grandparents. I always provided her a home. Never lived with anyone else. She has a wonderful step father for the past 3 years..being I waited til I was 38 to get married. I knew my husband for 13 years befor getting married. And am still getting to know each other. My daugther just turned 22 and is getting married to a guy she met in a ***** club a year an half ago. He was dating stripers she was hanging out with friends ahhh. She is in her senior year of college he has his degree but bounces from job to job and is a mama's boy. He and his parents have totally turned my daughter against myself and my husband. I would never want my daughter to marry anyone who would know the history of what she and I have endured and do such to her mother. Her fiance' asked me would I give him my blessings and I said NO you are both too young live some more and get to know each other. He then went to my parents and asked my mother for her blessing. My mother told them it was up to them. That put the nail in the coffin for me. Very Rude. My daughter acts like she hates me since she has moved over to his compound where alllll his family live. I cannot talk to her she screams and threatens me and my husband now and calls us names when she bust in our home or calls or text. She acts white trashy and my heart is broken. Someone help me July is not far away. Would you want your daughter marrying into this?
im in the same boat,this ******* who is going too marry my daughter who she only knows 5 months...i tell her honey wait dont move too fast, live with him and im old fasion anthing to get him away from her...the day after the engaement party,my daughter accused him him of doing drugs , which was true.so he broke up with her on the internet ,then posted it on facebook,,,i wanted too kill him, what does she do..runs back..so i bite my tongue and hired a private investgator...i will try my best