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We have been together for 2 years. Recently I found messages between him and his ex (together for 7 years) and he said that a part of him still loved her and wanted to be with her (she wants him too but is married now). This is the second time that I have found something like this and i'm scared there might be a third. I have confronted him and told him I dont trust him. He insists that he loves me and wants to be with me but admitted that a part of him still loves her and wishes things had turned out differently. I've asked him to quit contact and he's agreed but im afraid it wont work. I'm a smart woman and know that I can find someone better and that I shouldn't put up with stuff like this, but the problem is that I love him and don't want to lose him but I dont want him having these feelings for another woman. He's asking me for time and faith for him to deal with his emotions, question is do i want to risk waiting to see if he smartens up? or risk breaking my heart?
bellissima617 bellissima617 26-30 9 Answers Sep 3, 2011

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He has to break off contact with her or it will never work. He has to commit to you.

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If you're a smart woman then does it seem smart to be with someone that you always have to worry about their loyalty? The whole purpose of being with someone is to be happy. Why people would love someone that makes them miserable makes no sense to me. For me that is a big turnoff.

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Honestly? You ARE risking your heart. If i were you, i would leave him. Hes going to keep doing this

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Ummm....it's impossible to love someone you do not trust. At that point (where trust gets compromised or lost) love gets downgraded to "care about", and if you insist it's still love, there is a good chance that "love" is really fear in disguise... What is it you're in fear of losing? Or is the right question "who"? Are you confusing love with the need to possess? Are you afraid that no one better will come along? Why are you afraid of losing someone who's getting away with giving you less attention and devotion than you deserve? Why are you making it ok to settle for someone like that AND be afraid of losing that person??? You shouldn't have to ask him to stop flirting with his ex, he shouldn't do it because HE DOESN'T WANT to out of preference towards being with YOU.

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Ahh, don't worry about it. I'm in daily contact with a girlfriend from twenty years ago, we tell each other that we love each other, and I suppose we still do - but she is married and I'm married and we live 16000 miles apart, nothing is ever gonna happen - let him flirt - no harm will come of it. Everyone gets a bit bored sometimes.

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