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I've been with my bf for 1yr 4 months, & he's had a bad past with heartbreak, he told me b4 we got together that he finds it hard to trust & love. he's never told me he loves me, in fact he's said that he's not there yet. his job here sucks and he's been applying to jobs out of town. he said I can come with him, but I'm scared to cuz he doesn't love me. tonight I broke down while we were talking, he asked why I was so worried to move, and I blurted out "you don't love me!" I went to our room,& 2 seconds later he came in grabbed his pants,& said fine I'll let you be alone. I asked him not to leave. he yelled that I knew what I was getting into when we got together, & that I was guilting him, I said I wasn't, he said he's put up w/ a lot of **** 2 b with me, a ****** job, small town, picking me up from work @11PM so how dare I say he doesn't care. he said he knows i want to hear him say I love you, but that he's not going to say it just to make me feel better if he doesn't feel it yet.
Lithriel Lithriel 26-30, F 12 Answers Feb 18, 2012

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he's playin emotional games with you........& your buyin into it........he's one of those guys that need to "find themselves"........doesn't look good.......sorry

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Well, I mean, after 16 months together when WILL he love you? He's using past relationships as a crutch. I don't think this guy is stable enough to stay with. He will never love you because he sounds like he constantly has walls up and won't let anyone in. You deserve someone who will love you for you, you shouldn't have to try hard at that. Ditch the idiot and his mind games.

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"ditch the idiot and his mind games"?! seriously, that's your advice?! so many people have said that, only one problem, we care for each other, and are good for each other in most ways, what ever happened to being there for someone, and trying to work through problems rather than just bailing?

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If he's been messed around in the past and hurt, he is clearly going to be reluctant to voice his feelings to you - even though I suspect he does have a real sense of loving you. Maybe there are rejection or abandonment issues going on here with him, besides the trust issues?<br />
No relationship comes with a cast iron guarantee for life. Part of trusting ourselves to admit love to others means also opening ourselves to the possibility to being hurt too. It doesn't seem like he's up to facing that possibility yet.

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you are right, I think you hit the nail on the head.

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He came home last night and we talked, I'm not the only woman who has gone through this, his last gf was with him for couple years, and it was the same senario. he told me he thinks there's something broken inside him, and that he wants to love, wants to feel more, but he doesn't know why he can't. he's looking into finding a therapist. he said there's no reason why he shouldn't love me, that he's happy with me, etc.. and that he doesn't know what's wrong with him, but it's not me, this happened with his last gf. who dated him after he got his heart broken by his ex fiance (who he did love) but she was abusive in every way. he has been through a lot that I'm not even mentioning, disowned asa teen by his mom, she chose his abusive stepfather over him etc.., it's no wonder he has problems especially with women, but I'm just worried that they cant be remedied, that he'll never feel it. I just don't know what to do, I really hope therapy helps.

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Well, I think that it was a great first step forward for him in terms of being able to open up to you about how he feels. So yes the bottom line is that therapy has the potential to help a great deal in areas of abandonment and rejection issues, however as with all therapy, the success rate rests largely upon the individuals resolve to want to change. I think if you love him - and it certainly seems like you do otherwise you wouldn't still be there - you both owe the relationship one last chance. I wish you well, glad you got back to me to let me know how it's going. Take care.

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I think some of these comments are over the top. I don't think he is playing a game. Love is a game of vunerable, sometimes you stay together sometimes you be just friends and in others you never talk again. But i don't see him being heartless(mind play ) if he ask you why you worried or invites you to move with him. (Not bad signs ) On the other hand I believe you are forcing your emotions on him by saying you wont say you love him unless he says it first. Which is ridiculous,seems to me you would be hiding the truth until he told you what you want to hear. I think you should rethink what you want out of this relationship, taken some men lie all the time about loving or being in love.

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The reason I told him that I wouldn't say I love you until he did was because I didn't want him to feel pressured to say it to me if he didn't feel it. I didn't want to push him. however when I said it I didn't know it would take him this long! I broke my word last night though, I told him that I loved him, and that I'd wait for him, and that I'd try harder to be patient and understanding. while he confessed that he's worried that something is broken inside of him, because he had this same problem with his last gf who he was with for years. so he's wanting to find a counselor to help him with his issues regarding love. I also realize men often say they are in love when they aren't, I told him I don't want him to say something he doesn't mean, that I don't want sweet lies. but I am glad he's thinking about getting help to feel more and open his heart.

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move on baby.. you've been together for so long and he hasnt figured out if he loves you? what the H**l? seriously, i dnt think he is worth it at all.. maybe he picks you up and all those small things he does for you counts.. maybe he cares.. but is not sure about "love". well, thats just a comment.. you know the answers.. its in the way he feels about you.. its when you;re not on EP. and in the way he looks at you.

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He is just stringing you along hun. I'm sorry. It really sounds like he is waiting for some one else... If he doesn't know if he loves you yet then he won't EVER know... At least not with out hurting you first ##my expirience..

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if he really loves you then he will come back.....and if he wont then he was never in love wid you

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Sounds like he's playing mind games with you. He's keeping his options open for whatever reason... be very careful with deceivers like this.

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how is he deceiving? he's been brutally bluntly honest about not feeling love yet. he's never told me something he didn't mean. so how is that deceitful?

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For trying to use reversed psychology putting the all the onus on you but at the same time wanting you to commit to 'his' wants and needs and making 'you' feel guilty about not going along with 'his' plans. Whilst he has the security of walking away when he wants to saying I told her exactly what the situation was.... he's a good player... be very careful.

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i dont think u ruined anything, at least not permanently. "love" is a word that women tend to throw around lightly, ive heard it after 2 weeks before. he got snappy cause he feels like ur pushing him to say "words" and thats all they are.

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I've never told him I loved him, I told him I would wait for him to say it first, but it's been almost a year and a half!! I've tried to be patient, I've been supportive, trying to build trust and show him I'm not like the other woman he was with.

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oh, im not a relationship expert. hell i bought my wife her own house, just so she wouldnt sit here and ***** all the time.

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The fault doesn't lie with you, it lies with him. He is taking advantage of you and HE is guilting YOU. I think you need to think twice about continuing a relationship with such a man.

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