I feel like I've lost something? Why do I feel this way?
So when I was 17 till I was 20 I was talking to this guy who was 7 years older than me on and off for 3 years. I cared deeply about him because he was a soldier with a lot of issues. I could tell during the early days of us talking that he had PTSD. The last time we talked (back in January of this year) he showed me the numerous medications he was taking for his issues, showing me a loaded gun he had and was still drinking tons of alcohol (he was doing this when I was younger too) we used to talk on the phone, use Skype/Yahoo webcam, I had him on Facebook and we would text. We had two internet relationships that failed, from December 2009-January 2010 and October 2010-December 2010, including the last relationship I had with him while he was deploying to Afghanistan. He said a few times he'd visit me, even on his leave and he never did. I'm 21 and he's 28 now.. we no longer talk but I feel like I've lost something? When we last talked he said he was getting discharged from the US Army.