More often than not I've noticed the "negative consequences" are entirely caused by resisting yourself and trying to be something you're not. Accepting yourself fully, accepting your desires, and finding the best way to channel them is what can usually help bring what seems like a crazy fight between polar opposite "good/bad" sides of your mind to a final conclusion, where you're able to not feel nuts and not be so haunted by worrying you'll do something bad.
Just my two cents. :)
Pray. I am completely serious, it helps everything.
... Just SMILE and know that its in the past. Focus on what is NOW and think positive no matter what happens.
ACCEPT the things you CANNOT change; find the COURAGE to change the things you can - and the WISDOM to known the difference.
slow down and get centered, do things one at a time, if not working see doctor, don't let things get out of control.
i think you need some real support and guidance try counselling or psychology. your in a rough tough place right now. best wishes getting help.
Take the more positive approach....
2 negatives create a positive