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my mum died on Thursday night. On friday I was trying to forget and went partying with these guys I met in Toronto and ended up taking a few pills of mdma. Now I cant believe I was so stupid and I have a drug test tommorow and Im not going to get my son back and I actually cant believe I ever started this sh1t and I actually feel like I have nothing to live for. My mum is gone. I love my dad but he wont be able to have custody for a year because he will do something bad and get arrested again. My sister is fr-iggen cutting herself. My brother is failing all of his university courses. I am going to court tommorow for 23 diffrent charges over the last 4 months. And now im going to be checked into either juvinielle hall or rehab leaving my sister behind. I feel so selfish I didnt even think of them. I just wanted fun. Drugs are not fun people! Please never start!! I dont think you understand how hard it is for me right now to not and get high. Im dying. I hate drugs!! And I hate myself!!
LandonS LandonS 16-17, M 9 Answers Mar 30 in Community

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Okay, you have been through hell and you are enduring crisis now with the loss of your mother, so difficult. No wonder you used! It's okay, forgive yourself, pick yourself up and continue the fight. You will win the war but you lost the last battle. Now talk to the judge tomorrow, explain what happened and how you feel and that you are determined to get clean and get your son back because he needs you. Let him know how much you want to get clean and that you relapsed. Two months clean was a clear sign that you can do this and that you are serious to quit. ..... I've got 15 yr, so I completely understand. And I dealt with Child Social Services too. Private message me and we can talk. You can do this clean! You can do it one day at a time.

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I guess thats true. But only one of the charges is for possesion. The others are for diffrent stuff. And I would like to message you.

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Agreed. Well said. Beautiful.

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It's all a choice and a ride. You need to get away from it. Change your friends, and hang around only positive influences. *it won't stop the craving* but you need to drop everyone thats doing the bad habit like they are the bad habit themselves if you don't want to end up doing this again.

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I like my friends. They dont make me do drugs or anything. They do less drugs then I do and I dont even think they used until they met me.

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Still...Being around temptation can usually only lead to bad things.. You seem to be lacking in the self control department right now. You can take the advice or not. Just trying to help. In your situation, that's what I'd do. At least until I quit having the cravings.

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So let me ask you this question: Did you have fun the night prior your mom's funeral? Even though I'm sure you had a part of you suffering, did you still have some fun with the drugs or was it to numb yourself?

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Oh and I responded in this section because I wanted to say that I like what unspecified24 had to say: YOu have to stay away from all people who do drugs, even if they only do them occasionally. And you need to make new friends in Recovery, if you are to truly get clean.

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no i didnt have real fun. but it got my mind of my mum for the night.

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Wow! Using never allowed me to escape! It always made whatever I was suffering worse for me personally.

But I'm glad you did't have fun. That's a good sign you are ready to truly get clean and stay clean.

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ok ... all this is happening. Now create a Good goal for yourself- something to work towards. Keep it in mind, and work towards it every single day. Create a new you- one who has learned a lesson and can be self sufficient in the future.<br />
You can do it! Take whatever it is that is given you, and suck it up...because you are better for it now... and you can endure. Be strong, and know things do change. You will be ok- just believe it! You can survive and become a wonderful person as a result.

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thank you:) and I hope so

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I have faith in you

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That sounds so strange,your mother dies on Thursday and nearly the next day you are out partying.

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i know. im an idiot. i went to my own mothers funeral hungover.

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So, sometimes we slip up on things, but hey, means all the more experience in life, ok?<br />
<br />
You'll pull through...I'm rooting for you!

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thank you:)

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Kinda makes me realize a stable life can't be taken for granted.
"The things you take for granted, are what others are praying for".
You're welcome, though.

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thats a good quote:)

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Well, it's anonymous, so unfortunately, there's nobody to give credit to...but, hey, I might as well take credit for finding it!

So, thank you, it is a nice quote!

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I am sorry that your Mum passed but USING that as an excuse to justify what you did is disgustingly worse. You used your Mums passing in order to go have something you should not have had. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN !

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i know what i did was stupid. and i dont want to do it again. its just hard

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Yes, it is hard, but to use that excuse was worse yet. Be strong and go forward on a clean life as your Mum would have wanted you to do.

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wow, I am sorry to hear all this. I wish you the best of luck...how old r u?

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just turned 17

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I am so sorry about your loss and hectic life. That being said, you can arise to the tribulations that have been thrown your way; you can do it. Do think positively and lay low for awhile- ignoring partying and such. Due to your responsibilities (child, school, etc.), you should channel your energy to your education, really delving into your studies-getting 'lost'in them. You can resonate well with some fine literature; I feel like you should read The Catcher in the Rye to begin with. If you can seek professional help, then use literature, music, and other clean mediums to facilitate you. Good luck.

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I am so sorry about your Mum. Yes, you made a mistake, a big mistake, but you know that and you want to do better. I wish the best for you. Don't give up.

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