I feel like there is a double standard in our relationship?

today my boyfriend (yes not fiancee anymore) told me he ran into an ol mutual "friend today and they talked,.. i say ok thinking i talk to people everyday . but then i find out he gives her a ride home (shesgeorgous and wearing short shorts while i was at work (in my plain jane scrubs) ,. when i ask him about it he admits it,. im getting kinda annoyed he didnt tell me but whatever,. the thing is that he FREAKS out when a guy gave me a ride from the gym to the outside of the girls dorm (NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF A MILE) when it was pouring rain,. but i cant say anything about this?? he also is getting mad because im living on campus and making less time for us to be together,. this is comming from the same man who wants to run off and join the navy,. whats the difference except ill have less of a chance to get shot (o and fyi my college i go to is only 25 minutes away) so what is the deal here if i bring it up he blows up. help,. any advice or comments,. nothing rude, mean or hurtful please.

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Other 9 Answers to I feel like there is a double standard in our relationship?

Emptysoul30	Posted Aug 5th, 2009 at 1:59AM Seems to me he wants to have his cake AND eat it. You need to tell him to grow the hell up :) Rated: +4Vote for this!
londongothgirl	Posted Aug 5th, 2009 at 5:23AM I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude, mean, or hurtfull. But maybe you should both grow up. Sounds like neither of you are very secure in yourselves. I think a mature health relationship wouldn't involve anyone getting upset about getting/giving rides home on either side. Relationship should be based on mutual respect and trust and it doesn't sound like you too have either. It does sound like he is being particulary unfair. Now I don't know you or him so if you don't like my opinion then ignore it. Remember no one can tell you how to live your life or what decisions to make, you need to do that yourself. Rated: +2Vote for this!
fadedbluejeanz	Posted Aug 7th, 2009 at 12:45AM Not only is he doing the double standard, he's showing you how things are going to be... take this as a HUGE WARNING SIGN worse things to come - in blinking lights. You're smart to drop your relationship back to just being bf/gf... in fact, you'd be smarter to look for someone else. If he's doing this now, the reins of control will be MUCH tighter once you get married. Unfortunately I know how it is by experience.. I've got the jealous, yelling, controlling type at home... trying to get out of it after marriage and kids is much harder... so take a good look at it now before you're in over your head - so to speak. Good luck! Rated: +2Vote for this!
Katfather	Posted Aug 5th, 2009 at 2:30AM Damn... I wish I could come up with a smart answer that would make him sound good, and not so bad, but honestly, I can't do that . I'm sorry darlin', but I'm afraid he's made you into a Trophy, and he doesn't what to share. Now, I admit, you're a wonderful prize, and he must have done a lot to win you, but YOU'RE A PERSON, not a thing. What he is doing is a sad form of murder. To be nice, he may not realize it, but he should be told it, and told it NOW The only thing that he can say in his defense is that he thinks you're too trusting with others and might get hurt, but if he says that you had better point out that he's hurting you a lot worse NOW, and keeping a leash is not protecting.. Rated: +1Vote for this!
azwirlwind	Posted Aug 5th, 2009 at 1:50AM IT IS A DOUBLE STANDARD AND ITS BULL **!iTHINK THE REASON THEY GETT AWAY WITH THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS THE WAY REACT!he needs to be told that if he can do whatever,than u can do that whatever to ONE SET OF RULES FOR BOTH IF U CANT AGREE ! only you know whats best for u,dont let someone confuse u over bull **! Rated: +1Vote for this!
trixiegirl	Posted Aug 5th, 2009 at 3:30AM If he can do things and says that you can't do the very same things- that is a double standard. The big concern is why he blows up when you say something. I hate to say it, but it seems he is hiding something. Classic sign: Getting mad, so people will drop a certain line of questioning. If you confront him and he makes everything seem like YOU, there is definately a problem. Sorry :( Rated: +1Vote for this!
Intruderlvr	Posted Aug 5th, 2009 at 4:18AM This guy is a controller....move on, your young. Stop wasting time on him. Find a more mature confident Man....not boy Rated: +1Vote for this!
Greg862	Posted Aug 6th, 2009 at 12:44PM Intruderlvr hit it on the head...this guy is the controlling type. He has one set of rules for himself and a completely different set for you. And right now, this is as GOOD as it will get...if you were to marry him, it'll get FAR WORSE! If he believes you are "cheating" to accept a ride from another man or to talk to them, that is because HE KNOWS FROM HIS OWN EXPERIENCES that this is how HE CHEATS ON YOU...so he suspects that you are doing the same thing to him. Cheaters always suspect the other one of cheating as well. Sorry to say that from what you have said, this relationship cannot be saved, especially with the issues of him joining the navy, yet objecting to you being far closer and far more accessible than he would EVER BE if he joined up. Dump him now, while it is still your choice and before he hurts you any further. If that is you in the profile photo and if you are at all like you seem to be with your concern here and your attitude towards trust and having other friends, then you will have NO PROBLEMS finding another guy...who hopefully won't be a jerk like this one. Rated: +1Vote for this!
edquintin	Posted Aug 7th, 2009 at 12:51AM Absolutely right. People who accuse their better half of cheating usually are doing it themselves. They can't trust you because they have lowered you to their standards. This will get worse. You seem to be sweet and pretty and young. It is good to date to see what you can live with and live without. THIS is someone you need to get rid of fast. His behavior is demeaning and WILL get worse. Controlling people like to alienate their spouses and treat them terribly. Often times they want children right away so they can make you feel you need to stay. Dr. Phil is right when he says you train people how to treat you by what you will and won't put up with. You are worth so much more. Move on please. Rated: +1Vote for this!

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