the more often you use it, the less value it has. the more he hears it, the less he appreciates it. he will just accept it as another greeting. don't suffocate him with those words. Make those words mean something when it matters most.
see what happens when you want to say it, and don't....stay with whatever feeling comes up...that's what's going on...it could be unmet childhood need that has got triggered and your afraid, it could be you want to control him because you are afraid, it may be because you have so much repressed love that wants to come out...whatever it is you need to feel it in the body at the time you are on the verge of saying it and then stay with it without doing anything, breath and be with it, it's not you it's just a feeling that is very strong and you need to find out what's behind it, then tell us here!
Okay, so you have information now on what it's about. it's not a childhood thing it's more about not seeing him as much as you would like and then you say
and maybe alot of where this is coming from is how i want to feel - by him
Well maybe i like to tell him that i feel all that for him, because i miss feeling it myself.
he's so busy and he does try his best. But maybe sometimes it's not enough?
i need to be told it sometimes too
He does love me, i know he does. It's just he doesn't show it as much as i'd like, so i show it to him to make up for what i miss i guess
Bingo, you have got it. So just stay with your thoughts and feelings, this is about YOU and the answers are right there where they have always been, inside yourself. Good luck
Maybe you just feel the need to express your feelings.... He probably likes to hear from you about it once in a while... but If you feel like you are bothering him and worried you might go overboard, have you ever thought about just writing it all down in a journal?
I think I know what you mean, it's like talking to a wall, goes nowhere so it feels like it's still trapped in there.
My guess is you have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and you are obsessive about other things too. If this is a big problem in your life with other issues too, I would see a psychiatrist. You state that you can't stop and you do this all the time. This is compulsive and obsessive on your part.