You aren't alone. Lots of others feel the same way.

If it is bugging you, then therapy can help. If you are simply curious, then talk or journal about it.

I would definately try and talk your feelings through with a professional.
I had an abortion many years ago and have since had 2 beautiful children, who mean the absolute world to me BUT... my guilt is so overwhelming that even though I know I need to, I cannot see myself ever being able to talk about what I did and now have other issues as a result.
All I'm trying to say is that if you feel you're able to and have the courage to talk it through, then please get help with your feelings.

I really can't answer your question - because only you know the reasons for your not wanting kids - but I will share how I feel about people having children in general. I think it's much more important to be a responsible person than it is to have kids, IF that's not something that you want. Children are expensive, and they need (and deserve) a lot of adult love and attention; if that's not something you feel comfortable in doing, then that's OK - I think it's good that you help kids in your day-to-day life. Believe me - don't have a child just to have a child. There's nothing wrong with opting to be childless, whatever your reasons may be. Just try to be happy, with or without your own kids.

to have an abortion is the same as a miscarriage ...the child was not meant to be ....an unwanted child is the saddest thing........
thank heavens there are women who have the sense and courage to make this rational and difficult choice...

I was always for abortion. I said i never knew if i would do it myself but everyone deserved at least one get out jail free card though i definitely don't agree that it should be used as a form of birth control.
One day i was in that position and decided it was best. I dont hide it from anyone i tell anyone the conversation come up with, and i refuse to be ashamed about it.
Afterward around the time i was due i started to wish that i was having a baby and thought that was awful to want a baby after i just aborted one and decided i couldnt do it
But the truth is the reason i couldnt do it is the same reason i couldnt do it the 1st time and thats that this place is no place for a child much less in the prospective future and i take having a child very seriously unlike alot of people who think nothing of popping them out left and right and if im not going to do it right im not going to do it at all, i know i went through hell as a child and im still coping with that
Trust yourself

I dont think you should be so hard on yourself, having an abortion is an everyday event this day and age, you had an abortion for your own reasons, maybe you did not want to bring the child up on your own, { I dont know im only guessing] but to me that is acting responsibly. please dont let the fact that you made a mistake follow you around for the rest of your life, Im sure when you are really ready for parenthood you will make a great parent

I hope you will learn to forgive yourself if you realize that what you did was wrong. I think when the time comes - when love comes into your life you will change your mind. I hope that you love all the kids you are responsible for in your special ed role- these kids need a person who really cares about them.

Duana

Honestly, abortion is most likely not the reason you don't want kids. I would say your hang up is not with the abortions, its the job. Being around children all day and knowing how demanding they are and how much they drain you...well it's enough to put anyone off wanting to have kids. Trust me, having kids isn't all it's cracked up to be. Not wanting to have kids doesn't make you a bad person, we don't have to have children just because we are women and we ovulate. I respect you for your honesty, don't let anyone make you feel as though there is something wrong with you, because there isn't.

Celibacy is a good life to live.

Bringing another being into this world full of so many cruel things is a big deal. There is a not often seen or quoted line in the bible about how the mothers will cry over their children and be sorry that they were ever born. i wish I could remember it exactly, but I wouldn't feel pressured into having children. I was pressured into having children and as a result couldn't keep up with all that they needed, with devastating effects. I am always struggling to make up for it now. Giving all that you have to others around you is a wonderful way to live life. I'm sure you make a great impact on the children you help. and give yourself time to resolve the children issue, it may take years. but believe me, you are not the only one out there who thinks it is best not to have children, and has made a determination not to.

you are just not reay to have kids.also not every body wants or needs to have children to make thier life complete.you sound like you have a fulfillg life and have kids around you.maybe that is all you need.use bloody good contraception so you are nevr in that position again.and should you wish for a child ever you will know.being a mum is all thats lifes about though.get over any guilt also about your abortions.you are just being normal and cautios.take care.dollydean

2X, YOU DON'T WANT A CHILD THATS OBVIOUS FROM YOUR DECISIONS. NOW, CHANGE THAT. IF YOU DON'T LIKE BEING THAT PERSON OR CARRYING THAT GUILT YOU NEED TO CHANGE SOMETHING. IF YOU ARE ABLE TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN AND ITS RIGHT YOU WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DID.

Having had a planned abortion, then having had a baby that was supposed to be an abortion but for reasons out of my control ended up not, and having gotten off birth control the next time specifically to get preggo, and then getting pregnant on accident and immediately deciding on abortion, I can tell you, that each time, despite what I decided to do, I felt the same feeling of "wtf did I do", up until the point of feeling the baby move and making space for it in your life, I don't think you ever feel ready. Don't let feeling guilty about the past stop you from doing what as a human you're programmed to want to do--when you're ready.

plenty of people out their just waiting to adopt

Here's my advice: instead of having abortions, just take a birth control pill!! Or get a nuva ring, or tubes tied, or something that is a lot less expensive, and a lot less worrisome! I'm not exactly anti-abortion, I understand WHY people have them. I just don't understand why people don't take preventative measures to keep from having to do something that drastic. I've only had one child,she was planned, and the rest of the times I thank the gods for the pill cuz I don't want no more!!

I really wouldn’t feel too bad about having the abortions. I would recommend adoption if you ever get pregnant again. Maybe look into the morning after pill or some other type of birth control. I agree with some of the other people who have commented to your post that these are very tumultuous times in the world right now and everyone needs to think twice about having a child at this juncture. I have two daughters, one is 16 now and was put up for adoption at birth, the other is turning 5 in December and is what wakes me in the morning and kisses me goodnight. I love both so much but I worry about what the future holds for them, so much war, pestilence and pelage in the world right now.
If I had to guess I would say you had the abortions because you knew you were not ready for the responsibility of having a child either, emotionally, financially or socially and could see the troubling times ahead. I’m sure you made the best decision you could at the time. I think you should be hesitant about having children in the future though, for your sake and theirs. It’s possible that your guilt is natures way of telling you not to try and have them.

Why all the unprotected sex? If you protect yourself, you may just save a baby, and yourself....Making a choice to end a pregnancy as a woman, is very traumatic...I think you are suffering from guilt and unresolved feelings from the choices to end those pregnancies...

To minimize abortion, as one poster did, and say that it's just not that big of deal, if so disrespectful to human life....It's a huge deal to end your own child's life....whether you agree with when it becomes a child or not is irrelevant....it can be agreed, that if you don't have an abortion, that life inside will grow into your baby.

you obviously aren't ready for a baby yet and that's fine, but next time you are having sex, think about how you feel now.

Sorry, but I had an abortion and it was people like some on this comment log that influenced me to go through with it. Needless to say the guilt ate at me so bad that I ended up in the hospital w/ psychosis (a rare consequence of abortion) I spent the next 8 years of my life regretting that decision and wanting to make it something that we did not hold in high esteem as a country or generation. How can you say you live in a free country when you can kill your own children and people tell you not to worry about it. Thats called desensitivation, or dumbing down our society. I named the baby that I aborted and I asked God for forgiveness and I moved on with my life. I have a beautiful daughter that I planned on having now and she is a handful, there's no doubt that she takes everything out of me, but she also gives me light in a darkened world because although I fear what kind of a world she will grow up in, I know that just one act of kindness can make a difference and if I can teach her to do that, there's that much more hope that one day we will live in a world that loves life instead of a world the despises and resents it.
You just need to ask for forgiveness to get that guilt to leave you, and if you are truly sorry, move on b/c life is too short to brood over our mistakes, the children you work with can heal any wounds that have been left behind, and as far as having more children, just don't kill anymore. I don't mean to be harsh, but take responsibility and know that one day you may find the right circumstances to nurture a child in your life and if you feel that you can't give of yourself, then just don't. You can fulfill your life in several other ways. I hope you find peace of mind, I know how tormenting this can be and it took me years to heal. You'll be in my prayers!