why tell them ? in my opinion if youve never had depression people just dont understand it..<br />
most of them will run a mile and see you as nothing but trouble..<br />
its horrible enough as it is for the sufferer of depression as it is ..without that as well..<br />
for some with depression yes this is the treatment offered..some of the people who have replied to you here i think dont know what they are talking about.. i too suffer with this..i not had this treatment but have considered it as years of meds just doesnt work with some of us.. <br />
the attitude of the uneducated towards this stinks to my mind..<br />
being labeled nuts etc..<br />
this illness strikes all classes and creds of people..<br />
i consider myself a good person to know in this life,, and my friends and my very close family would agree..im sure it is the same for you..<br />
love yourself and who you are.. dont allow these guys to get you down..they werent right for you.
I come from an abused childhood and lived depressed since about 6 years old, by the time I was 9 I was having a nervous breakdown but the abuse didn't stop there.<br />
I was suicidal from about 17 until about 30 and tried 3 times.<br />
And that is just for starters.<br />
Would you still want to know me now knowing I have thought of suicide and tried it and you thinking that I might leave you by killing myself at the slightest stress if we got together?<br />
I have societies expectations that I will hand down the abuse as that is first thing that is said when they hear of a spouse abusing the other is that the abuser has come from an abused childhood and is handing down the abuse.<br />
I made the mistake to open this pandoras box to people and only to be treated as a leper.<br />
Never again, I put myself in my personal jail rather then being shunned by society.<br />
I can never trust anyone with my past. <br />
Everyone wants to be entertained and be happy, This is to heavy for them to handle so I dont go there.<br />
I can say these things on ep as no one here knows me in person.
I believe strongly in telling people everything at the outset, especially someone to whom you feel close. If these guys can't take the reality of that part of your life, there's likely a lot more they'll run from, so good riddance. I have major depression, and I've been on anti-depressants for 17 years. I have no sex drive anymore, but it keeps me from killing myself. The hell with those who don't understand; there are some who will. Trust your gut.
I know what this treatment is about. They recommended it for me when I was at the state hospital, but it never came to be. It is not at all what it once was and helps a lot of people who are very far gone. I would not bring this up in normal conversation. Every time I have, I have been sorry.<br />
That is why I like this site. It is anonymous and I can talk to others who have walked in my shoes.
Maybe you talk too much about your problems when you meet someone ? Did u consider that ?
It is something you will have to share at some point. I personally would have no problem with dating, and even marrying a woman who has had E.C.T.
That's barbaric. I hope it helped.
sry to hear that your treatment has scared people away!<br />
depression or and mental/emotional condition seems to exist under a dark cloud of ignorance. I grew up in a children's center and depression as bad as it can be was common and lightly regarded. But I never experienced ECT and wouldn't consider it because of the potential damage and side effects.<br />
Understood it was only short term memory loss and was eventually regained..horrible to hear your loss was permanent.<br />
As a rule what is done is done we don't live in the past and it not on the table for discussion...if after years together it still bothers you not telling your partner consider sharing it but not unless you've been together at least 5 yrs
It is a good way of weeding out guys but I would not have told them anything until I know our relationship is sold and know my place. I would tell him then but is prepared in case they leave me for that.
I meant to say Until I know our relationship is SOLID and know my place in his life will I then tell him but would be prepared to stay strong if he want to leave me.
the stigma is in the mental illness, not in the treatment. and to be honest if it where me i would tell anyone unless you feel so close to them they wont judge you
Your not going to like this, I suppose its the fear that as our thoughts come from the head and obviously your head hasnt been well but you have been treated for it, good for you but id be scared to get involved with a guy whos going through or went through this because its the fear of not knowing whats this person capable of if they dont get this treatment, id worry that there is mental illness in his family? and what if i wanted to bare him a child, would they have it? and what if it doesnt work with this person and i say its over what might they do?. If it were me who went through ETC id wait at least 3-5 years before i dated as its a big thing youve been through and you need the rest, its a hard world out there as you know without worrying about meeting someone give yourself time to heal. Seek someone who has been through similar as they will undestand where you are coming from but id only disclose what id been through if i could fully trust him and known him a good while. But your one brave woman thats some treatment you have had im sure thats now banned in Britain im not sure why if it saves lives...x
Screw em!We all have to remember that love relationships are a major investment ,and if they are not willing to commit,that's their loss.As Dr. jolan chang said most problems,including mental ones are caused by not having love in your life.Believe me i feel the same.I always wanted to be a husband and father.Didn't happen.When my father died in 1984 i got to be my mom's caretaker.When my youngst brother and his wife were the parents of quads in 1996,i felt very close to wanting to die.Still took care of my mom.Wheni finally met someone who would have been perfect,my mom jettisoned that.Since then,my depression and diabetes have worsened,and was prescribed Seroquel.Didn't help.Ive also had 3 amputations sinceJan 2010,and i just wish that my soul could have been amped.This year,bth my nepews wives had baby boys one in july one in october.I know how you feel.My life feels like a wound that has feces put in it.You are showing a willingness to commit, they aren,t.Best of luck,hon
Thats not really something you need to tell anyone. If you feel comfortable telling someone (not just seeking recognition or sympathy or the like, just a genuine telling of how things went) then thats fine. I mean, if you have told others in your past and they left...do you think that they would have understood and had compassion and interest for you and stuck around ? thats how I see it...
For myself it wouldn't matter, I think if you're honest about who you are then that is all you can ask of someone. I went through a bad spot of life drowning my sorrows in alcohol. It didn't define me and what I am. It sucked but that was then and this is now. I have turned that page on my life story, it's a big book and the good parts are happening everyday. The ECT was just a page out of your life and if that keeps them from being a part of the story that's on them.
Long A. Please try not to take some of the answers here as critical of you personally. You are the only one here who has walked a lifetime in your own shoes. And, depression and mental illness of all sorts is still highly stigmatized, highly misunderstood, and highly complex, defying understanding---even by many "experts."<br />
There are a few things in life that may be best limited to discussion only with appropriate and seasoned professionals, for this very reason. People can be too quick to become judgmental, so ask yourself "does this person need to know this?" Unless that person is a professional, I say "No!" It's not about keeping secrets, it's about protecting your self and your own privacy from those who maybe just cannot understand. Over the years here are a few things I've learned from watching others; what things that if *I'd experienced them*, I personally would not volunteer, just examples: PTSD from rape or war, any type of sexual abuse or rape, ******, any type of 'mental illness,' most forms of serious trauma, from bad accidents to physical injuries and illness, or emotional trauma from child abuse or domestic violence, almost any sort of not obvious disability or health problem(s), confessing to certain bad judgment regarding past sexual behavior, giving up a child for adoption, if I'd ever had an abortion, criminal background or history, too much info. about religious, political and sex issues, even a dysfunctional family or alcoholic families. Being mugged, experiencing poverty in childhood, or that an "ex" cheated on me. Again, that's only *my* non-expert opinion. <br />
I've seen too may people get attacked and hurt for simply trying to share their human experiences.<br />
That's just me. Even though most people have either personally experienced these things, or know someone who has, but never told them. Why? Self-preservation and a desire to protect my self from others misusing that information. If you find someone whom you already know can handle this sort of information, there's nothing wrong with incremental, slow disclosure over time. Also, why overwhelm someone or burden them with something they may not ever understand, and have no need to know?<br />
Having said that, I'll also have to admit to being a hypocrite here. To answer your question, would I date someone who had undergone ECT? My answer is no. I know I'm too quick to judge potential partners, and I know I'd be thinking: why does this person not have the good judgment to NOT disclose this type of very private experience? I'd feel that if they felt the need to disclose it, it must still be an issue for them, and relationships can be complex enough. Plus, I've had an ex wait three years before telling me that he was once a gang leader, had trafficked drugs, and hurt other people; it's as though he was proud of it. I would (and did) run from that, not just because of what he once did, but that he felt some bizarre pride.
no keep it in the past, we all are allowed secrets. Why bring up the past when you are working for a future with someone?
Don't do that anymore, and don't tell guys about it. It's none of their business.
Please don't do that again. ECT is completely insane. Sigh*.
Why should you be made to feel bad about this.My mother had this back in the 70's and 80's.If it helps,so be it.And it has changed from what I've been told.Maybe you should wait a little before telling the new people in your life though,as you've found out there is still a lot of stigma attached to ECT.Could you please go onto my inbox and tell me how bad your depression was or is and how you were referred to a medical centre to have this treatment.As you pointed out,it's an option.I are where you were or are,but mine has evolved to DID's.The yo yo days are real annoying.
Just dont tell them, if they are like most men they are riding in to town on a pack of lies any way...