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At the moment I have my Cornish mate (who's always been my sarrogate sister and always gives it to me straight) My neighbours daughter who I've known since she was a baby, my best mate in Bristol who has never let me down if she can only stop by for an hour and my fiance's mate's ex. My fiance is already having his mate as an usher so I think it would be awkward if they were both stood up the front at my wedding, particularly as she turned on a heel on him and left him to afford the rent. My wedding is 2 years away and I don't really see this girl anymore, but how do I break it to her without damaging our friendship? She does still text me and we do still chat, I just think it's for the best she's not one of my bridesmaids.
CorruptedAngel CorruptedAngel 22-25, F 6 Answers Nov 19, 2010

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Hmmm difficult to do that without hurting feelings, but I think you should gently tell her that its not for the best.

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i asked my bridesmaids to foot the bill on the dresses! they were more than happy to do that! i bought em a pair of shoes each. smiles all round! lol xx

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Tell all concerned that you want them there. Remind them that it's your day and if they can't be civil for it, then don't bother coming. I'm a bit of a blunt Northern woman and that's what I've said in the past. The onus is on them, then.

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I'm sure the ladies will have better answers but here is a guy's take on things...<br />
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A wedding is a new beginning, a time for looking forward. The wedding party should be people that not only were important to you both but likely will continue to be important to you in the future. You have a casual long distant relationship now with this girl...she should understand how it would be awkward for her to be in the party with her ex as a groomsman (since your husband to be has a much closer relationship with his mate than you do with this girl (I think). <br />
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Tell her about this...if she can't understand then that's her problem. A bride shouldn't have to worry about something like this with all the other stresses.<br />
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Update: Understand your not being comfortable breaking bad news...I don't even know you...if this girl knows you even one little bit she will understand how hard it was for you to break this news.

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Thanks- it's great to have a guys view too! The boys definitely have known each other longer, since Junior school I believe! Me and this girl got on well namely ou of being the "WAGs" (both boys played football together). I think she will understand..I'm just not the kind of person who likes breaking bad news!<br /><br />It's bad enough one girl won't be a BM who is friends with my fiance and she's given me a hard time. But that's the very reason she won't be.. When she throws a party, I'm a spare part, when I throuw one she can't be bothered. She even came to my 20th and wallked out because it was "boring" I think that's reason enough not to want her as a bridesmaid but it's taken it's toll on my name in our circle.

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Why don't you dig into your pocket, so you don't have to hurt any of them. You can have as many as you want.

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2 years away... (OMG!? How do you plan for a wedding two years out?). Put this problem off for at least another 18 months. And tell your Mum "thanks", but it is none of her business is it, really?

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We were planning to get hitched since January last year! We've been best of friends 5 years and we just clicked right away. We've got it all planned out, we're just budgeting it all up. My Mum's opinion matters to me a lot and I'd completely forgotten about this little catch 22...until Mum pointed it ou that this groomsman and my BM aren't an item anymore!

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