I have a problem with my stepdaughter. Advice needed. Story is posted. Thank you in advance.
7 Answers to "I have a problem with my stepdaughter. Advice needed. Story is posted. Thank you in advance."
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Holy Cow.....that is craziness....I'm sorry for your situation....
I am not a professional...I can't give you sound advice on this.....I only know what I would do.....
I would absolutely take over everything....I would become the 'powerful' entity in that home....that child would be on total lock-down, no TV, no games, no friends, no phone, nothing.....perhaps I would even take her in for psych evaluation....once I am certain there were no underlying psych problems, it would be 'game on'....that child would be in for a whole different world....it would be tough, but it can be done....I'd have to be prepared for many, many fights...perhaps even physical, from the sounds of her....
If the father had a problem with that, then he should have done something to help from the beginning....you are the one dealing with it all, so you have the power to choose how it will be dealt with....if he wants to be of some assistance, then he needs to be on board with you....otherwise, he can step back and relinquish control...
Now, if I was not allowed to 'take control' then I would have no choice but to leave the home.....I would not continue to live that way and subject my own child to that behaviour.....
It's abhorrent....and it's ruining your life and marriage....
I wish you the best of luck in this.....stay strong....and just remember: a good parent does the hard stuff because it's in the best interest of the child....a bad parent is the one who can't be bothered because it's just too much work...Like (2)
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well whats going on
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Honestly, if he's that blind towards his daughter then that's a huge issue. You have to decide if your happiness is important to you or not because I guarantee your anxiety is just going to get worse living with a spoiled rotten kid like that. She honestly needs a good spanking and time out. If she wants to act like a two year old she should be treated like a two year old and two year old's are NOT rewarded for bad behavior. To be quite honest, I would give him an ultimatum. He needs to seek parenting help and learn how to be a real parent or you're leaving him to find your own happiness. Whether he goes to sessions of therapy with his daughter or finds some classes on how to be a good parent which include how to discipline. I had an ex who was just as blind when it came to his mother. I broke up with him rather than try to deal with both of their inability to deal with any sort of issues that popped up.
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i agree somewhat. she definitely is spoiled,but there are other underlying issues at hand. she has to get her out of the house and get the child treatment. the father needs help as well. denial is part of enabling.Like (1)
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Oh I definitely agree that there are larger issues that need to be addressed with probably a lot of therapy, but actual discipline is needed too.
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I read your story, and wow. I don't know where to begin. The first thing I thought while reading your story, was if there was a history of mental illness in her family. It sounds like her father has custody of her, which is kind of unusual. Don't the mothers normally get custody? But then I read what you wrote about her mother, and it sounds like there is something going on there.
I definitely think your step-daughter needs to be in therapy. I see some biological factors (her mother) and a lot of environmental factors that have contributed to how she has become. The environmental factor that I see as the biggest contributor, is her father's permissive parenting style. Google the different parenting styles, especially one called "permissive parenting style". It'll describe what it is, how those children end up growing up (huge sense of entitlement, can't handle the real world when they realize it doesn't revolve around them, criminal behavior, etc.). Then look up authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting, the ideal parenting style. It helps put everything into perspective.
I know parents want to think they're child is perfect, or they feel guilty with the thought of disciplining their child (permissives don't like to see their child unhappy or crying). The thing is, no one is perfect, and children need guidance. They'll make tons of mistakes while growing up, but that doesn't mean they're bad kids...it's normal, and they need the discipline to correct it. They can only learn so many lessons effectively that are similar to touching the burner on the stove after you tell them not to. Most of the other things they have to learn in life aren't that easy to learn, and the worst effects of not learning these lessons don't come until later.
It sounds like your step-daughter is becoming violent when she doesn't get what she wants, and that's not good for her either. It's better to get a handle of it now before she gets older and the authorities do it without her parents' choice. It will be best for her in the long run so that she doesn't have to go through all of those things.
I had the chance to see a child grow up with the permissive parenting style. . .my brother-in-law. He was sweet when he was really little, but when he started middle school he became a monster. His mother didn't believe in disciplining him, and defended and made excuses for everything he did. He got into fights in school, hung around the wrong crowd, physical fights with his father, and got in trouble with the law. Once, he broke into a house with an illegal knife and tried blaming it on others...his mother believed him, but everyone else knew the truth. He was in jail but got two years of probation. Another time he got five friends and beat someone up. The next day that person brought more people and they beat him so badly he was in the hospital. He recovered but has permanent brain damage where he always wears sunglasses because light gives himLike (1)
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the military rejected him, etc. He's older now, and while he has calmed down, the best I can describe him is unable to keep a relationship, narcissistic, and signs of being a sociopath. . .he doesn't really feel empathy for others. He has actually told me that he tries to make someone miserable every day. In the end, it's best to discipline a child. It may not be fun in the short-term, but it's much better for them and their life in the long-run. I blame my brother-in-law for what he did (oh, he doesn't take responsibility for his actions), but his parents also contributed to his creation.
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Her mother has custody but gave her to her father because she couldn't handle her behaviour.
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Ok my friend.....first of all I have a boatload of experience with all of those scenarios.....and more....lol....I have a lot of things that I would say and advise to give but for privacy sake there is too much and too many things to get into on a public board.....But I can tell you I have 5 daughters and now 10 grandkids..(no im not that old)....lol...look up any and or all of my stories and if you feel confident and comfortable add me and we can chat on meebo its much easier and more private.....I have thoughts about your step daughter for your husband and a mess of advise for you as well.
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???
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Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):
Posted by CuriousCat2012 Dec 19th, 2012 at 9:23AM
please see post on your story page. typing on this kindle is going to take some getting used to. but essentially, she is terrorizing you and the family. she has mental problems that you cant fix alone. she needs to be hospitalized and properly treated before she becomes a full fledged teenager. thats when it will get REALLY terrible.
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