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What are your opinions and views on this.Someone being in a relationship with a woman for over a year.Both people regrettably have said hurtful things to one another once before.During a big argument one person says something that takes things too far.The relationship ends up being over.The person who made the mistake realized how much that person means to them and is extremely sorry & wants to get back together.They are willing to do things differently this time around.The girl says she dosen't know if she wants to get back together & needs to think about things.She has shut down her feelings and has become distant but says she cares.it's only been about a week.Should this person leave her alone and give her time to think or move on?
brookeaswritten brookeaswritten 22-25, F 17 Answers Oct 26, 2012 in Struggles

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time and space my friend time and space

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I personally wouldn't move on after a week, I'd give her as much time as needed. Ofc I'm ridiculously scared of being alone, so I'm biased.

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How long do you think is a reasonable time to wait for her decision?

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I'm not sure... I'd personally wait for a decision almost indefinitely, but that's not smart, and I know it's not practical or reasonable to do that. Like I said, I'm extremely biased towards doing anything possible to avoid losing people.

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Haha yes i would have to kind of side with you there.Personally i have only been in long twrm relationships so being alone ugh!

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I completely understand that!

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I am not sure, I would look at why it was said in the first place. If you can't control what is said, it will happen again. If it was something secretive that was used against her, then there are other issues that need to be resolved. If you cannot say with certainty that it would not happen again, think of her, and the pain she is going through. Move on. Put her first.

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Let her go if it is meant to be she will be back

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I wouldn't go back, what's to say he wont do again? Humans are creatures of habit

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They are willing to do things differently this time around.The girl says she dosen't know if she wants to get back together & needs to think about things.She has shut down her feelings and has become distant but says she cares. (SAYS IT ALL)

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Depending on what was said and what it implied, that person may need to earn back her trust and respect. That could take a while. Don't move on so soon without at least trying.

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I would give the person some time to think things thru cuz even tho both people are sorry for things they said sumtimes sorry duznt wipe the slate clean. Sometimes words can cut so deep that all they can do is focus on that hurt. So I wud give the person time but check in on occassion to let that person know that the other still cares. If the person doesnt check in then its gonna make it seem like that person wuznt really sorry just didnt wanna let go so they said it just to soothe things over...Hope my advice helps.

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It does, thank you =)

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yvw anytime :)

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Its better to give time to think.. You know what, when I was dating my partner before I always want to know how he deal if hes mad or upset and what should I do if he is on that emotion.. Likewise I tell him to give me an hour so I can think and we can talk after it in a calm way so the respect is still there not exchanging hurtful words.. It's a good thing to build a good communication so that you know what to do just incase your having trials in a relationship..

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I agree with that whole heartedly. I am a very sweet person but with a nasty temper at times.I grew up in a household full of "bad tempers" .I'm still not perfect but I try to take time to relax before discussing things to avoid saying hurtful things.I was with someone before that did not respect that at all.It always made things worst.

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my partner had a bad temper before too.. but I'm proud of him that he worked it out for me.. Like he go for a walk if his mad or upset.. or he will just call me if he had a bad day at work so he can let it out on his system coz before he will just punched a wall out of anger.. Indeed were not perfect but its good if both sides knows how to guide and help to work it out.. and it takes patience and alot of understanding too.. :)

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Its always good to give people time to think but dont let her go. Also healing will happen over time if you truly love each other she will come back to you. Give her time and maybe help her and show her you still love her and you are the only one that wants her you dont want anyone else

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Do you feel its possible to show you care and are not interested in anyone else without not respecting the fact that she needs time/space?

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I think time is always good. If she's ignoring you it's a girls loudest cry if not then talk to her about it and what she is going through. Make her feel special.

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If she is not very welcoming to the things you say that shows you care and that she is special do you feel this person would need to lay off a little?

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Try talking to her about it. Tell her that your really sorry about everything. It will take time to get through to her. Also don't over do it because thats not good either. Maybe give her a few days by herself to figure things out then talk to her again.

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Christ on a cracker, I'm freaking dizzy. First of all each person has to make their own choice, they can't make it for the other person. If she wants to be left alone to think she should simply state that. If he wants to move on then he should state that. Simple really

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Agree!

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Give her time to think.

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take time for both.

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I'd give time... but that person could also just say something thats non intrusive, like checking in or something, but not pressure. That would appear weak and needy.

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That sounds like a good plan.I also think on other side that contacting them at all might not give them the space they may need.

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I agree with that. If it becomes a ridiculous long time... then yeah... maybe 2 weeks :)

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Sounds like you screwed up.

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