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As the younger sister of an undiagnosed 46 year-old woman with Aspergers, I need advice. My sister lives with and is still dependent on my ageing parents, one of whom has cancer. The channels of communication have been closed for so long I don't know now to open them. Partly this is due to the fact that I live far away and have a busy family and career of my own now, but it is also due to long entrenched communication difficulties with her and in my family. Now the parents are elderly, we need a plan but there is a family culture of denial, except for my oldest brother. I am awed by his patient dedication and persistence, but even he seems to have given up now. As the youngest sibling, I have often been completely dismissed by my AS sister. All my life I bore the brunt of her bullying and anger. The family is afraid of numerous explosions triggered by raising any issues for discussion, and now one parent is sick they just want peace. But she is lonely and has isolated my parents too.
FreshNew FreshNew 41-45, F 2 Answers Mar 7, 2014 in Parenting & Family

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Is your goal to maybe coax her into perhaps looking toward finding lodgings of her own, as it's inevitable that your parents won't be around forever? It's not doing her any favors by skirting the issue...and I know you are not doing this...the others are. I just needed more information, as in depth as your explanation was.

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Yes the goal is to get her to help herself... Coax her toward independence. She has lived independently only for two short stints, the last of which ended in her filing for bankruptcy. She doesn't have reliable employment and now fills her days doing odd jobs for people saying this is a Business she has built up and is building up. At least she is doing something but it is really only a time filler that provides pocket money rather than steady income. Cannot address that or she feels she is being accused of being a failure. That issue aside, coaxing toward independence as well as opening for discussion the possibility of finding a diagnosis or support for her would be major wins. Major.

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Thank you for asking that clarifying question, CountSpatula, and for thinking over my question, which literally is a dilemma of a lifetime.

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