I babysit her children due to lack of employment for a year now. She does pay me 60 per wk to also do laundry& Clean. Now the problem is she does absolutely nothing at all and the house is disgusting. On mondays I walk into the whole weekends dishes piled in the sink,laundry crawling out of the bathroom and stuff all over the place. I feel as if I am being used and abused. she also talks to me very rude and disrespectful and her father does not step in and reprimand her and never has. she is 30yrs old!!! I have heard from new older friends of hers that she tells them I abused her as a child which is very hurtful.I dont want to severe my relationship with her but I am getting hateful towards her. I would do anything for her but if she was nice. However I can no longer take it and without the help from my husband backing me up I don't know what to do. he says he sees what she is doing but does nothing and it is also putting a split between us, am I making a mountiain out of nothing?
grannie52 grannie52 56-60 14 Answers Aug 27, 2009

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What relationship do you have with her????? You are doing her no good letting her get away with that. At what point will she need to grow up??? You see like a wonderful women and I believe that you need to stick up for yourself. Don't watch the kids for her anymore don't do the house work. I know that it will be hard but you need to take a step back and distance yourself from her and tell her like it is. In the real world she would pay allot more then that for daycare and she can get off her butt and clean her house. Believe me dear this will not be easy but you NEED to do it. by doing nothing you are not helping anyone your grand children are learning her bad habits and will start to act the same way. Now do you want that ?

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Decide what you want out of the relationship (respect, a semi-clean house so you can do the rest of the cleaning, increased pay, seeing her put x hrs into a job search, etc, whatever). Once it is clear what you want, tell her what you want, and discuss with her what compromises you are willing to make (e.g., she doesn't have to clean up more if she is willing to increase your pay, or vice versa). Tell her that you love her, but you aren't able to be around her if she continues to disrespect you and say hurtful things and lie. Then STICK TO YOUR GUNS. If you say that you're going to stop coming over to babysit/clean if she continues to disrespect you, and she does, then walk. It sucks for everyone involved, but if you don't, you will only teach her that she can treat you badly and she will start treating you *worse*. When you walk, tell her that you are willing to help her again if she comes to you for help and is sincerely interested in changing her ways.

So sorry you are in this situation. It sucks that there are kids involved. Perhaps if you have to walk away from that, you can tell your daughter to put the $60 from your cleaning services into hiring a babysitter, or tell her she can ask your husband to babysit, since he doesn't seem to have a problem with her attitude. But don't YOU continue to support and encourage her behavior by helping her out in spite of her actions.

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To use one's love for them as a weapon against them is the worse possible cut of all because no one can have a defense against that.

You are being used in this abominable manner by a woman whose selfish irresponsible behavior has forced you into a subservient role. I can assure you that if you sever this relationship you will have lost nothing of importance since she apparently despises you anyway. Stand up against her, as painful as it will be initially, or continue to suffer her indignities for the rest of your life.

I feel strongly that she is a lost cause and as difficult as it is to give up on one's own children in this case it is a necessity. Incidentally, shedding that weakling of spouse may be a start for a better life for you as well.

Who knows maybe this will force her to come to her senses and correct her behavior but I wouldn't take any bets on this.

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My 25 yr old daughter and I have been the closest that two people can be until the last several months. Nothing has happened such as a falling out or a bad argument but lately she has been getting bossy' condescending, seems irritated if she has to wait for me,etc. She has never been this way toward me before. The constant corrections are really getting to Mr and if she would "allow" me to drive my own car I would walk out and leave her there! Why this change after all these years of the utmost respect and unquestioned obedience? I have been a good and loving mother vho gave her everything she wanted and more. She was extremely appreciative. Today was her birthday and as always I bought her some very nice things and took her to a very expensive lunch an hour from home. Once again, I wanted to drive but she argued and would have pouted the entire time had I not let her take her car.We discussed this treatment at lunch but it's' like talking to a wall. What to do... I just don't want to be treated like the child!

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I would kick her butt out. She's got it so good and unless you speak up and tell her the way its gonna be she's just gonna keep doing it because daddy doesn't speak up. Maybe he needs a litt butt wooping himself.

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She's not too old for a spanking. Whoop her butt (metaphorically speaking). You're her mother, stop being a doormat. Why put it on her father?

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Perhaps you should tell her that your contacts with her are so unpleasant that you don't want to experience them any more. Withdraw from the domestic service. Nothing about parenthood says you have to accept abuse. If there is something she (or anybody) wants something from you, they should ask with courtesy and respect.

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Are her accusations of childhood abuse unfounded?

Have you- despite the hurt they cause you- EVER discussed that with her?

There is NO excuse whatsoever for her to be disrespectful to you, but at least you could hear her out.

NOTHING gets us kids- even we ADULT children- like a parent that brushes off our concerns.

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disrespecting her mother at this age is immature and abusive. you should never have put up with it in the first place. your husband is a wimp. shame on both of them.

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Hi grannie52

no of course not. You have an uphill battle to fight though hey!

Maybe you could try and engage with her on a totally different level. Say to her now she is adult you would like to know her as an adult and develop a relationship with her anew. Maybe some regular time spent alone with her with the intention of not allowing the sort of behavior you face now could turn the other part of your life around. Say go for a meal once a month together and talk. Just a thought. Hard one!


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