I don't know. But soon I will.
Whether or not you and your parents get along, they would have to be crazy to let you keep hurting yourself without trying to help you stop. It may or may not seem like it, but I would put money on the idea that they want you to be happy and live a long time.<br />
Try to be open to the couselor's suggestions. From personal experience with them, I can tell you that a sucessful therapy can help you learn to redirect your thoughts, eventually your actions, away from the destructive and to something more healthy. <br />
Try to be patient. The process takes time, and you will have setbacks, but setbacks do not make you or the process a failure. However, if you make becoming a healthy, reasonably happy adult your goal, some therapy can help you get there. <br />
Good luck, young person.
I did not have the same problems you do, so I can't really say. But I really, really believe in the process of consciously changing the course of one's thoughts when the trigger thoughts and feelings hit. I have no idea what your counselor will call all these things, but whatever the terms, if you learn to decide NOT to go down the spiral to some form of harm, rather, redirect to a better action and better thoughts, you can become considerably more comfortable being in your own skin.
You might consider making a promise to yourself that you will get better and that you will do the work to get better, even when it hurts. Sometimes it will, you just won't want to do the thinking or take that walk or whatever. But if you promised yourself, you are more likely to stick with it. Also, if you have a sibling, a cousin, or maybe a really close friend -- dare I say mom or dad? -- that you can really trust, you could make the same promise to them. Of course, by doing so, you are asking them to help you if you should call on them to help. You can go it alone. I know. I pretty much did, but it would have been nice to have someone to lean on every so often.
Real talk.which kind of disorder?