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ninnynoo66 ninnynoo66 46-50, F 12 Answers Jan 1 in Dating & Relationships

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Just be kind and accepting

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By moving into the future.



Please don't make the mistake of commiserating with him. It's fine to be compassionate - but let him be on his own if he wants to.

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I just want to say thank you for all your positive comments I feel less stressed now x

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Tell him that while you empathize with his pain it is not your experience it is his. Offer to be their with him in his darkness and tell him you will follow his lead as he asks of you.

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Give him space to grieve and let him know you are there for him if he needs you....

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Just be there for him

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really from honest to ******* god experience there isn't anything you can do to help that person if that person is still grieving but show love and a lot off understandings one day after the hard times they'll remember and be thankful for a real friend such as yourself

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Offer to visit her grave-site with him.

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He has said he would like me to go with him one day I felt strange at first but then thought it was his way of getting her approval x

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Ninnynoo66 - I would give this some serious thought. You have to help him move into the future. By getting "her approval", you are keeping her in his thoughts. Nothing wrong with that, but don't help him cultivate it. He has to move into YOUR relationship and away from the old one.

Offer to go with him to the graveside ONCE. Be gentle and graceful about it. Choose your words carefully.

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I think with me it's just knowing the right thing to say to help I know that nobody can take his pain away bit I dot want to come across as pushy it's all about timing and the right words x

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I don't know that it's his way of getting her approval. But by doing that, you show that you're not threatened by his naturally fond memories of her and you give him permission to respect and honor her memory as he moves on to a hopefully romantic relationship with you. Also it is obviously still painful for him or you wouldn't have mentioned it and you would make it less of a lonely business if you accompany him on this journey to the cemetery. Consider that if you and he have a loving relationship and you took ill and died, you might like to be remembered after you're gone or perhaps not. But do be careful and observant of what is going on with this issue of his feelings for his dead wife. Widows and widowers sometimes are not able to move on. They feel guilty and/or they compare every new partner to the sanctified memory of their dearly departed with only the positive remembered and all of the negatives erased. It's impossible to compete with that. I know this because when my parents lived in a Florida retirement community, my mother tells of the many widowed remarried women who complain about all of the flaws in their new husbands and compare them to their perfect dead husbands as soon as the new husband leaves the room to relieve himself. Good luck!

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I think it's good that you care at all.. and, if you've only been dating a month, it would be important to just ask before you do anything at all.



I would say.. I remember this date coming up and I just want you to know I'm here to listen. And do just that.. listen. And don't take it personally if he wants space on that day or whatever. Good luck.

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He has said that he won't be seeing me on that day he spends it with is children 2 grown up boys 24, 19 so I am prepared it hard tho x

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What? o.O Wait..who died???

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His wife died x the thing is I am needy and want lost of attention and affection I haven't heard from him now for 24 hours and I am starting to feel insecure which I'm trying not to show. I haven't text or rang him as I'm trying not to come across as needy x

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It doesn't sound like you need to be in a relationship first of all. You sound like you have issues. o.O His wife died and all you can think about is yourself? Come on now. :/

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I want to be there for him x

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Then you should call him or something and ask how he's doing.

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Ninnynoo66 - please - his needs are greater than yours at the moment. Don't communicate your neediness to him. He'll run away. It's more appropriate for him to spend that time with his sons when his wife's "death anniversary" occurs.

Go out with your female frieds. Get them to love you.

Seek love and attention and it will fly out of the window!

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Yea I know his needs are greater xx

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If you know that, then please let it be for a while. Read a magazine, eat some chocolates, spoil yourself. Love yourself.

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