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I am in love with someone who doesn't know it. But I am married.
roselevalley roselevalley 41-45 7 Answers Mar 21, 2012

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why did you Marry? you are living a lie.

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*raising hand* I went through the same... I fell for my best friend of 30 years after being with my husband for 20+ years... but since my soulmate is 600 miles away, we decided that we would not wait for each other but deep inside we always will. However, I am still going through with the divorce. If I truly loved him, I would not fall for the second guy so this told me a lot.

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If you don't love your hubby and are unhappy. Try getting something going with this other guy.if you don't try you will always be left wondering. Just tell hubby you want separate for a while then you can see this other guy and see if he's the better one for you.

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I would like so much to do that, but so so scared because we are good friends, he's like a big brother to me, I just don't want to lose that.

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I see... I'm fifteen, but I'll give this my best shot,<br />
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Are you in love with your spouse? If not you need to quit feeling bad about it and tell him/her. You need to talk to this other person you are in love with, but it's much better to act without the attached marriage than it is to tell your love while you're still married, even if you have no intentions of hurting your spouse, one thing does lead to another and you will end up hurting everyone, yourself included. <br />
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Remember that this is your life, the only one you get to live. It has been twenty years but do you really want to wait another minute? Time is going by for heaven's sake. <br />
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But, if you are in love with both your love and your spouse, well... That's where things are confusing. Talk to your spouse, he/she needs to know what's going on, it isn't easy, but you have to tell. You are lying by omission if you don't tell, and even if you are not in love, this is still a marriage and you took vows, be honest. Be an open book. <br />
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I don't know if this helps at all but I've been dating this guy for a year and a half, and I liked this other guy at one point, I was scared to tell my boyfriend but I did and things were worked out. I realized that even though I liked this other guy, he was a total *** and could never be anything like what my boyfriend is for me. Understanding and forever patient with someone as batty as me. <br />
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Good luck :)

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thanks for the advise, but i can see i have made a big mistake by posting this thought for the world to see. I can see where people are going to jude me because I am married, however they don't anything about my marriage and how we have just grown apart. BigBig Mistake.

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Well, you are just reaching out for advice. There's nothing to judge about. You have done nothing wrong at all. You have not cheated on your spouse, you developed a feeling for someone else. You love someone else, you don't CHOOSE who you love, you just LOVE. Obviously you feel bad and confused about this if you are asking for advice and not just telling your spouse to get lost. You have done nothing wrong. It's ok :)

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After the first 3yrs of being married, my husband told me that we should have anulled the marriage after the first year. 4yrs later I talked him into going to see a marriage counclor, They tell me after about 4 months that the marriage will probably never work unless he is willing to work on it. Well a year later we seperate for about a year and half and file for a divorce. Well you can write sucker across my forhead because here I am 10+ years later with a 10 year old and 8 year old and unemployed. I really know what I feel for this other person is true, I never acted on it because I would rather have him in my life as a close friend (big brother type) then to find out he doesn't have the same feelings and be crushed forever. Does this make sense?

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Yes. It does. I won't get into details about WHY it does, but it does. Your marriage is complicated. You are not a sucker though, you wanted it to work, didn't you? You got married, obviously for a reason. About this person you love, haha, I understand the big brother thing. You feel safe with this person and loved. Taken care of and listened to when no one else listens. You feel appreciated, yes? That's great, and I'm so happy you have that kind of person in your life. If he feels like a big brother to you, than he already cares deeply for you and probably does love you, and I think that it would be easy for the two of you to have "those kind" of feelings for each other. I call that a dangerous situation, because on the one hand, you love the person, but you don't want to mess up what you already have. I know it's hard, but you should just be honest with him. If he doesn't feel that way for you, well at least you tried, right? It will be awkward for about 2 weeks and then things will go right back to normal, that's the great thing about these kinds of relationships. You sound to me like you deserve this happiness in your life. Do your children know what has happened between you and your husband? I know you might want to protect them but as they get older, they will find out things on their own and either feel betrayed by you or they will completely fall apart because they never noticed. The whole situation is a mess. But I say you should go towards what makes you happy. You deserve it. You've been a good wife and you've tried hard. It's not your fault if it doesn't work out. It might not even be your husband's fault. As you said, you've grown apart. It happens to the best of us.

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You should not be with your spouse if you are in love with someone else, that's just not fair at all

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truely I know its not fair, however there is way more to this.

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if you edit your details you can add the rest of your question

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I noticed that, I guess maybe I just wanted to see if there was someone who might be going through what I'm going through.

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Remember tho the hurt you will put on your current partner..Could you live with that? But hey it dont sound like your getting all your needs met now or you wouldn't be in love with another ..You only live once right

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Your right you only live once. This is just way to hard and so complicated, I seriously just dont know what to do

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