I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We've dated for a year before we became a couple. We share some of the same interest. He doesn't want to get married. I've been married before which made me not want to do it again. I have a child and I'm not wanting anymore. He doesn't want one of his own. Therefore, I don't have to be worried with the pressure of family and marriage.
Three months ago, my boyfriend told me he loves me. The first time he told me was over the phone. He said to me good night, sweet dreams and have a good week. Then he said, "Love you" It was very muffled. I answered huh? Then he said it again and of course i was happy. So now I'm thinking he's "In love" with me. Thinking finally, after a year of dating! Nothing worst not knowing where your relationship is going. A year ago, we were dining in restaurant. we were talking about being in a heartbroken relationship. I told him it took me two years after my divorce, I wasn't able to be intimate or date anyone. He goes on to tell me since his high school sweet heart, he was not able to feel love like that for anyone else. He's had many other girlfriends since then, but always felt the same way for every girl. Just plain ole care for a woman. Not in love.
He is 30 now. And says, "love doesn't exist". It's a fairytale. He told me he doesn't think he's able to fall in love with anyone. He says, "I feel jaded and cynical to love". Thinking this so i asked him. Do you still think your in love with your ex? Do you feel she is the one your suppose to be with? He says no, it was years ago. He goes on saying, i was in love with the person back then. The person she is now, i don't feel that same way about her. I told him in a hoping way, maybe one day you will love again... He's says, I don't know. Time will only tell.
So now he's over my house and now i decided to have a bit of a chat about us. I'm woman and it's nice to know how your Bf feels about you. My boyfriend is not the type to show how he feels. Lately he's been asking me if i missed him. This week he told me he thinks about me all the time. It put smile on my face. I can't help to talk about us and my feelings which he doesn't like. Why? I like to talk about it because I feel like it helps to learn about each other. Also because i don't know how he feels about me because he doesn't really express it. Or know how to. He's quiet and not outgoing personality. He more intresting in hearing me talk. Which i do like to chat but it's always nice for someone to want to learn and ask the questions about you.
He thinks being together is enough. And i should already know how he feels about me. ??? I told him if he can't understand then maybe he doesn't know what it means to be in love. I told him i feel like I'm falling for him. He tells me well it seems like you have, and what, are we like 14? So there it was for me in black and white. My boyfriend was not in love with me.
I told him it seems like your not in love and i don't think we should be saying, I love you to each other if he's not in love with me. He says he does love me, but he doesn't feel like he has to be in love with someone to be happy with them. If he has no beliefs in love, What's the point in being in a serious relationship? He doesn't like when we have conversation where it comes down to feelings. But if i need to talk about them, he says i should so maybe something could be worked out. Now he told me but he doesn't want the conversation brought up about him being numb to love again. I don't know what to talk about with him when it comes to us. I was simply have a happy moment asking him, what is it about me you love? And to him it was like pulling teeth. He made it seems like i was some child asking a stupid questions. I honestly felt like i was wasting my breath. At that moment I felt like our somewhat nice evening chat went down the drain. He says he's not like the lovey dovey type. I asked him are you happy with me? He says yes and he doesn't have any complaints about me. He feels like our relationship is healthy.
Really? I'm thinking maybe for you. As long as i don't ask to many questions about his feels towards me. As long as we don't chat about him being cold when it comes to love. At this moment I really don't know how to be toward him as playing the part of being a girlfriend. He wants a relationship and so do I. But the kind feel he wants is the Best friend and sex with out the drama. I want that too. But i don't want to feel like we're more like friends with out the lovey dovey romantic feelings.
He is affectionate with me. he loves holding hands and loves to cuddle. I'm starting to feel anger because I'm thinking this maybe a waste of time. I can sense he loves me and needs me. At the end of our talk he says he doesn't know what love is. Now that he's older, he sees it in a different way. When he ready to go home, he said good bye and I love you. I found it hard to mean it when I said it back. It felt like a knife going through and trying to control my emotions so i wouldn't cry. Never felt so hurt. I want so much more from him and angry that he so jaded I will never get a chance of knowing that other side of him that could last me a lifetime. Right now I feel cold towards our relationship. I don't want to lose him because I do really care. I'm worried what if i give up on him to only find out he was capable of loving after all. Or just maybe he somewhere down the road falls in love with someone else. When that could of been me...