I have problems with my family but my mother wants to bury the hatchet and come from xmas dinner should i say yes?
my mother and brothers havent spoken to me for most of this year after I told them I was abused by a friend of the family, they chose not to believe me. I cant help thinking my mothers request to join us is her way of saying shes sorry and she believes me, even though she wont physically say that to me. I may be reading too much into it, she may just want to spend time with my baby daughter.
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9 Answers to "I have problems with my family but my mother wants to bury the hatchet and come from xmas dinner should i say yes?"
Posted by IMAGINATIONATWORK Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:09PM
I would let her come
But watch out the hatchet doesn't get buried in your back
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Posted by Poetforit Dec 23rd, 2012 at 4:34PM
Talk to her before and lay some ground rules for the sake of your daughter and the holidays. Then say ok.
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Posted by SapphireDoe Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:29PM
I'm not sure what to say, because I have problems with one side of my family for different reasons. . .so I understand wanting to be reunited, getting over the past, and being accepted, etc. That hasn't happened for me. Each time we have 'reconciled', it always fell apart again within months. However, it's different for everyone.
The best advice I can give, is if this is your first problem with your family and there isn't a long history of reconciliation only to end up in arguing, reconciliation, etc. over and over again, try it. Let her come to Christmas dinner, and if it doesn't work out nicely, then you've learned and know not to do it again for the next holiday and next Christmas. At least you can then say that you tried.
Set some ground rules though. If she comes an brings the topic up, stop her and say that you don't want to discuss the problem that day, and it could wait until after the holidays. Some people, like the one side of my family, use events and holidays to regain contact, but like I said, months later we're back at square one. Bringing up sensitive issues is NOT appropriate during holidays, events (funerals, etc.). If the person genuinely wants to reconcile, they usually don't wait for a holiday or for something to happen. For example, my mother used my grandfather's funeral. . .not appropriate, and it's manipulative. At the same time, normal mothers just want to see their family together for the holidays. . .mothers don't like to see their family torn apart. My mother isn't normal, but if this is the only time you've had a situation like this with your family, then it doesn't hurt to try. Sorry for the long reply!
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Reply by TheBoyWonder Dec 18th, 2012 at 4:17AM
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Reply by SapphireDoe Dec 18th, 2012 at 8:00AM
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Posted by GawdsGirl Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:27PM
I think there is always room for forgiveness.
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Posted by Classicality7 Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:24PM
IF you can keep your expectations realistic I say to invite her. Do not expect that she suddenly believes you or will offer you an apology or you are probably setting yourself up for disappointment, but if you can invite her and accept the visit for less than that, I say invite her.
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Posted by loveland Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:13PM
A tentative yes. But take things slowly and she if there i real effort and remorse from her. Whatever happens, I wish you a good christmas. You have your own child now and won't make the same mistakes.
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Reply by TheBoyWonder Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:14PM
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Reply by loveland Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:17PM
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Posted by TheSquirrel Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:13PM
If she does not say it, she does not believe it. It's up to you how you want to play it, but you know it's likely to come up.
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Posted by Steven46 Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:12PM
I would view it as completely practical. If they were going to come and **** you off on Christmas, let them eat taco bell. If on the other hand they were bringing something, or offering to help sure they can come. Personally, I'd prefer my family wouldn't come.
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Posted by dskdw25q9n Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:10PM
Your mother wants to come for Christmas, so she won't spend Christmas alone. Don't kid yourself into thinking there is any other reason.
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Reply by TheBoyWonder Dec 17th, 2012 at 6:14PM
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