Buy her a case (144 boxes) of baking soda. When she unwraps it shout "Surprise!!!" and grin like crazy. She'll pretend to understand, but will spend the next 12 months wondering what the heck it means.

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genius.

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funny but fortuntely she is 1000 miles away that is for a reason

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Condoms--a subtle message on her passing along her genes any further.

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Oh I have a great idea...but only if she has children. I loathe my sister so every year I buy her children the most obnoxious, noisy gifts I can think of....drum kits, tiny electric guitar, an ant farm (that was classic, such a mess), a science kit, Star Wars light sabers that have sound effects, etc. The kids love it and they make my sister go bananas but she just smiles weakly as her sons screech with glee over the gifts. If you feel you must give her something separate I suggest either an inexpensive camera (so she can capture the kids doing their worst w/ said toys), an etiquette book, a book about improving one's "brain power" (hint hint, you're stupid) or even a gift certificate that underhandedly insults her...a gym trial if she's fat, etc.<br />
I have a lot of experience with this subject...my sisters are both monstrous.

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That worked when her kids were younger they are 26 &amp; 28 now

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I hate the commercialistion of Christmas

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Me too and I use to really enjoy the festivities! It feels like a chore

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