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He has had a year to help me to heal, he has done this TWICE with the same woman...although he swears it has been over for over a year, I don't believe him. He has done NOTHING to help me heal and up until yesterday had all but completely detached from me...Now that I am ready to move on and AWAY FROM HIM, he is like a totally different person, constantly saying how much he loves me and "Please Don't Do This"- My thoughts are he is not concerned so much for our marriage, which he destroyed, but his concern is financial, as I own half of everything he has...INCLUDING our thriving business. Help! How can I know if he is genuinely wanting to repair our marriage and "do whatever it takes" to make it work...or if this is simply about money?
jacChild jacChild 36-40, F 18 Answers Apr 19, 2013 in Affairs

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Men have a deep down pressure to succeed in relationship more importantly marriage. Sadly this pressure doesn't happen until the divorce stops and the realization of his mistake becomes in full bloom.

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Even though it may not be just about the money obviously he never thought he would actually lose you so he basically took your love for granted. He skated and took a risk by engaging emotionally with this woman on a level that he should have been bending over backwards to engage you in. I know from experience that when someone does that to you it makes you feel so disrespected and unimportant to the one person you should never feel that way with.To me emotional affairs are the worst In my opinion emotional affairs do more damage and that damage is harder to repair emotional affairs happen quicker. I think you are making the right decision for yourself obviously he is not able to get this woman out of his mind and heart he may love you and really does want to work it out but it seems too little much to late he should have had his priorities in line and proved to you how important you really were to him but instead he was to busy figuring out how to have his ***** and eat it to. Good for you be strong and move on!!!

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Thank You!!!! YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! TOO LITTLE TOO LATE! I lost my daughter Kiara to cancer when she was 4 I can and will do this!

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You go girl!!

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YOU are a gift. YOU are a shining star. Do not let yourself be brought down to that level. He does not know your value and worth. Move on, move up. Use this tradegy as a lesson and become more than you thought you ever could be. Hugs...

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THANK YOU, I need this support and opportunity to vent how it feels to be the wife...I keep seeing all these experiences from "the other woman" and not seeing much from the actual wives whose lives they have ruined, what gives them the balls to cross into anothers marriage of all things!!!

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Men are strange. I can say that as I have plenty of experience. <br />
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I will say that you should move on. It won't get any better from here on out. <br />
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If you need to talk to anyone or rant or whatever, you can send me a message.

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i know the feeling honey...

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Some people either don't want to be alone, or hate change. Or even both.

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The pain of staying has FINALLY become greater than the pain of leaving.

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If there's any chance of saving your marriage, take it. It is up to him to prove that he is worthy of your trust. Best wishes.<br />
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Let Me Try Again <br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5grLjSYKfs

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I have been trying to keep this marriage together by myself for years, I have NEVER been unfaithful...I'm tired of being treated with disrespect- he honestly thought I'd put up with his lies and infidelity indefinitely...HE WAS WRONG....it went on for 6 years...half of my marriage...I've had enough, he could have went with me to counseling, he chose not to...until now? Now that I'm done? It doesn't make sense to me.

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I think I could forgive a drunken one nighter more easily than all this "emotional attachment" this is a tough thing to overcome...

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Sucks being left alone, especially by someone in the same house. You go, girl!

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By "emotionally unfaithful" do you mean there was no actual affair? Fight for your man and win his heart back. I believe that you have what it takes to make him want you again. I'm rooting for you.

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I Honestly don't know if I can get over the resentment of HUNDREDS of calls and texts, him not being there for me, but ALWAYS there for her, hours of my husband's time, his thoughts, desires etc. were freely given to her, and withheld from me, he emotionally abandoned me for her. This went on for YEARS as a secret from me when EVERYONE ELSE knew...I am humiliated and feel SO BETRAYED!

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Wow, that must have felt horrible. You deserve better. That would be really hard to get over. Still, he fell in love with you once. I believe that you can make him fall in love with you again. It means setting aside your own emotional needs and treating him like you did when you were first married. Does he deserve it? No, he doesn't. But you deserve not to lose him to whoever this ***** is that has enchanted him. I don't believe that you are someone who is easily beaten, so why give up now. It's not you who should feel humiliated, it's her.

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Have you asked him why he didn't share these things with you?

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He has no answers for me...It's like he just wants me to let it go and I want EVERY DETAIL.

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Supposedly it NEVER got physical, but I think with that many phone calls and texts, I'd be a even BIGGER Fool to believeve it never got physical, he lied about everything, he's probably lying about that to.

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Yeah, probably.

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Well money prob has a big impact... that choice is yours, you can decide you don't want any of it.<br />
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I'd say hes prob still unfaithful in the end

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He wants someone to fix him sandwiches and etc. Divorce his arse.

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Dear jacChild, how are you doing now? Have you gotten a divorce and moved on? I am in EXACTLY the same situation. Just discovered he cheated for the 2nd time, same woman, says it is emotional only (which I do not believe). They have had this relationship for two years now. He begged and promised to do everything to fix things when this happened 1st time. Swore on our kids' health! We have known each other for 20 yrs! Married for 15. Have two beautiful children. I am devastated and in so much pain. Please share. I hope things worked out for you.

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