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please do not judge , just help. i love her like crazy , i want her all for myself. i cant stand the thought of her talking to another guy or me losing her so i lose my temper. I dont want to hit her , the thought that i beat her up makes me nauseous , but i cant stop it. i cant stop hitting her and she keeps on coming back. how can i stop? im 19 and i tried counselling its not helping me,
1Brad1 1Brad1 18-21 37 Answers Feb 19, 2012

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dik...there is no excuse, but your a A-hole

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ditto on this. Put on the big boy pants and realise its YOU that should not be in a relationship when something like this happens

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WOW!!! Forgive me, but after reading through over half of he responses that you have already gotten, I literally could NOT force myself to read the rest of them. I have to say... I am shocked and disappointed at the level of judgement being cast by my fellow EP members...<br />
I would first like to point out the positive (since it seems everyone else has completely overlooked) THE single MOST difficult aspect of your problem has already been accomplished... YOU ADMIT THAT WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS HORRIBLE, UNCONSCIONABLE, AND IRREPREHENCABLE, but most importantly, You want to gain control and/or mastery of your own emotions. I know that you said something about counseling that is not helping you at all... The right therapist should be able to help you get your anger down to a more manageable level. Like I said before... you have already made it past the two most difficult things to overcome,,, ADMITTING the problem is caused by you and can only be fixed by you... The restis up to you to think about losing

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Yeah, fancy sitting in judgement on a man who punches his girlfriend around! Poor, poor guy. Everyone ought to feel really sorry for him - shame on us all

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I was violent to my girlfriend. I have had issues with stress and anxiety my whole life, and whenever i felt consumed, i could only blame those around me, so often my girlfriend. I have always viewed violence as wrong, but in my unhealthy state it was as if there was another set of rules. I could only ever see her responsible for my hurt, in the absence of being able to recognise the true source of stress and the underlying hurt that caused my stress.

She left me after a big fight. She was right to do so. Only then was i able to see my behaviour as wrong. I was in agony, realising i was wrong, but not understanding how i thought my behaviour was just. I have since been able to deconstruct my unhealthy mental state and my illness that caused these things.

I am devastated daily by not being able to contact her. I have been affected by mental illness my whole life, and it is what came between us in so many ways, and i am a great guy and love her so much.

She never said i needed to change, and never could see i needed to.

I am writing this as violence is totally unacceptable, but judgement on matters such as this can be toxic. People who just hit others, say they won't do it again and re-offend are a danger to society. I hope that people can see that some issues are complicated.

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Hi Brad, I will tell you a little story that I went through!! Years ago I was with a man that I loved so much. Lets just say shortly after I moved in I got smacked around. Then it was baby I am sorry, flowers and a nice evening. Then there was a second time, I was talking to one of my brothers friends. I got home and I was called every name in the book and this time he slapped me and punched me and threw me on the floor. The next day came the sorry and flowers and etc. This went on and on til one day I had enough!! It was about 6 years into our relationship and he made me feel that I had no place to go, no friends and I would be nothing without him!! Boy I was so wrong!!! One night when he came home from work and we argued and then came the punches. Blood from my nose splattered on my livingroom wall and I broke our window trying to get help but no-one heard me. I ran to the kichen and I grabbed the biggest knife I could find And faced him. i was gonna kill him! Something that day grabed my arm and said no child! I was gonna kill him.<br />
After 2 more years of it I finally got free. Don't make the same mistake that he made! If you love her don't hit her just walk away!

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some women like to be abused for example I love to fight! It drives me up the wall and even during sex I like to be punched slapped even chocked until I pass out. So it is not up to anyone to judge but I will say that if you wanted to stop and she doesn't like it then YOU CAN. You are the one choosing to hit her.

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Only a coward would hit a girl... Sounds like you are only focused on controling her.... Sorry brother...

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Dude. It's never acceptable to hit anyone. I'm from Canada and have been living in Asia for the last five years now for work. Looking at North America through a different set of glasses and I have to say things are pretty ****** up there when it comes to violence and crime. If your girlfriend hit you first, you should leave the relationship. If you hit her first, you need to seriously think about what brought you to do what you did. Either way, chances are that if you don't get out now, things will 'snowball' and one day you will find yourself in court and possibly even in jail. Start now by attempting to break any cycle of violence that might be starting.

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Atleast you know you're doing wrong and want to do something about it. If you don't think the counselling is helping then tell them at your next appointment and maybe they'll suggest something else that might help but don't give up because you need to get this sorted. Go to anger manegment classes, try anything. You need to learn to trust her as well, stop being so insecure. If she keeps coming back to you after you keep hitting her then she obviously loves you and is not interested in anyone else even if you are dangerous to her and she could do a lot better. I think you're better off without each other and should not be in a relationship until you sort yourself out. You can't act this way because you're feeling insecure, jealour or vulnerable. Good luck :)

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You have problems then. Worrying that much isn't rational and if you really didn't want to lose her you wouldn't hit her or abuse her in any way. Figure out if the relationship is healthy enough for either of you and if you can change anything to make it better.<br />
If nothing helps you, don't stay with her, and figure things out for yourself.

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Thanks to dr.marnish@yahoo.com i am also glad to give out his number +15036626930 for those in need of help to consult him personaly, i thank him from the bottom of my heart.<br />
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There is never an excuse to hit. You need to keep going to counseling and get help for your anger. This is unacceptable behavior.

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You're mistaking me for some scumbag. I'd hit myself long before I'd hit my girlfriend. Once a girl I was dating slapped me, because I told her I had a date with another girl. I advised her that one had been a freebie, but I only had the one cheek to turn(butt cheeks don't count). The next time she hit me, she could expect to be hit back.<br />
My advice to anyone considering hitting anyone they love girlfriend, or boyfriend..... just leave. I don't care if it's your house, not hers, just leave. Go for a half hour walk, and consider how smart you were to leave. It probably will **** her off more than hitting her anyway.<br />
If you live in the US, and somebody gets hit, don't involve the cops unless there is great bodily harm. They are more trouble than they are worth. Some twisted women control men my manipulating them into hitting, and then have the men arrested. Avoid these women like the plague.

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If your love is true to her, next time you hurt her, look in r eyes, see that hurt there, u did it, someday she is not going to come back, and another man will be holding her to make the pain u caused her , stop. If you think about that , maybe u stop, it made my man stop hitting and choking me.

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Take this from Someone who has been hit. Many many times. What ur building is her hatred her resentment and her dispising u. You knocking the love for you out of her. There is something deep in u that has u confused and hurting and insecure. Find out what it is make peace with it. Ahe may live u now but that will turn to fear then hate. Dont loose the one u love. When u get heated remibg urself of how ud feel if she was ur mother or daughter or sister. Leave calm down think aboit both sides of what the fight is about. Rationalize whats going on. U cant do that if ur angry. So walk away and calm urself then rationalize both sides.

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maybe she likes it and so do you<br />
you do need help however and she needs some to BIG TIME.<br />
in the meantime giver her a punch in the face for me. Im sick of her whining when she says she can't get it all in her mouth without pukeing!

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you are obviously really controlling. if you don't want to lose her to another guy, the answer is simple - stop being so controlling, & DON'T ABUSE HER. because, believe me, she WILL find another guy who treats her right. <br />
& if you really do love her, & can't seem to stop (because you're weak) - let her go. let her find the guy she deserves.

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Be honest your abuse of her started way before you hit her, you've been mentally assaulting her and making her feel she is responsible for your stupidity for some time now. Get away from her. Get help and before you get into another relationship take ownership of your actions

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In my opinion a man who hits a woman, ANY woman for ANY reason is not a man, he is someone to be despised and ostracized. That is how I treat men who hit women - just cut them out of my life.

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There is a surefire cure for you - you need to be beaten to a pulp. You don't love your girlfriend, you don't like your girlfriend, you have no respect for your girlfriend - in fact you cannot stand her. The real reason why you hit her is because you truly despise and hate her. That she keeps coming back shows that she has very low self-esteem

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You are committing a criminal offence and could and should be charged. The relationship you are in is TOXIC and you need to remove yourself immediately! You must seek help for YOUR problem/ disease.<br />
If counselling is not helping then see a different therapist and LEAVE the relationship before you seriously harm or kill your girlfriend.

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You have the answer already. The only thing that I see missing is why you did it?

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Sorry I guess I was not think right after the first couple of sentences.

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