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I have a friend with benefits for 8 months. Last night I told him that I was hurt by some of his actions because he told me last week that sometimes when we go out to eat or movies it feels like we are in a relationship. I have invited him to a few parties which he agreed to come and then didnt show. He planned a weekend trip for us then at the last minute backed out after I had arranged my schedule. I didnt know until after he backed out of several planned activities he had second thoughts. I told him i was very hurt by his actions and felt like he lied and mislead me and I thought we could do other things as friends. He did mentioned a couple weeks ago that he has grown to love me but he needs to protect himself. Anyway today he says my statement is 2 much and makes him feels like were in a relationship. I aplogized once in a text and once in a voicemail to him. But now I may have completed scared him away. I really do like him.
hotblue1999 hotblue1999 41-45, F 15 Answers Sep 23, 2011

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*sigh* I'm sorry to say this, but you are completely wrong with your definition on friends with benefits.. you have the idea of him being your boyfriend, you need to set in your mind the following concept: **** buddy.

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yea figured as much i dont think i no how to do the FWB for one thing i didnt think it would last like 9 months it just never ended so i went with it -mistake huh?

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Friends with benefits is suppose to be just someone to have sex with when you don't have anyone else. Once emotions come into play then it's no longer just about the guilt free sex. If you like or love him by all means be up front and tell him but at the end of the day he only signed up for the sex. So you can't blame him if he doesn't want to be tied down. If he doesn't reciprocate your feelings then there really is nothing you can do about that. Move on. Maybe you're one of those people that can't have a **** buddy because your emotions will always get in the way. This isn't a bad thing but it's definitely something you should keep in mind when pursuing other relationships.

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thanks for your answer-ur right cant make someone be in a relationship this really helps me put things in perspective

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it never works in the movies.. they always fall in love. awww...

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the whole friends with benefits can actually work (i speak from personal experience), but it depends on the people involved. Also, the longer it lasts, the more feelings come into play to change things.

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i think its been too long

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It is a shame what happened and that guy who hadn't been upfront with you from the word go messed you up a little. You didn't know that your feelings would grow and he should have been upfront with you when you two make a plan to hang out together. If and when he comes back, maybe you should make plans with friends and not with him anymore.

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HI Friend Can i please be frank with friends like that who needs enemies You told him something that you thought you could but it did not work out that way so if i were you there are plenty more fish in the sea. I would love to be your friend you could tell me anything and what ever it may be it is only between u and i . Message me and cheer up you can do a lot better after all u are a good person you have a good heart and a kind soul..Your friend Antonia

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thank you lol

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FWB...who gets the benefits? He gets to have his cake and eat it while you pine for a relationship. Sorry, but it sounds like he was liking the whole "no strings" sex thing....Friends with benefits is using a relationship with someone who cares for you to get sex...it's fine if its casual sex for both concerned, but the problem arises when one person falls for the other...best to stop his benefits...I know you'll miss him, but the deeper you fall the harder it will hurt...you have to be honest and tell him your feelings have chnged-you do risk losing him...but, ultimately you need to know. And, if he is happy to get sex from you but rejects the thought of having a relationship with you is he really worth your friendship???

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friends with benefits isn't a relationship!

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...I know you'll miss him,--i think that was wat i didnt want to miss him ur right about the worth my friendship thing i actually did thing we could do things as friends i mean a movie is just a movie in my mind but i think maybe he has some problems handling things also he could also be hindering me from meeting someone else cause im up in his face lol. thanks.

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Take away his benefits. Geez. If he is hesitating to be with you because it feels like a relationship.......... Nevermind, I am just too old for this. <br />
Friends with benefits is, to me, very much like being taken for granted.**I'll stick with you for the se x until I find someone I'd like to have a real relationship with.** <br />
Makes me shudder even thinking about it.

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maybe its a good thing, friends with benifits is just immoral

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