You can read my story & maybe you will understand why I am asking.
tryn2getout tryn2getout 41-45, F 9 Answers Oct 14, 2010

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Yes and I'm a bit further down the line than you, I have told him countless times its over, he has the message now, we have been living seperate lives for 2 years he does his thing, i do mine. He was and still is at times a verbally abusive lying cheating monster, but one day i just stood up to him and had the balls to say enough is enough! I have been married for 20 long years with him 25. I am now in the process of getting out with my 2 daughters, i was terrified at the prospect, but now i have less fear as i got sick of being scared balls to him, he can shag around as much as he likes now i really don't give a damn!

You don't say what country your from, i have a couple of things that i have done to ensure my daughters and me will be ok. Im a housewife, but when im out of here and have my girls stable and settled i want to have a job.You have to think of yourself and kids here....get the hell away from him YOU CAN DO IT! I am and im not looking back and also i was the biggest chicken, you will gain gumption, guts, courage or whatever you need but you will be fine, i know i will be.SO WILL YOU !!! Trust in yourself ! Bollocks to him throw a bloody big tantrum at him and see how he likes it....Ive done it and they can't handle it! Also one day you will meet someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated with lots of love and respect.......Believe me its possible ......I KNOW ; )

Best Answer

You make the decision when you want to leave. However, have everything in place first, without his knowing. He is not entitled to know. See a lawyer. Get a peace bond on him. Arrange with a women's shelter and if you have children take them with you.The shelters have counselling services to help you take charge of your life and those of your children and make something of yourself. You owe it to yourself and your children to get out of there now.

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Why must the spouse know about it? If he is abusive, he will only pull out all the stops to get you to stay or he will abuse you more. He is not entitled to know. You must make a plan to leave that he doesn't know about and then carry it out when he would least suspect it (Christmas Eve?) If you feel you must inform him that you are leaving, just leave a note or, better still, mail a snail mail note to him which he will receive when you are long gone.

The problem with leaving an abusive spouse is that you need to be motivated. And abused people are only motivated enough to want to leave right after an abusive episode. So, if they leave, they leave in an emotional state of mind, no plan, impulsive and scared, ripe for his apologies and ready to go right back which is what usually happens. You must be willing to leave when things are calm, in between episodes. Then you can plan carefully. You need to have a plan and then do it. If you are so abused that you cannot think straight to make a plan, then the women's shelter would be the answer because they can help you plan for your future.

Remember, you do not have to "play fair." You do not have to have him agree to anything. You do not owe him anything. Give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do, even emptying the accounts or taking the car, whatever it takes, to get away from him. A better life is waiting for you, just beyond your fears and his domination.

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Hey there...I read your story as well.

A couple of months ago I put pictures of my face on my profile pictures. A couple shots of two black eyes I received from my husband. And he did the same thing as your spouse did when he placed his hands around your throat...I've got to tell you that I am in the same situation as you are minus the kids. Our situations may not be identical but the consequences will be if we continue to stay...

I am working on it but have no where to go..Private message me if you wish...

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find a time when he won't be in the house for hours; and if you have some money; get on a bus and go to women's shelter and from there; they can take over by calling the police. the women shelter will help you keep safe and help you to start new in life. they can help you get a job, and an apartment. if you want; you can go to another city and find a shelter there. Good luck, and hugs.

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If love and comprimise doesnt overcome the tribulation then just leave because you are somebody. I believe though true love can conquer anything in a relationship but if it is only one sided then it is a waste. Do what you feel is right. Im sure your no angel yourself.

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